Post # 1
My fiance and I are getting married next August and dont have a very high budget for the wedding. I wanted someone from his side of the family to stand up so I decided to ask his 16 year old sister which his mom sort of already expected. I have already asked all of the bridesmaids if they could purchase their own dresses and I am looking at cheaper ones around the $50-$75 price range, but his mom refuses to buy his sisters dress, she expects us to. She is also very controlling over her daughter and wont let her out of the house to get a job so paying for it herself is not an option. I love his sister and will pay for the dress if it comes down to it, but it just irritates me that she wants to take no part in helping even after we let her and her 6 other kids live in our small apartment at one point when she had no where to go.
Am I overreacting or am I wrong for expecting them to pay for it? Sorry for the long vent lol.
Post # 3
Sounds like she’s pretty strapped for cash if she’s been kicked out and had no where to go. If you want her in the wedding party, theres no choice but to suck it up and pay for the dress. If you dont and its just his mom pushing it, and she’s refusing to pay, then I’d refuse too and say if she cant get the dress, then she cant be in the party.
Post # 4
@stephko99: You’re definitely not overreacting, but I guess in order to keep some family harmony, you should buy the dress so the girl doesn’t feel caught in the middle. She will thank you later.
Post # 5
It sounds like she has some money problems. $50-75 might not seem like a lot to you, but it can be a lot for someone who is living paycheck to paycheck and has that many kids. And don’t forget, the dress probably won’t be the first and only expense of being a bridesmaid. I think you should pay for the dress if you want her in your wedding.
Post # 6
I agree with all of the comments and if she really was pressed for money I would not expect anything, but she no longer is. She very easily could pay for the dress, she just refuses to. I do not want to take it out on his sister by not including her though, so I will buy it. It just irritates me that we were always the first person to help her when she was in need but now that she’s doing good, she wants to take no part in helping for the wedding.
Post # 7
It’s hard to know whether someone is strapped for cash because she may still owe a lot of debt. Ultimately it’s the problem of asking someone who isn’t yet an independent adult to be in the wedding – the burden goes to a parent who may be unwilling to accept it. You can let the girl know that your gift to her will be the dress (just don’t get all of the other girls matching items then or she’ll feel left out). But also, if it’s next August…she may be able to pay for part of it by then by babysitting (which isn’t a “real” job in the same sense as working at a fast food joint after school). It’s a lot of cash for a teenager to part with though.
Post # 8
I completely understand how you are feeling.
Post # 9
You’re not over-reacting at all. I asked all my bm’s to pay for their dresses as well since we’re on such a tight budget already (the bm’s dresses are being made so I agreed to foot the cost of the material). However, I am paying for my 14 year old sister’s dress. My mom is already pretty strapped for cash, is also in my wedding so has to pay for her own dress plus has to buy plane tickets for 4-5 people to come to the wedding so it was the least I could do.