(Closed) Am I over thinking?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
4062 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Probably, yes he’s just being a typical guy 🙂 they don’t plan things the way we do. To his brain, to have a kid in 3 years means that you need to be married 10 months before the baby arrives. And to do that, he should propose about a month before that – so realistically, two years from now. Men don’t plan 18-month engagements (unless you’ve talked about that, sober, and he’s stated, himself, that that is something he wants). 

Post # 4
451 posts
Helper bee

I agree, I think he’s doing something kind of typical in men… or at least something my SO has done, too.  A few months back, my SO and I were talking about our future in a way that suggested we’d be getting engaged pretty soon.  I came to this conclusion after thinking through the timelines for engagements and whatnot.  I, too, wasn’t sure if he meant it, so I asked.  Turns out my suspicions were right, and he hadn’t thought into the dates like I had.  He said he wouldn’t rule out getting engaged in that time frame, but that he didn’t think we would.

Although this doesn’t mean your guy is the same way, it’s certainly possible he wasn’t really thinking about it.

Post # 5
451 posts
Helper bee

(oops, double post)

Post # 6
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@Glasgowbound:  lol, this sounds like my SO!! I told him I needed a year to plan a wedding and he was like, what?! I don’t want to wait that long! I said he should have done it sooner, lol!  And yes, I’m stillll waiting! Typical guy for sure!

Post # 7
409 posts
Helper bee

I agree with PP that his idea of the perfect length for an engagement may be less than yours. Perhaps you should talk about how long you think an engagement should be If he knew yours was at least a year then he would have to keep that in mind in regard to the “3 year time” baby timeframe.

Post # 8
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I am in the exact same boat!  He said we would definitely have kids by 35.  Well, I turned 33 not too long ago.  And he still says we are on pace for kids by 35. (!!)

I can say with certainty that my SO thinks 6 months is more than enough time for an engagement.  So your SO is likely doing the same cracked math in his head.  It’s not their fault, they just don’t know how wedding planning really works!

I talked to my SO to try to make it clear, but I’m not sure it ever sunk in…hence here I am waiting!

Post # 9
180 posts
Blushing bee

He’s a typical guy that either not thinking about the planning process or doesn’t know how long planning takes.  I had a similar conversation with my bf regarding our engagement/marriage/children timeline and said “well, if we have our first in 3 years, that means we need to subtract 9 months for the pregnancy, then another year to enjoy being married childless, then another year just to plan the wedding…” And he said ‘what?  It takes a year to plan a wedding?’ lol

Post # 10
1144 posts
Bumble bee

My SO definitely thinks that 6 months is enough time for planning a wedding. I’d prefer more than that obviously.

Post # 11
11 posts

In my experience I’ve found that men like to throw things out there just to see the reaction. Then they sit on it a while. The problem is that because they REALLY DON’T pick up on social cues like women do they don’t realize how crazy that makes us.

You are not over analyzing, you are being a woman and that means constantly noting social cues around you. We are hard wired that way.

Don’t expect anything too quick though. He will take a bit to process and take the next itty bitty mental step.

An 18 month engagement is a bit longer than usual.

First weddings take longer to plan because they tend to be ore elaborate. But you can keep your eyes open and decide what you like and don’t ike so that you can present limited options when the time comes, and that can keep the planning easier. Look at invitation styles and wording. Look at dresses, even try some one so you know what style suits you. Why not? Don’t decide yet, just do your research.

My love-of-my-life FINALLY proposed Sunday, and last night asked me what I would wear. I evaded the question. I had to fess up that I have had the dress for 8 months because it was perfect and I knew the proposal would come sooner rather than later.

Hang in there (from someone who 5 days ago thought she was going insane waiting).

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