(Closed) Am I Overreacting…?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Once you sent the save-the-date you are obligated to invite them.  It doesn’t really matter if they invited you to their wedding… some people have small weddings and other people have bigger weddings with extended family present. 

Post # 4
Member
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

If you sent her a save the date you have to send her an invitation.

Now, she should feel odd coming to your wedding when she didn’t invite you to hers, and hopefully won’t do so. But I think you’ve obligated yourself to at least invite her.

Post # 5
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Sounds like she is just having a smaller wedding than you, which is nothing to be offended by. It would be far more rude for you to send her a save the date and then not follow it up with an invitation than it is for her to have a small guest list that doesn’t include cousins. Fiance had a cousin that attended our wedding with his fiancee, and a few months later when they got married my FI’s parents were invited but we weren’t, and I wasn’t offended – everyone has different guest lists/budgets/space constraints, and it’s not like they’re super close where I would be offended to not be invited.

So basically, yes, while I understand being a little put off for a moment, you’re overreacting and still need to invite them. Sorry.

Post # 6
Member
2515 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@lovelylight99:  we invited aunts and uncles but not cousins. our guestlist was only 40 people and DH’s dad’s side of the family has a lot of cousins and he’s not close to any of them. he’s really not close to his aunts and uncles on his dad’s side either but we invited them anyways because his dad wanted us to.

also, you need to send her an invite since you already sent a STD.

 

Post # 8
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I don’t think there is any obligation for them to invite you guys to their wedding just because your Fiance is her cousin. They had to cut it off somewhere, and that’s just where they chose to stop inviting people. They may be having a smaller wedding, and I wouldn’t take it personally since none of the cousins were invited, not just you guys. But I said this on the last thread, you really shouldn’t send someone a save the date and then not invite them to the wedding. That’s incredibly rude. It sucks that your in this position, butI would just suck it up and invite them. If you don’t invite them, it will be obvious that you are doing it out of spite, and that is not the impression you want your FI’s family to have of you.

 

Post # 9
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We’re not inviting cousins.  There’s just too many of them, and we can’t invite a couple without inviting them all.  We’d have been stuck with a 200+ person wedding with all of them, and that just wasn’t going to happen.  And yes, a Save the Date means that they’re getting an invitation.  That’s why most of them say ‘Formal invitation to follow’.

Post # 11
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@lovelylight99:  That’s a good idea. At least that way you will have followed all the etiquette rules, and the ball is in her court at that point.

Post # 13
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@lovelylight99:  Just thought it was odd but then it makes perfect sense considering she and her fiance are requesting money to help pay for their flowers and their honeymoon. 


Wow. I would probably be grateful to NOT be invited then, lol! She does kinda sound like my FI’s cousin who didn’t invite us to theirs. Like I said, I didn’t mind not being invited to the wedding, it was a pretty small one – but thought that it was more than a bit odd last month when I got a baby shower invite (okay, so you don’t invite me to events where you’ll have to pay to feed me, but if it involves me getting you a gift and someone else is paying, then I can come?) and requested a gift, and a pack of diapers, and wipes, and a book instead of a card. I declined.

Post # 14
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@lovelylight99:  Oh yeah, don’t even get me started on people asking for money, that’s a whole new can of worms haha

Honestly, I’m with PP, I’d be grateful that you don’t have to go lol

Post # 16
Member
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

You told her to save the date. Now you should follow through with that. However, maybe they’ll decline and you won’t have to worry about it.

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