(Closed) Am I overacting??

posted 7 years ago in Family
  • poll: what do you think
    am I being Childish : (2 votes)
    3 %
    Is my Mother in -law being childish : (44 votes)
    70 %
    or are we both : (17 votes)
    27 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    858 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I think you’ll cool down, and eventually talk to her again so I voted just she is being childish. 12 year olds can definitely act out, and I remember when I was 12 my aunt and uncle tried to act overly parental, and it made me act out even more, because I have actual parents, and they said something similar about me. And I definitely think it was stupid of them to make such a big deal about a tween having an attitude, because I haven’t forgotten and it hurt. It just isn’t necessary to say, at least not in that way.

    Post # 4
    Member
    258 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I think your mother in law is being inappropriate but I think when you react by saying your mad and never want to talk to her again, I respectfully think you’re over-reacting and being unrealistic.  I would wait until things calm down, then be the bigger person.  Go appologize(I know, you shouldn’t have to, but really, it’s in the interest of you both), then calmly explain what she did that made you react that way and what you think is appropriate for her to comment on in the future.  Explain you don’t feel comfortable tolerating her calling your daughter a “bitch” and that while you appreciate feedback on things, it is more constructive when it’s not so critical.  You hope she apprecaites that you make make some different choices than her and that does not make them wrong.  You are going to be family and are sorry for how you reacted, and hope you both can be mature adults in the future. 

    Really, I can’t believe she called a 12 year old that.  I hope the daughter didn’t hear.  Certainly not good for a young woman’s development!

    Post # 5
    Member
    3049 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 1991

    I would say both. She has no right to call your daughter names. Also, she may be concerned about her grandchildren… but she needs to understand that they’re grandchildren and that you are their mother. So if you need help you’ll ask. I would say that telling her to not call again and that you never want to talk to her again is childish. What she did, in my mind, doesn’t mean you should never talk to her again. I would want to take a break from her definitely. But that’s just my opinion. Hope it all works out!

    Post # 6
    Member
    294 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I’m in the minority. I would have reacted the same way. (Please no bashing, we all have our own feelings.)  I have a 14 year old daughter and she is very difficult. But that is completely beyond inappropriate for a grown woman to say that about a child. Regardless of whether the child was from a previous marriage or not.

    If someone were to say that -even my MIL- I would tell her to not speak to me again either. Ever. I wouldn’t want her around my kids. You are your daughter’s biggest advocate and I hope to Heaven that your daughter didn’t hear it.

    Post # 8
    Member
    14484 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I’m sure a teen can act like a b*tch and warrent someone thinking she is one, but it’s never right in my mind to actually SAY that to the child.  On the other hand saying you never want to talk to her ever is extreme also, but I’d tell her that I don’t want to hear another word from her about raising your children again if you really disagree with her ways.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3049 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 1991

    @juliesprague: Well either way, I understand why you did what you did. I think when people say something offensive, the normal reaction is to overreact and say something nasty back. I still think that in the future it’s possible to still have a relationship with her, especially since she is the grandmother. You’re kids aren’t going to have terrible lives without her, but she would probably make you miserable if you didn’t let her see them every once in a while. Then again, I don’t know you or her personally… so this is all coming from my relationships with friends/family, etc.

    Post # 10
    Member
    464 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Personally, I have smaller kids, but I do believe its more than just calling her the B*** word. It seems like she doesnt accept your child from another marrage, and THAT is just as bad. I have step family, and have NEVER been treated as such. When you get married the “step” family is family. Also, calling a 12 year old a B*** even if she was giving attitude is childish and emotionally abusive to me, and NO I wouldnt be talking to said person until my daughter (and me) got a personal appology, even if she was my Future Mother-In-Law.

    Post # 11
    Member
    464 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Forgot to say…On the other side though, I would have said (If I could keep my head) something along the lines of:

    “this is MY daughter, and soon to be your granddaughter. Until you can act that way and appologize, I dont see that we have anything else to say on this. Also, if I hear you say anything like this again around her or my other childeren, I will have to have a serious talk to my soon to be husband about weather it is healthy to have any of the childeren around you from now on.”

    Post # 12
    Member
    5096 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Anyone who calls your daughter a bitch to her face cannot be trusted to be around your children.

    The topic ‘Am I overacting??’ is closed to new replies.

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