(Closed) Am I over reacting? FI's Female friend and boundrys, Long

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Am I over reacting?

    Yup over reacting- crazytown : Population: you

    Nope, I would have issues too

    Other ( explain)

    I like polls.

  • Post # 62
    Member
    9800 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    That girl is annoying.  It seems to me like she probably would send this type of stuff to all the guys she knows because she wants attention.  I wouldn’t respond to someone sending me this unreadable crap.  I would ignore her, and responding to her just will make her keep sending them!

    Post # 63
    Member
    1513 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    i had a dude friend like this. when he (or I) was in happy relationship we talked less and when things werent good for him or we were both single i seemed to hear from him a lot more often. it should come as no shock that once I met Fiance and didnt go down that road in our texts, he pulled back… and once i got engaged i stopped hearing from him pretty much entirely.

    seems like now that she is having issues in her marriage and maybe missing that playful male attention, she is returning to your Fiance to get some … attention that is. i trulydont think you have anything to worry about with this. it’s weird and annoying, but the only relationship this behavior threatens is hers.

    Post # 64
    Member
    1170 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    Im gonna throw my two cents in for what its worth. You said she let it be implied that your Fiance was her cheating partner when in fact its someone else. Her husband thinks your husband is probably the guilty party and he is reading her text messages. First of all, if she didnt clear the air and say your Fiance isnt who she is cheating with, that would for me be grounds for ending the friendship. What planet does she live on? What planet do you live on that you let someone think your Fiance was unfaithful and havent corrected the situation.

    For all you know she might be running around to your other mutual friends spreading rumors that she is sleeping with your man.

    Its a damn dangerous situation for your Fiance.  Her husband is a bomb waiting to blow. What happens if your Fiance runs into him and he has been following her text messages to your Fiance.

    No real friend would imply that my Fiance was sleeping with her behind her husbands back. You and your Fiance need to drop contact with her, then you might need to call her DH, who by the way has to be a patient man for putting up with her, and explain that your Fiance is faithful and that you and your Fiance are uncomfortable with the situation. Just let him know you want to be left out of their life.

    You have heard about men who kill their wives boyfriends? Well its a good possibility in this situation,

    Post # 65
    Member
    1652 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I don’t like something about that coversation..it’s just not appropriate. I’d be unhappy.

    Post # 66
    Hostess
    3367 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    View original reply
    @fishbone:  Totally agree. She’s just looking for that attention., If he stops giving it to, then she will quit. I don’t think your Fiance was intending to go in that route, but moreso trying to figure out what the heck she was talking about. 

    In the mean time, I would have a nice heart to heart with that girl and tell her how I felt about her conversation. (It wouldn’t be nice though) I have ZERO tolerance for this kinda crap and I will not ever put up with it.  

    Post # 67
    Member
    1547 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Your FI/DH needs to tell this girl to lay off. Or maybe just not respond to such stupid texts. I feel like I just wasted 2 minutes of my life reading those texts, I can’t imagine taking time out of my day to reply to them in the first place. She is annoying. I would be annoyed. I would be annoyed if my DH was responding like that. Inappropriate and just seems like he is dying to get attention to text something so stupid.

    Post # 68
    Member
    11736 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Her conversation makes no sense at all! Looks like she was drunk! I find her texts very  odd, but don’t see them as inappropriate – if she had said she wanted to play naked twister with your Fiance then I’d see that as inappropriate.

    I think your Fiance should just stop giving her attention with her stupid texts – they really are just that – stupid. She looks like a complete fool.  Maybe there are other instances where she really has crossed over some inappropriate boundary but I don’t see this as it.  This may be crossing some other boundary, but I really just think she looks like a sad pathetic person who needs AA and some therapy for herself.

    Post # 69
    Member
    6033 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

    I kind of just wanted to add something…. Personally I would stay away from phrases like “I don’t want you talking to so and so anymore” if that is the route you want to go. I am a firm believer that its highly inappropriate for anyone to tell a grown adult who they can and cannot talk to or have a relationship with. I am also a firm believer that your feelings should carry a lot of weight with your Fiance so simply stating that you are uncomfortable with the relationship continuing on as is should be enough for him to take action. It seems that he is on the same page with you so far which is awesome. I just seen some responses saying you should cut off that relationship that he has with her and I don’t think that is anyone’s choice to make but your FI’s. So I am in no way saying that this is the route that you two will choose to take but it is one thing to discuss your feelings on this particular friend, get on the same page, and decide on a course of action you are both comfortable with but its a whole other thing IMO to just say to someone “hey I dont like this, stop talking to her”. that would take it into crazy land for me. But so far you guys seem to be handling this pain in the butt friend together as a team 🙂

    Post # 70
    Member
    926 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    He should ignore texts like these. He can be polite when she starts acting normal…it’s a problem because A) it’s upsetting both of you enough to seek advice about the situation, so obviously you’re not comfortable with the texts & B) her husband is having trouble trusting her (rightfully so) and if he sees things like this it’s only going to hurt him and cause more problems in their marriage. I think you need some space from her, if she needs male attention so badly she should be working on her relationship with her husband, rather than interferring in yours!

    Post # 71
    Member
    3470 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

    Is her grammer/texting always that bad? Because that reads like a drunken conversation to me… Not that it excuses it, but I’m jst saying; people tend to be more inappropriate whenalcohol is involved. 

    I agree with several of the other comments though, he needs to stop feeding into her inappropriate comments.  The more he replies, the more he encourages her.  

    Post # 72
    Member
    8434 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Wait, this lady has a child?  Are her and her previous husband divorced already?  She seems a bit odd, maybe she’s just craving attention?  I have no idea, but it doesn’t seem like your Fiance is doing anything wrong, just trying to keep things friendly without crossing any boundaries.  I’d love to hear an update on this though.

    Post # 73
    Member
    10357 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    If nobody is setting boundaries with her, she doesn’t know what boundaries to stay within. She’s clearly getting the attention she is seeking. Only way to fix it is to stop giving her attention or to flat out discuss it with her.

    Post # 74
    Member
    9829 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I think the texts are inappropriate, but I also think his/your responses were pretty much encouraging the conversation.

    The topic ‘Am I over reacting? FI's Female friend and boundrys, Long’ is closed to new replies.

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