Post # 1
My FI and I are going on vacation tomorrow so I gave my mom my set of keys to the apartment so she can come and feed my cat and check on her.
Well, I went to her favorite place to eat and I had some left over egg rolls and I told her she can come get them if she wants. She said she would be in later. So me and FI go get some ice cream and we come back and she’s already at the apartment. But not waiting in her car for us to get home, she is IN our apartment…with candles lit…watching TV and eating the egg rolls.
This didn’t sit well with me. I gave her the keys so she could check on my cat-not use our apartment while we are still in town!? I asked her why she’s inside and why she didn’t wait until we got home and she FREAKED out and threw the egg rolls away and started sceaming at me and left and slammed the door.
I gave her gas money earlier today for having to come in town everyday to check on our cat so I texted her and I told her I wanted it back. She came back to give it to me and she threw it out the window at me, almost ran over my foot, and yelled “Have your FMIL take care of the damn cat!” and sped off.
Would you guys feel weird if you came home and your mom was just hanging out without telling you they’d be here? I feel like it was a violation to our privacy or something. And now she’s all pissed off at me for something she did. I hate fighting with her, it makes me upset. Ugh.
Post # 3
@BakerBee16: You gave her the keys. You told her to come get the eggrolls. I don’t think it’s a big deal here. You’re only giving her keys (I’m assuming) for this period that you’ll be away, it’s not like she’s going to be coming over on the daily. However, her reaction is a little intense.
Post # 4
@love108: I just didn’t like that she came in our apartment when we weren’t there. Normally she will call and say she is here and I go let her in. She saw that my car wasn’t there, so she let herself in. Idk that just bugged me. But what is really bothering me is how she’s acting?! I tried calling her and she hung up on me. Idk what’s going on with her.
Post # 5
This wouldn’t be a big deal to me. You invited her over to get the eggrolls. She’s your mother. I wouldn’t expect my mother to wait out in her car for me if I knew she was coming by – even if I meant for her to just pick something up and leave. Asking for the gas money back was also pretty petty on your part. I imagine she is pretty hurt at the moment.
Post # 6
You gave her the keys & explicitly told her to come over. It sounds to me like you were sending mixed signals and your expectations aren’t so realistic. You’re overreacting…
Post # 7
@BakerBee16: To be honest… I probably wouldn’t have had an issue. If she had keys and could get inside, why would she sit outside and wait in her car? If it were me, I would rather she be comfortable rather than just sitting in a car waiting. It’s not like she was going through your stuff, or anything like that. No harm caused?
Also, I think texting her to ask for money back just aggravated the issue. Did you text it to her straight after she stormed out? Surely it could have waited?
I don’t know… perhaps I’m in the minority here! But I still have keys to my parent’s place and let myself in whenever they’re not home.
Post # 8
That’s weird to me. DH’s family is super close and even for us, that would be weird. We’ve given our keys to FIL before to pick up stuff from our house but he literally picks up the stuff, maybe plays with our dogs for a few minutes (because they’re pushing him to play), and then he leaves. If they did want to lounge or use our pool, they would call us and ask us first as a courtesy. It’s weird to me that she literally made herself at home, down to lighting candles and watching TV, without telling you ahead of time.
Post # 9
If my mom had a key to my apartment and I told her to come get something I would not expect her to wait in the car until I got home. my mom would have knocked first and when I didn’t answer she would just use the key. no biggie, but she probably would have called and said hey im at your place. but I agree that your moms reaction was probably a bit over the top considering the situation.
Post # 10
The keys weren’t to come get the eggrolls, they were for tomorrow through Tuesday. I probably am over reacting, but I just didn’t like it and now she’s really pissed off at me. Ugh.
Post # 11
While her reaction was dramatic, I think that if you allow her to be in your home to check on your cats…. I don’t know why she couldn’t let herself in and wait for you. Was she supposed to wait in the car for you to get back? I have a VERY dramatic eggroll throwing mother so I totally feel your pain. While I don’t think she should have sped off like that, I really don’t think this should have been an issue to begin with.
Post # 12
I’m on the fence, I think the feet up, candles lit, watching tv eating egg rolls thing is weird. However, as PP’s said you gave her the keys and told her to have at it. You also were being petty to ask for the gas money back just cause you were annoyed that she was in your apartment. And I do think she over reacted, that wasn’t really a mature way to handle the situation on both accounts.
Post # 13
I wanted the money back because she has a tendency to take money and gamble with it. So if she wasn’t going to use it for gas money, then I wasn’t going to let her gamble with my money.
Post # 14
I would have no issue with my Mom coming inside, she’s my Mother I would never expect her to wait in the driveway in her car! I agree with everyone else, you gave her keys and invited her over to get egg rolls. I am sure she only thought you stepped out for a second (which you did) It wasn’t like she was going through your bedside table drawer (that would be invasion of privacy.) Think of it like this, would you be mad if your best friend did what your mother did? If not then you should defiantly apologies to your Mother. I am sure she didn’t do what she did maliciously and I am sure she is pretty embarrassed that you reacted that way.
Post # 15
@xoCATox: I still have keys to my parents’ house too and both my and FI’s parent’s have keys to our apartment.
@BakerBee16: My mom is pretty emotional/volatile and I can imagine her doing something like this. I guess I just try to avoid it. You just have to remember she is your mom and loves you. I’m sure children (regardless of age) pull crap that annoy their parents too. It is remembering you love each other, and all put up with crazy once in a while, that keeps a family strong.
Post # 16
Sounds like it was just a misunderstanding. You gave her keys and said you had for for her. She misunderstood *when* the food was available to her and just went over, since that’s how you made it sound.
Both of you guys need to chill out.