- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
Something has been bothering me lately and I can’t tell if I’m over-reacting or not. Basically, Fiance and one of his Groomsmen and I were hanging out the other day and his Groomsmen mentioned that he had seen a mutual childhood friend “Henry” lately. Henry is a grown man (28) but extremely sheltered, lives with parents (with no intention of ever leaving), refuses to socialize outside their hometown, doesn’t date, and most importantly, is extremely and blatantly racist. He makes his blatant racism sound like jokes but it’s not funny and is disgusting.
Fiance and his Groomsmen grew up with Henry and are both privately repulsed by his behavior, but still spend time with him rarely (GM about once a month, Fiance about once a year) and feel sorry for him. Henry has very few friends (only the ones he’s retained from childhood) and knows very well how to guilt his friends into thinking they are terrible people for ‘abandoning’ him.
I think that Fiance (and his Groomsmen – though obviously it’s not my place to say) should stop associating with Henry all together. FI tells Henry off whenever he hears/sees Henry making rascist comments (either in person, on the phone, on FB) but I think that him choosing to be friends with Henry is sending the opposite message – that Henry can say whatever he wants and get away with it.
I would never ‘forbid’ Fiance from being friends with Henry, as much as I dislike it, but Henry is invited to our wedding and I really don’t want to see him there. He’s never really been shockingly offensive around me, but doesn’t have any problems making disgusting sex jokes regardless of the company. I’m no prude but he says things that would make my very chill parents offended.
I don’t want this guy at my wedding. The invitations are about to go out and he’s getting one, but I’m really hoping he doesn’t show. I can’t fathom doing more than smiling and nodding and then never seeing him again.
Am I over-reacting?