- 7 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
I could totally be over reacting so I need some real support and advice here. This is gonna be a long one so hang on lol.
Back story: My mom and I have always had a very rocky relationship. I was always closer to my dad and my sister was closer to my mom. Within the last 3-5 years my mom and I have worked on our relationship and were in a really good place now.. Or at least I thought we were…
In November my cousin came up from Louisiana with his tree company to help with storm damage from Sandy (yes, I know, way to wait on it). My mom never cleared it with my dad but told my cousin that it was okay to stay at our house and that his tree company could park their RV in our backyard and stay there. Now, Ive been living with FH and his parents house for quite some time now, but everyone in my family knew that it was still “my bedroom” because I needed it for storage for the stuff for the wedding. We had worked it out that he could stay in there because that was the only room available, but he had to keep it clean and neat because of the things that I had in there. At first everything was fine. He was respectful, helped out, things were good. One night FH and I went over to spend some time there and it was like a full on pissing contest. Everything FH said he had done, and done it better. Right down to “wild man firefighting”. Um, hello, its “wild LAND firefighting”. Whatever. He started picking fights with my sister. Christmas came and my 60+ year old aunt came and instead of him saying ‘Ill sleep on the couch dont worry’ and offering MY ROOM to MY AUNT (who has been around my WHOLE life) he says nothing. My dad (who has degenerative disc syndrome and is out of work on disability because of the pain) decided he was going to sleep on the couch so my sister could sleep with my mom and my aunt could sleep in my sisters room. Then Christmas Day we all open gifts, hes there, as soon as hes done, darts back to my room and holes up in there all day on the computer. Comes out for dinner, scarfs down the food, and goes back in my room. RUDE! Nothing is said by my mom. At that point I was done. Hes so disrespectful. The crew from LA left shortly after and gave both my parents gifts for their hospitality (they were the sweetest group of guys, no idea where my cousin fits in with them). Then my whole family came to FH house for new years and we find out a couple days later that he was smoking pot with FHs brother and his sisters “boyfriend”. DISRESPECTFUL! Again nothing is said. Fast forward to the middle of this month. He gets a job with a tree removal company in Staten Island. Because my dad is out of work, hes now expected to drive my cousin back and forth to the job site. The boss gives him a place to stay during the job (mon-fri) and then he comes back on the weekends. My room through all this is getting GROSSER and GROSSER and GROSSER. Im talking stink, dirty clothes all over the place. The gauze from a foot injury on my dresser. I cant even take it. My sister, my dad and I have tried to tell her (my mom) that things are getting out of hand, but it goes in one ear and out the other. My dad resigned to driving him in to staten island but he needs to take mass transit home. My mom freaked about that. “Why cant you just drive him?” was her response. He was supposed to give my dad money for gas and tolls and after 2 trips my dad got a whole $40. REALLY?! He drives a blazer. A truck. $40 doesnt even cover the tolls. He doesnt buy ANYTHING for the house. He drinks like a fish. But makes sure that HE has things that HE likes to eat. Hes never gotten dinner for my family, after theyve taken him out NUMEROUS times. He doesnt buy any groceries. Nothing. He cant even take the damn garbage out. He leaves empty beer cans all over my room and it took me complaining to my mom for over a week to get him to stop smoking in my room. At this point I feel like my mom is choosing him over my sister and I, but she keeps saying how I cant expect him “to know or care whats in your room. He’s a guy.” Thats bull if you ask me. Shes throwing issues with FHs family in my face and asking me what makes that different. My parents can barely support themselves and now theyre expected to support a 35 year old man that decided he saw $$ and took advantage of the fact that he has “family” here. Prior to him coming here in November, he had come to visit 12 years ago, and prior to that, I had no idea who he was. I feel like hes driving a HUGE wedge in my family and I dont know what to do about it. You cant say anything to my mom about him. She just defends him. Im at a loss. Ive worked so hard to build this relationship with my mom and now, 10 months before my wedding hes inserted himself into my family that he pretty much couldnt be bothered with for over 20 years. Am I wrong to be so angry about the situation? I have no desire to even go see my family because hes there. I dont know what to do… Help….