Post # 1
A little backstory first– Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 1/2 yesr(since we were seniors in highschool.) Marriage has been brought up many times,and it’s something we both want. My boyfriend acts like he really wants to get married yet, never seems to take any steps to get the ball rolling( I see no engagment in the forseeable future…). Anyways, getting to my point. I live with my parents(as does he with his.) My dad recently got a job offer after being unemployed for almost a year. The problem is that the job is pretty much on the opposite end of the country(think south to north midwest.) Suddenky my boyfriend is like “we have to get married!” I asked him why and his response was “so you don’t leave!” Tat response really bothers me. First, beause he already knows i’m staying put, I’m a big girl and don’t feel like re-locating and I truly wanna stay with my man. The second thing that bothers me is that I feel like the only reason he wants to get married is to keep me. Not outta love, but out of not wanting to lose me. I told him I would have felt better bout it if we had already been engaged but the fact that he made no efffort till hhe’s worried I might walk out the door to another state? Idk bees, am I beimg to critical,considering my emotions are pretty high right now due to the fact that Idon’t want my family to go away( Im not gonna follow them around forever…). Or would you find his actions a little shady too?
Post # 3
I’m not sure. I think it’s actually sweet. A lot of Bees have had to put a little pressure on their Fiance (I believe I’m wording that wrong, but you get the idea) but I think your situation naturally put a little pressure on hime and made him realize he doesn’t ever want to be away from you, even if you’re staying this time. Know what I mean?
Post # 4
I don’t think it is completely wrong of him. I can relate by that my fh is basically on a schedule because of the military. He is going to college and will commission in May so we will get married right after that and we will move together as he starts his Air Force career. It happens to work that way but sometimes I had worried in the back of my mind it was just because I happened to be his g/f at the right time. I know we love each other so I forgot this quickly!
BUT I did have an ex who dumped me but saw that I was moving on with my life and he all of a sudden wanted me back. I think your b/f loves you to say he wants to get married and for the situation not to be for you to just move in with him. I think you should still wait a little bit to figure it out before deciding that he is the one for you!
Post # 5
I do think you are overreacting a bit. Like you said, you aren’t going anywhere. He doesn’t need to marry you just to keep you around – you’re staying around anyways. I’d be more upset if he was like “fine i’ll marry you if you threaten to leave if I don’t”.
But, if he’s being serious, and it doesn’t feel like the ‘right’ reason to get married, you should tell him.
Post # 6
If he wants to keep you, how could it NOT be out of love? Marraige is a pretty big thing to propose (pun intended) simply to keep you around. I think the cricumstances were probably not the most romantic, but he’s spoken pretty clearly that he wants you in his life and will do wht it takes to keep you in his life, which is pretty much what love and marraige are about – making a pledge to become a unit and work through life together. While I understand lots of people apprirach marraige for many other reasons, that doesn’t sound like the case for you guys.
Think about it this way -you told him you’re staying. He told you he wants you to stay – it’s not wine and roses, but it’s a definite declaration of how he feels about making ysure you’re together. Enjoy it, and decide if you’re going to follow though with his pseudo-proposal 🙂 – he mght eventually get ‘comfortable’ in the idea you won’t ‘need’ marraige if you tell him so now, and then you’ll be pulling teeth later (read lots of posts on here and you’ll see lots of stories where the guy was gung ho for marraige early on, but as he got used to the relationship, he was more balky).
Post # 7
I think his statement pretty much shows that he loves you, and that’s the main reason he wants to marry you. He doesn’t want you going anywhere, and that’s really sweet of him…I think it’s his way of expressing that he absolutely DOES love you and wants to marry you. I think you’re reading into his words a little too much. Guys aren’t always the best at expressing themselves, and I think what he was trying to say was sweet minded.
Post # 8
I see where you’re coming from, but think the ultimate point here is that he loves you and wants to be sure you’re not separated.
Were I in you position and ready for marriage I would communicate to him that a romantic proposal is important to you to make up for the way he srt of blurted out his intentions.
Does he know you’re not going to leave, regardless? If yes and he doesn’t take any action that’s a whole other kettle of fish.
Post # 9
You’re both so young! You mention high school ending 3.5 years ago and I’m not sure what’s been in between. You also say you’re not going to follow your family around forever. I don’t think 21 is forever-anything! At the same time, I think you are being a little hard on your guy, but it’s also possible that he’s being a bit impulsive and you’re reading this right. You also say even your own feelings need to settle a bit, what with your parents moving far away. Why don’t you let things do just that for a while? Tell your Boyfriend or Best Friend how you feel about him and how you feel about marrying him – do you even know? Do you have any idea when you might like to marry… him? Discuss it with him and then dial it down a bit. Consider what your plans were/are/might have been when you tell us you were going to stay in town once your family left – before his proposal. I would seriously think about going ahead with those initial plans and for neither of you to go right from parents’ homes to one of your own. That’s what my parents did many years ago! Not to be snarky, but living independently in one’s 20s is very good for the soul, for the future, for what two people ultimately bring to the marriage table. Make any sense?
Post # 10
@pink_sugar_bee: I have to agree with the other Bees, I think what he said was pretty romantic. Men typically propose when they think they are going to lose the woman they love. They rarely are motivated to propose when they are comfortable.
Post # 11
@jackndiane: “They rarely are motivated to propose when they are comfortable.”
I disagree with this, but I get what you’re trying to say.
Post # 12
Thanks to all you Bees who replied! Sorry I’ve taken so long to respond.
Update- So, I talked to him about how I was feeling and he told me that I should do what I feel is right for me. Honestly, I do love him and couldn’t imagine life without him so I know I want us to get married in the future. I guess at that moment I got more freaked out than anything… I always saw us getting married, but I never saw it happening like this. But oh well, that’s life. Unpredictable
Post # 13
Oh and sorry bout all the typos…stupid android
Post # 14
Daaww I think it’s sweet! :3