Post # 1
Because this conversation really ticked me off:
Cousin’s Girlfriend: So, awhile ago you mentioned that you were thinking about starting a family. How’s that going?
Me: There is no news on that front.
Cousin’s Girlfriend: But how is it *going*?
Me: Oh look, I forgot to take the plastic wrap off the cookie plate.
Cousin: It’s ok, you can tell her to shut up.
Post # 3
@ElbieKay: I am not sure how long you have been TTC or what your story it, but this is going to happen a lot. The longer you try the more difficult it will become. I have been trying to remind myself that everyone means well (whether they do or not) and I try to respond with “we have decided to keep these things between the two of us”, “we’ll be sure to announce any news when the time comes”. Other times if I have a bad TTC day, my response is something like “Actually we are having fertility issues, so no it might not just happen if we stop thinking about it”. Sorry you even have to think about these things! FX for you!
Post # 4
@ElbieKay: Ughhh, unfortunately I agree with @RoyalLime:. If I could do one thing over it would be to NOT tell anyone that we were starting to TTC. People (especially those who have never had an issues/difficulty getting pregnant) don’t understand that it’s not a topic that we always want to discuss. I’d say that your cousin’s Girlfriend was trying to be nice/involved and doesn’t know that it can be intrusive to want specific info. Crazy, I know =)
Post # 6
I would be annoyed… that’s why we didn’t tell anyone about our plans to TTC.
Post # 7
This is why I’ll be keeping it between me and my husband if we ever TTC. If you put it out there that you’re trying, you’ve opened that door and people are going to think it’s fair game to ask you about it.
Post # 8
i don’t think i would tell anyone… there’s so much pressure after that. Or i’d be VERY picky who i choose. Also, i’m sure she just wants to be the 1st to know when you get your BFP 😉
Post # 9
@ElbieKay: I totally agree with lindsey_k_16 and MRSLMA. It’s frustrating because Darling Husband told his little brother before our wedding that we wanted kids right away, not really thinking that his 10 year old brother would tell his whole family that and then they would ask me every month if I’m pg. I wish we’d never told anyone our plans to TTC. Now, I feel like I have to explain myself and come up with an excuse every month (timing was bad, he was out of town, etc.), when that’s ridiculous – I don’t need to explain anything to anyone. I feel like if I don’t, though, then they’re all wondering behind my back what’s wrong with me. Anyway, sorry for going off on a tangent with a personal vent. I wish I had good advice for how to handle those questions. If you come up with a good response, please pass it on. 😉
Post # 10
All.The.Freaking.Time. Oh my goodness, it drives me insane. My response has become ‘we will have one when God blesses us with one’ and they shut up. Obviously if you don’t believe in God it doesnt work but I always have to laugh when people get that response from me. What could they say back to that? Nothing!
Sorry, been ttc for 1+ years and i’m over the whole thing. I’m ready to get pregant! agh!
Post # 11
Ugh, people stink. I am BAFFLED that anyone under 60 would ever ask about this (60 seems to be the I’m allowed to be unhinged age haha). I feel like everyone knows someone who has struggled with TTC, or miscarried – why would you ever ask? Not only is it none of your business, but you’re potentially setting yourself up for an unbelievable awkward conversation.
Post # 12
My Fiance can’t keep his mouth shut! We said early on that we wouldn’t tell anyone. Then friends come over and a few drinks later he hollars it from the rooftops. Unfortunately, if people know, the questions are unavoidable but @RoyalLime:‘s post really is great advice.
Post # 13
@ElbieKay: I’m sorry you are having to deal with that – I feel like once you let people knwo you are trying (or even thinking about trying) they feel like it is okay to make casual conversation about it – I honestly think it is because (most people) they are interested in your life.
When we started trying we didn’t tell anyone – not even my mom officially – which was really hard, but I just didn’t want all the questions and all the pressure – especially since it’s Destination Wedding and I, we were immediately going to IUI and I was worried about how crazy long it would take.
Post # 15
Ugh! People are really insensitive. We told people we were going to start trying in May but then we decided to wait until August. In the middle of that time period we were SO annoyed with the questions that we then changed our story and told people we decided we weren’t ready and were going to wait a year. We started trying and conceived but stuck with that story until we announced we were pregnant.
Post # 16
Thanks to all for your feedback! FTR, the following factors also come into play here: 1) My close friends are (apparently) much more considerate than the cousin’s girlfriend. Maybe I have high standards for manners? I didn’t think so! 2) The cousin has been dating this gf for less than a year, I have only met her 4-5 times and cannot figure out what he sees in her. 3) The only time this came up with her was a few months ago when we were talking about our new condo. It has an L-shaped livingroom so there is the possibility to put up a wall and create a 3rd bedroom. I mentioned that it would be good to have the added flexibility if we ever have kids. So yes, technically I brought it up but it was a tangential comment and I didn’t think it was that big of a deal.
So, unfortunately, I guess I can no longer be relaxed around my cousin when his girlfriend is around. She is too dumb for me to trust her judgment, so I have to impose an Information Lockdown. I am upset because I see this affecting my relationship with my cousin since I really hate spending time with her.