(Closed) am i over-reacting? BM hurt my feelings by not wanting to help out!

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

tell her you will buy her lunch afterwards. 

Post # 5
2742 posts
Sugar bee

@JessicaWakefield: Playing devil’s advocate here BUT it might be that she misses you as a friend and wants to play catchup and feels that no matter what kind of dress is bought, she’d like it. So, instead of braving the hoards of people who will be out shopping, she can hang with you and you can discuss wedding stuff or life in general BUT she won’t be out shopping instead of catching up. I will try not to take it too personal 🙂

Post # 7
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I understand why you might be hurt. You expected her to want to be with you and want to help you plan, at the very least, one day out of your engagement. BUT that may have not been her plans and sadly this will be a pill you’ll have to swallow. I wouldn’t think any less of her or your friendship. Our weddings are important to us, but honestly, other people just don’t get it….and rightfully so, it’s not their wedding. I wouldn’t say anything to her. Enjoy a day off of wedding planning with your Bridesmaid or Best Man.

On a side note, nothing makes BMs more irritated than having the responsibilities typically given to a Maid/Matron of Honor but not given the recognition….not saying you’re doing this BUT it could be her perception.

Post # 8
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Here’s what I’m thinking.  She hasn’t seen you in so long, this is her one chance to visit with you, and yes, she’s totally excited that you’re getting married, but really just wants to spend that day catching up as friends and hanging out.  She probably feels like the day would be hectic and would get eaten up by wedding shopping, and would rather just hang out with you.  I would not feel hurt at all.  She is very excited that you’re getting married, but she’s more excited about seeing you. 

Post # 9
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I have one that’s just like this. Pretends she’s all excited and has done nothing to help me. it’s frustrating. I have learned though through out this whole process that no one cares as much about your wedding as you do.

Post # 10
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I don’t think you’re over reacting at all. This is a really exciting time in your life and as a friend and especially a Bridesmaid or Best Man she should show some excitement and be supportive. If she had something big going on like a wedding, I’m sure you’d do the same for her.

I’m makign a big assumption, but I’ll guess the reason she’s not into this wedding shopping trip is because she’s jealous. Maybe she’s single or even already married and wants to be planning a wedding again. In that case, (if it is the case) it’s actually kind of shameful and rude that she’s letting these feeligns keep her from being a good friend.

If I were you, I’d still meet up with her and not mention wedding planning, but feel free to excuse yourself early if there are any wedding related errands you need to run.

Post # 11
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

First off, I love your screenname.  Ah, memories.  I kind of always preferred Elizabeth, though. 😉 Secondly, I think you have a right to be hurt.  She’s your Maid/Matron of Honor for all intents and purposes, so you’d think she’d be excited to do a little wedding stuff with you.  On the other hand, it seems like maybe she misses her friend and just wants to have some nostalgic “friend time” with you.  Is there any way at all you could squeeze in an extra half day with her to do wedding stuff, but still keep a whole day wedding free?

Post # 12
5797 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

If I was going to see my Best Friend one day the entire year the LAST thing I would want to think about is anything wedding related. She probably just wants to spend time with you without the wedding stuff taking over.

Post # 13
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

She doesn’t want to do wedding stuff because she wants to hang out with YOU…not do stuff related to your big day. She just wants to have a friend day!

Post # 14
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Yeah, I have to agree with PPs that you might be overreacting a little.  It’s clear that she wants to hang out with you and not just be focused on wedding stuff, which is understandable.  I don’t think it’s a matter of jealousy, I just think she probably wants it to not be all about the wedding.

Post # 15
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I PLANNED my sister’s wedding and there were times during the process that I JUST WANTED TO VISIT MY SISTER. Not go to wedding stores, not do arts and crafts. It didn’t mean that I wasn’t excited for my sister, or jealous, or any of that. It just means that if I only had one DAY to spend with my sister…or in the OP’s case, her best friend…I wouldn’t want to spend it in wedding stores….I’m just sayin’. There are about 8 or 9 months until the OPs wedding…plenty of time for the BMs to become excited.

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