(Closed) Am I over-reacting? Hang up the phone on my FI.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@LittleBruin: I think you should chill out.  Guys don’t really care about stuff like invitations so just respect him and leave him out of the choices.  Ask your Mom to proofread it!  What is the big deal?

Post # 4
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Guys care about different things and this may be something that he just doesn’t care about. I think you were over-reacting by hanging up on him. Maybe just ask him what things he would like some input on. My Fiance and I worked together on a theme and colors and then we split everything into 3 lists..one I do, one he does, and one we do together. We spend about an hour once a week to go over our progress and it has really helped. 

Post # 6
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

That’s the kind of thing guys just don’t get into … it’s like them asking us to go to the auto body shop with them. Uh, no thanks. So don’t be surprised by his reaction and know that it’s not personal.

Still, he should be more sensitive to your feelings, and certainly shouldn’t call you self-centered for it.

Next time, try to approach it differently: Don’t expect that he should want to go, and acknowledge that you’re asking him to do something *for you.*

“Honey, I know it’s not your favorite thing, but I would really love it if you would accompany me to proofread the invitations before meeting our parents for lunch. I promise it won’t be too painful; it will just take a couple of minutes and we’ll be out of there.” The trick is to acknowledge that you’re asking him to do something he doesn’t want to do…

Post # 7
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Another vote for overreacting.  Bottom line is you can’t force him to care.  You can force him to grudgingly come along to various meetings, ect, but you can’t force him to care. Like someone said upthread, he cares about you so just make it like a favor to you, not something he “should” be doing.  If it were up to him, he’d probably be fine with jumping in the car and heading to vegas, right?

Post # 8
Member
5786 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

Boys generally don’t care about wedding details and proof reading invites is one of the more tedious wedding tasks so I don’t blame him for not wanting to go.

Post # 9
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

My advice is to pick your battles. Do your best to get an opinion out of him on the bigger stuff, but leave him out of the details unless he expresses interest, especially when it comes to invites, which are pretty much a big yawn to every guy I know. I get that it’s good to have a second pair of eyes when proofreading, but it doesn’t have to be him.

And as much as I love all things stationery, I would be miffed if I had to make an appointment and go all the way to the printer’s just to proof my invites too. Our stationer scanned the proofs and emailed them to me instead of making me come see her.

Post # 10
Member
14497 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I can understand why you’re fustrated.  I feel like I try to make things as EASY as possible for him, like you did by just making it a quick stop before lunch, but Fiance still complains about having to go.  I get it… they don’t care as much, and really DONT want to go no matter how easy you make it for them.  It’s just really fustrating that you want them to do this with you and make it easy, but they still whine about it.  It shouldn’t be about whether or not you can do it yourself or if you can take your mother or someone else, its the fact that you WANT him to go with you and he just doesnt care to.  Just call him back and talk to him about it….

Post # 11
Member
708 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

His comments about you bing selfish and childish are not helpful. I can understand why that upset you. Not wanting to proofread the invitations is totally normal, and I think you over reacted. This is probably going to happen a few more times in wedding planning. I had a total breakdown in a crowded restaurant because my Fiance said he would rather have open seating at the rehearsal dinner instead of assigned seating. I cried for 2 hours about how he didn’t care, was unhelpful, blah blah blah. This is a stressful time. You need to explain to him that while you may have over reacted, his unkind words are going to always make things worse

Post # 12
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

If my Fiance didn’t want to help out with any wedding stuff and then called me self-centered for asking him to do one little thing with me then I would probably hang up on his ass, too.  It sounds like he’s not interested in any of the details so maybe your frustrations over that have been building up. I don’t think you really overreacted all that much.  It sounds like he was a jerk about it.  Sure, maybe guys don’t “care” about the details all that much but it is still his wedding and he shouldn’t just leave it all up to you, especially if you’re asking for his input.

Post # 13
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Most guys don’t know or care about anything related to wedding planning. Chill out, pick your battles and don’t make everything an ordeal. Casually run things by him when he’s in a good mood.

Post # 14
Member
4583 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think hanging up on him is a little much, but I understand why you’re upset. My Fiance wants very little to do with the wedding planning and gives me a hard time when I’m blatantly asking for help. There are some things I want his opinion on and decisions I just don’t want to make myself (it was seriously challenging getting him to interview DJ’s with me!) but he doesn’t get it. I have plenty of things I’m already taking care of on my own, I wish he wouldn’t freak out when I ask him to come to an appointment or make a quick phone call for me. Men are a pain in the rear!

Post # 15
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I dont really dont think he has to proof read it with you. Guys dont care about that stuff at all.

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