(Closed) Am I Overreacting?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m not sure. I think it’s actually sweet. A lot of Bees have had to put a little pressure on their Fiance (I believe I’m wording that wrong, but you get the idea) but I think your situation naturally put a little pressure on hime and made him realize he doesn’t ever want to be away from you, even if you’re staying this time. Know what I mean?

Post # 4
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t think it is completely wrong of him. I can relate by that my fh is basically on a schedule because of the military. He is going to college and will commission in May so we will get married right after that and we will move together as he starts his Air Force career. It happens to work that way but sometimes I had worried in the back of my mind it was just because I happened to be his g/f at the right time. I know we love each other so I forgot this quickly!

BUT I did have an ex who dumped me but saw that I was moving on with my life and he all of a sudden wanted me back. I think your b/f loves you to say he wants to get married and for the situation not to be for you to just move in with him. I think you should still wait a little bit to figure it out before deciding that he is the one for you!

Post # 5
Member
690 posts
Busy bee

I do think you are overreacting a bit.  Like you said, you aren’t going anywhere.  He doesn’t need to marry you just to keep you around – you’re staying around anyways.  I’d be more upset if he was like “fine i’ll marry you if you threaten to leave if I don’t”. 

But, if he’s being serious, and it doesn’t feel like the ‘right’ reason to get married, you should tell him.

Post # 6
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

If he wants to keep you, how could it NOT be out of love?  Marraige is a pretty big thing to propose (pun intended) simply to keep you around.  I think the cricumstances were probably not the most romantic, but he’s spoken pretty clearly that he wants you in his life and will do wht it takes to keep you in his life, which is pretty much what love and marraige are about – making a pledge to become a unit and work through life together.  While I understand lots of people apprirach marraige for many other reasons, that doesn’t sound like the case for you guys.

Think about it this way  -you told him you’re staying.  He told you he wants you to stay – it’s not wine and roses, but it’s a definite declaration of how he feels about making ysure you’re together.  Enjoy it, and decide if you’re going to follow though with his pseudo-proposal 🙂 – he mght eventually get ‘comfortable’ in the idea you won’t ‘need’ marraige if you tell him so now, and then you’ll be pulling teeth later (read lots of posts on here and you’ll see lots of stories where the guy was gung ho for marraige early on, but as he got used to the relationship, he was more balky). 

Post # 7
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I think his statement pretty much shows that he loves you, and that’s the main reason he wants to marry you. He doesn’t want you going anywhere, and that’s really sweet of him…I think it’s his way of expressing that he absolutely DOES love you and wants to marry you. I think you’re reading into his words a little too much. Guys aren’t always the best at expressing themselves, and I think what he was trying to say was sweet minded.

Post # 8
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I see where you’re coming from, but think the ultimate point here is that he loves you and wants to be sure you’re not separated.

Were I in you position and ready for marriage I would communicate to him that a romantic proposal is important to you to make up for the way he srt of blurted out his intentions.

Does he know you’re not going to leave, regardless?  If yes and he doesn’t take any action that’s a whole other kettle of fish.

Post # 9
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

You’re both so young! You mention high school ending 3.5 years ago and I’m not sure what’s been in between.  You also say you’re not going to follow your family around forever.  I don’t think 21 is forever-anything! At the same time, I think you are being a little hard on your guy, but it’s also possible that he’s being a bit impulsive and you’re reading this right.  You also say even your own feelings need to settle a bit, what with your parents moving far away.  Why don’t you let things do just that for a while? Tell your Boyfriend or Best Friend how you feel about him and how you feel about marrying him – do you even know? Do you have any idea when you might like to marry… him? Discuss it with him and then dial it down a bit.  Consider what your plans were/are/might have been when you tell us you were going to stay in town once your family left – before his proposal. I would seriously think about going ahead with those initial plans and for neither of you to go right from parents’ homes to one of your own.  That’s what my parents did many years ago! Not to be snarky, but living independently in one’s 20s is very good for the soul, for the future, for what two people ultimately bring to the marriage table.  Make any sense?

 

 

Post # 10
Member
962 posts
Busy bee

@pink_sugar_bee: I have to agree with the other Bees, I think what he said was pretty romantic. Men typically propose when they think they are going to lose the woman they love. They rarely are motivated to propose when they are comfortable.

Post # 11
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@jackndiane: “They rarely are motivated to propose when they are comfortable.”

I disagree with this, but I get what you’re trying to say.

Post # 14
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Daaww I think it’s sweet! :3

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