Post # 1
Maybe i am too caught up with all the wedding planning now, i don’t know. maybe i am missing being home with family and friends. maybe i am over-reacting. i can’t tell. basically what i am whining about is that i moved from west to east coast about 4 months ago (with FI). we are having a destination wedding in the summer, so the only time i am going to see any of my BMs is during the xmas holidays when i am in town for a week and then at my wedding. so, i was talking to my best friend/chief Bridesmaid or Best Man last night. and i already know during the holidays she will be going out of town. i will only get to spend one day with her. so basically the entire year before my wedding i literally get one day with someone who would be my Maid/Matron of Honor if my sister was not my Maid/Matron of Honor (that’s why i called her chief-BM). so i was talking to her about ordering Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses and how i think we should wait until everyone can order them together (it will be cheaper on shipping that way). since i will be home during the holidays, i will go with my sister and another Bridesmaid or Best Man to pick their dresses. so my best friend Bridesmaid or Best Man said in the middle of this convo: “i don’t want to spend Dec. 27th (our one day together) on ‘Wedding Street'”. “Wedding Street” is not the actual name, but in our city, there is this big street full of wedding stores and everyone goes there for dresses and anything wedding related. it was not at all related to our convo (or at least i don’t see how it was). but basically she told me that the ONE day i will see her this entire year before my wedding, the last thing she wants to do is any “wedding” stuff with me. i hadn’t even asked her to! But since i knew we had plans to go shopping, i actually had been thinking it might be fun to go to Wedding Street for a bit since it would be my only chance to do that with her. but i guess that won’t be happening now!
i guess i feel hurt because she claims to be excited about my wedding and was happy to be my Bridesmaid or Best Man, but the one opportunity we might have had to do any wedding shopping together (like shoes, jewerlly, favors, anything) she has made it clear to me before i could even ask, that is NOT what we will do at all!
am i over-reacting to be upset by her comment?? how would you feel? should i say anything to her or just let it go? i was just so caught off guard when she said that i responded with “we won’t, i am town for a week, i can go to Wedding Street any day with my sister and other Bridesmaid or Best Man to look at dresses”
Post # 3
tell her you will buy her lunch afterwards.
Post # 4
well i won’t be doing anything wedding-related with her it seems because she made it clear she doesn’t want to! and it hurt me a bit….i just wanted to know if i am reading too much into and should get over it.
Post # 5
@JessicaWakefield: Playing devil’s advocate here BUT it might be that she misses you as a friend and wants to play catchup and feels that no matter what kind of dress is bought, she’d like it. So, instead of braving the hoards of people who will be out shopping, she can hang with you and you can discuss wedding stuff or life in general BUT she won’t be out shopping instead of catching up. I will try not to take it too personal 🙂
Post # 6
@bRooklynRocks: the thing is, she already found her dress. i am going with other BMs during the holidays to help them pick theirs. i was only asking her to wait to order them and part of her response was saying she doesn’t want to spend any time on Wedding Street. but previously we had said we would to go shopping in general that day and see a movie.
i guess i am over-reacting and i don’t want to say anything to her, but has been on my mind all day so i needed to say something somewhere (hence what is so great about wedding bee!)
Post # 7
I understand why you might be hurt. You expected her to want to be with you and want to help you plan, at the very least, one day out of your engagement. BUT that may have not been her plans and sadly this will be a pill you’ll have to swallow. I wouldn’t think any less of her or your friendship. Our weddings are important to us, but honestly, other people just don’t get it….and rightfully so, it’s not their wedding. I wouldn’t say anything to her. Enjoy a day off of wedding planning with your Bridesmaid or Best Man.
On a side note, nothing makes BMs more irritated than having the responsibilities typically given to a Maid/Matron of Honor but not given the recognition….not saying you’re doing this BUT it could be her perception.
Post # 8
Here’s what I’m thinking. She hasn’t seen you in so long, this is her one chance to visit with you, and yes, she’s totally excited that you’re getting married, but really just wants to spend that day catching up as friends and hanging out. She probably feels like the day would be hectic and would get eaten up by wedding shopping, and would rather just hang out with you. I would not feel hurt at all. She is very excited that you’re getting married, but she’s more excited about seeing you.
Post # 9
I have one that’s just like this. Pretends she’s all excited and has done nothing to help me. it’s frustrating. I have learned though through out this whole process that no one cares as much about your wedding as you do.
Post # 10
I don’t think you’re over reacting at all. This is a really exciting time in your life and as a friend and especially a Bridesmaid or Best Man she should show some excitement and be supportive. If she had something big going on like a wedding, I’m sure you’d do the same for her.
I’m makign a big assumption, but I’ll guess the reason she’s not into this wedding shopping trip is because she’s jealous. Maybe she’s single or even already married and wants to be planning a wedding again. In that case, (if it is the case) it’s actually kind of shameful and rude that she’s letting these feeligns keep her from being a good friend.
If I were you, I’d still meet up with her and not mention wedding planning, but feel free to excuse yourself early if there are any wedding related errands you need to run.
Post # 11
First off, I love your screenname. Ah, memories. I kind of always preferred Elizabeth, though. 😉 Secondly, I think you have a right to be hurt. She’s your Maid/Matron of Honor for all intents and purposes, so you’d think she’d be excited to do a little wedding stuff with you. On the other hand, it seems like maybe she misses her friend and just wants to have some nostalgic “friend time” with you. Is there any way at all you could squeeze in an extra half day with her to do wedding stuff, but still keep a whole day wedding free?
Post # 12
If I was going to see my Best Friend one day the entire year the LAST thing I would want to think about is anything wedding related. She probably just wants to spend time with you without the wedding stuff taking over.
Post # 13
She doesn’t want to do wedding stuff because she wants to hang out with YOU…not do stuff related to your big day. She just wants to have a friend day!
Post # 14
Yeah, I have to agree with PPs that you might be overreacting a little. It’s clear that she wants to hang out with you and not just be focused on wedding stuff, which is understandable. I don’t think it’s a matter of jealousy, I just think she probably wants it to not be all about the wedding.
Post # 15
I PLANNED my sister’s wedding and there were times during the process that I JUST WANTED TO VISIT MY SISTER. Not go to wedding stores, not do arts and crafts. It didn’t mean that I wasn’t excited for my sister, or jealous, or any of that. It just means that if I only had one DAY to spend with my sister…or in the OP’s case, her best friend…I wouldn’t want to spend it in wedding stores….I’m just sayin’. There are about 8 or 9 months until the OPs wedding…plenty of time for the BMs to become excited.
Post # 16
thanks everyone. i just needed to hear what other people thought. it helps me to stay grounded and not get too upset! i get that she wants friend time. so do i! i think what bothered me about it the most is that i didn’t even ask to do “wedding stuff” that day. she just told me on her own that she doesn’t want to! i think she could have not said anything until IF and when i brought it up…
@lezlers: i loved Elizabeth too! but my friend and i used to pretend to be them when we were kids and i was always Jessica 😉