Am I over reacting? Mother of the groom dress

posted 2 months ago in Dress
Post # 16
88 posts
Worker bee


I’m kind of taken aback by the comments stating telling a future mother in law what she can and can’t wear is disrespectful. I gave both my mom and my future Mother-In-Law a color palette to stick to, only because my colors are very muted. For photography purposes, I didn’t want them showing up in a lime green or hot pink dress, surrounded by the rest of us in muted colors. Now I would never control anything else about the dress, but the color mattered a lot to me.  I always thought it was pretty standard of anyone in the bridal party (including parents of the bride and groom) to ask what they should wear, especially for a formal wedding. I mean FOB traditionally should match the groomsmen, I thought.  So I’m not sure why approving of what MOG wears is considered rude?

OP- I do think it was crappy of your SIL to go ahead and buy the dress anyway, but I think the blush in your dress and the more gold tone of her dress are definitely distinguishable. I actually think they compliment each other quite nicely. You will definitely, without a doubt, still stick out as the bride so no worries there 🙂 Take some deep breaths <3

Your dress is GORGEOUS btw!!!

Post # 17
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

newbee90 :  parents aren’t part of the bridal party – unless you’re actually putting them in the bridal party. We gave our dads the option of matching groomsmen but it definitely wasn’t required, and one opted out. 

Post # 18
88 posts
Worker bee

carolinabelle :  oops I should have said wedding party instead of bridal party.  I consider MOB, FOB, MOG, FOG, ring bearer, and flower girl all to be part of the wedding party.

That’s reasonable. I was just speaking from a traditional standpoint. I also don’t care if both Dads match the groomsmen, but I would like them at least to match the color scheme, which neither has had an issue with. They’ve actually asked me to tell them what to wear!

Clearly i’m in the minority here though. To each their own! 🙂 

Post # 19
11249 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I’m sorry, but this is bridezilla territory. You’re not just overreacting, you’re completely out of line here. There is nothing remotely inappropriate about the color of your future mother in law’s dress.

Mothers are are not in the wedding party. Their role is usually either as host or a special guest of honor.  You don’t have any proper authority or discretion over what she wears. If you care about the relationship, I’d strongly recommend that you drop this. 

Post # 20
1112 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

You don’t actually think anyone is going to confuse your Future Mother-In-Law in a champagne/gold, not white, dress as the bride, do you?  If not, you’re overracting.  And if yes, I have no comments.

Post # 21
130 posts
Blushing bee

I think the way your SIL has gone about this is odd, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the colour of her outfit. You will 100% stand out still. I’d be the bigger person than your SIL and just let it go

Post # 22
4526 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I think you’re overreacting and I also disagree with everyone saying SIL was a jerk for buying MIl a dress you didn’t like, it isn’t down to you to dictate what your SIL buys for her mom. Your fiancés mom loves this dress, it isn’t white, it isn’t bridal, it isn’t similar to yours so I don’t see the problem.

Post # 23
364 posts
Helper bee

Posts like this blow me away.  Like,  there’s actually people on the planet who dare to tell people what to wear to their sons wedding.  Ugh. Yuk

Post # 24
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

My sister was a bridesmaid, the bridesmaid dresses were silver. On the day of the wedding she decided all on her own to wear a neon pink sweater over her dress. To be completely honest I didn’t even notice until weeks later when we got the photos.

So yes, you are overreacting. No one will notice, or care.

Post # 25
7400 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2019

No one is going to mistake her for the bride. If the style was the same as your dress I get being upset, but I am guessing it is not. 

Post # 26
1925 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

I think that you are overreacting. A bride doesn’t have the right to tell anyone what to wear. Her dress doesn’t look bridal and she is drawing attention to herself to detract it from you.

Post # 27
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

brookeee16 :  You’re overreacting just a tad, I’m planning my wedding for September and I would never be so harsh on ANYONE in my wedding, not even my bridesmaids. I want everyone to be able to have a fair say in what they wear since THEY are wearing it and as long as it matches the color scheme of my wedding. I think that if you only dislike the dress because you think it matches yours then you are being a bit selfish. But at the end of the day it’s YOUR wedding so do whatever makes you happy.

Post # 28
5906 posts
Bee Keeper

Yes, you are overreacting. As PPs have stated, beige/champagne/gold is a traditional color for MOG to wear. “Wear beige and shut your mouth” or some variation of that is such a common phrase/direction to mothers of the groom that it’s even the title of a book. Despite many people thinking the parents are part of the wedding party they are not and it is not appropriate for anyone to TELL them what to wear. (If they ask for guidance you may make suggestions, that’s it.) Apologize to your future Mother-In-Law and stop worrying that anyone will mistake anyone else for the bride. 

Post # 29
374 posts
Helper bee

 I hink it was HIGHLY inconsiderate of your sister-in-law and mother-in-law to pick that dress, knowing you did not like it, and knowing that your dress was not white and this was close to the color. 

that said, I also think you are overreacting if you decide to make a big deal about it. It’s not a big deal. You’re presumably 20 to 30 years younger than her, no one’s going to mistake her for the bride.

Post # 30
9072 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

So yours is the one with the lace overlay?

I guess I wouldn’t be super pumped about it but her dress looks pretty plain to me. I wouldn’t worry about it.

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