Post # 1
After a conversation in the pub (after a tipple or two or 5 lol) me and my bf of nearly 3 years got onto the conversation of kids. I made some comment having a kid and pregnancy and he said something along the lines of us having had a child in 3 years time. I replied with “but yer, but in order to have had a child in 3 years we would have to had to have got marrried by then?” and he replied with positive comments.
I am probably over thinking but in order to be married with children in 3 years means that the engagement must be arriving soon.. I mean a 18 months engagement and then a while to be ‘just married’ and then 9 month pregnancy doesn’t leave much time for a proposal…
But then he confuses me and makes other comments about “How we are happy together ‘just as we are’ so should appreciate it and enjoy being where we are in our relationship.
He is 30 this year so I asked him if he has a timeline, or if he would like to do anything by the time he is 30 (non specific – just a general conversation). He replied with that he doesn’t believe in making a timeline and thinks you should just take things as they come and shouldn’t plan when you should do things by.
We both constantly talk about what our wedding will be like, our married life, kids, growing old and the future (we even have our kids names picked out – if that’s not planning I don’t know what is) and know that we are definately forever.
I am sad and confused. Sometimes it seems like a engagement is so certain and others it seems impossible. Is he just being a typical bloke and not really thinking before he speaks?
Post # 3
Probably, yes he’s just being a typical guy 🙂 they don’t plan things the way we do. To his brain, to have a kid in 3 years means that you need to be married 10 months before the baby arrives. And to do that, he should propose about a month before that – so realistically, two years from now. Men don’t plan 18-month engagements (unless you’ve talked about that, sober, and he’s stated, himself, that that is something he wants).
Post # 4
I agree, I think he’s doing something kind of typical in men… or at least something my SO has done, too. A few months back, my SO and I were talking about our future in a way that suggested we’d be getting engaged pretty soon. I came to this conclusion after thinking through the timelines for engagements and whatnot. I, too, wasn’t sure if he meant it, so I asked. Turns out my suspicions were right, and he hadn’t thought into the dates like I had. He said he wouldn’t rule out getting engaged in that time frame, but that he didn’t think we would.
Although this doesn’t mean your guy is the same way, it’s certainly possible he wasn’t really thinking about it.
Post # 6
@Glasgowbound: lol, this sounds like my SO!! I told him I needed a year to plan a wedding and he was like, what?! I don’t want to wait that long! I said he should have done it sooner, lol! And yes, I’m stillll waiting! Typical guy for sure!
Post # 7
I agree with PP that his idea of the perfect length for an engagement may be less than yours. Perhaps you should talk about how long you think an engagement should be If he knew yours was at least a year then he would have to keep that in mind in regard to the “3 year time” baby timeframe.
Post # 8
I am in the exact same boat! He said we would definitely have kids by 35. Well, I turned 33 not too long ago. And he still says we are on pace for kids by 35. (!!)
I can say with certainty that my SO thinks 6 months is more than enough time for an engagement. So your SO is likely doing the same cracked math in his head. It’s not their fault, they just don’t know how wedding planning really works!
I talked to my SO to try to make it clear, but I’m not sure it ever sunk in…hence here I am waiting!
Post # 9
He’s a typical guy that either not thinking about the planning process or doesn’t know how long planning takes. I had a similar conversation with my bf regarding our engagement/marriage/children timeline and said “well, if we have our first in 3 years, that means we need to subtract 9 months for the pregnancy, then another year to enjoy being married childless, then another year just to plan the wedding…” And he said ‘what? It takes a year to plan a wedding?’ lol
Post # 10
My SO definitely thinks that 6 months is enough time for planning a wedding. I’d prefer more than that obviously.
Post # 11
In my experience I’ve found that men like to throw things out there just to see the reaction. Then they sit on it a while. The problem is that because they REALLY DON’T pick up on social cues like women do they don’t realize how crazy that makes us.
You are not over analyzing, you are being a woman and that means constantly noting social cues around you. We are hard wired that way.
Don’t expect anything too quick though. He will take a bit to process and take the next itty bitty mental step.
An 18 month engagement is a bit longer than usual.
First weddings take longer to plan because they tend to be ore elaborate. But you can keep your eyes open and decide what you like and don’t ike so that you can present limited options when the time comes, and that can keep the planning easier. Look at invitation styles and wording. Look at dresses, even try some one so you know what style suits you. Why not? Don’t decide yet, just do your research.
My love-of-my-life FINALLY proposed Sunday, and last night asked me what I would wear. I evaded the question. I had to fess up that I have had the dress for 8 months because it was perfect and I knew the proposal would come sooner rather than later.
Hang in there (from someone who 5 days ago thought she was going insane waiting).