- 4 years ago
- Wedding: August 2016
Hi there Bees,<br /><br />Long time lurker, first time poster. I’d like to start out with an apology for my language, as English is not my native tongue, as well as the length of this post. Please bear with me, I’ll try to explain our situation as short as possible but with necessary information.<br /><br />So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years but we’ve been in a long distance relationship for the past year. We rarely get to see each other since we live on two different continents. While I’m in school, he’s working full time in a field that requires him to work around the clock sometimes. <br />So naturally there are days that we can’t talk at all.
He is an amazing guy, I know he goes out of his way to be with me even though we’re seperated and he’s always able to make me smile, no matter how sad or angry I am. He doesn’t lie but he doesn’t really talk about his feelings a lot either. He’s kind and caring, but sometimes he stalls or neglect things like keeping in touch with his family and friends. This also makes him a bit of a time optimist, for example once he thought he would have time to prepare a surprise for me but in the end he ended remembering the same day and then it was too late.<br /><br />We have been talking about marriage for a while now. For example we’ve talked about how our finances would be, who would do what at home and even as far as the upbringing of our (two) future kids, but we’ve been very vague about the date. I’ve asked him about his timeline, getting the answer “by the time you’re 30 we’re gonna be done with kids.” So that means in 5 years, (I’m 25) he thinks our second baby should be in this world.<br />Now I’m totally fine with this timeline about the kids, but I’ve also told him that due to ideals I’d like to be married before having kids.
Now to the marriage issue, I told him I want him to propose to me, because I’ve been the pursuer in our relationship and I want this to be his decision. This is also why I’m trying not to nag him about it but I’m starting to get a bit antsy.<br /><br />We met in April in his home country (He’s not working there so we ususally go to see his family on his longer vacations) and found out that his brother got engaged (to be married next spring), so it got me thinking that my boyfriend won’t propose within a year to avoid too many weddings at the same time.<br />So, I told him that I felt like we were only talking about marriage and kids from how I want it and asked him to tell me what he thinks instead and he responded with “I was gonna look at rings here and propose to you but I haven’t been able to since you’re with me all the time.” I was a bit chocked since I expected a far off period involving the kids or something like that.<br />After that we did visit some jewellers and I showed him some of my preferences.<br />We met up again later this spring and on our last day together he pulled out some catalogues and told me he had been visiting a jeweller for a custom made ring but did not order anything. I told him not to stress it and not to worry too much about the design because the really important thing to me is just being with him.
We were able to meet up during the summer as well, this time both in my country and his. We had lots of outings planned so basically all of our friends and family thought that a proposal was bound to happen. As you might’ve guessed, it didn’t happen. I’m not disappointed, I mean he told me he didn’t buy a ring yet and he rarely lies, so I wasn’t expecting it but it seems like his family was. They asked us when our date is and looked very disappointed when he told them “We’re not thinking about that at all”. We also met his friends and he told them that we haven’t thought about it at all. I know he’s being asked about this all the time. I know that most of his friends are getting married right now. I know he’s worried about everything involving rings and not only our wedding but his brother’s and some of his friends’ as well.
I know all this and I can’t help but wonder if he changed his mind. What if he’s questioning our relationship but can’t decide how to tell me? We still talk a lot on the phone, or well we text a lot but due to time difference and busy schedules for us both we can’t talk that much. I’m wondering if I should bring this up with him, naturally I’d like to do it face to face but as of now, we can’t meet until December and I’m worried I’ll ruin our vacation if I start asking too much about this. <br />What I really want to ask him is why he responded the way he did towards his friends and family and why was saying something totally different to me before.<br /><br />So what do you guys think? Am I just being paranoid? Should I ask him on the phone now or should I wait until we see each other? Or should I just let it go and wait for him?
<br />Oh I’m so sorry about this super long post! Thanks to everyone who read it and answer.