Post # 1
Here’s a little background…I have always had a difficult time making friends with woman. I grew up with all brothers and have always been a complete tomboy. My girlfriends have always been my team mates and outside of that I have never really had female friends.
I moved to Denver 3 years ago and had a really tough time making friends. In the past year, I have made friends with these two woman. They are not like any of my close friends and I know that and at times I don’t feel the deepest connection with them. But, besides them I don’t really have friends besides my Fiance and his male friends.
My Fiance runs a restaurant that only serves dinner so he has odd hours. He gets random nights off so my two female friends don’t really see him too often. On Friday night I went to dinner with my two friends and everything was great at first. I had just told my friends my dog got rejected from doggie daycare and before I could say because she needed to get a shot my one friend goes on a rant about how my dog is too playful and has too much energy (she’s a year old). So I tried to change the subject to a project I was doing at work that was interesting and before I could start the same friend begins to talk over me and say my life isn’t interesting and begins to talk about herself. The conversation changes to Thanksgiving and how the group is doing a friendsgiving instead. I tell my two firends that I won’t be able to come because my FI’s family recently decided to host thanksgiving. My other friend goes on a rant about how my Fiance and I have terrible communication issues and we shouldn’t get married and we never spend time together and it’s pointless.
I excused myself from dinner and went home because I was so hurt that my friends decided to just pick me apart. This is not the first time something like this has happened with these two and I am seriously considering ending the friendship. Almost every time I hang out with them I feel like they are just picking on me with little digs like this. I have tried talking to them and it continues to happen. Am I overreacting by just wanting to end this friendship?
Post # 3
You are certainly not overreacting. These women sound awful! I wouldn’t want their negativity in my life either.
Post # 4
@Lbward6: They don’t sound like that great of friends, so you probably won’t be losing much by ending the friendship.
Post # 5
The better question is “Do you have DOORMAT stamped on your forehead”? Seriously. I know you have trouble acquiring women friends, but the reason they are running on and all over you is that you LET IT HAPPEN. Learn some skills for these situations and others that will, in fact, come your way.
For example: with the doggie thing, your reply should have been “Excuse me, but the rejection was NOT for being too playful. YOu are most certainly NOT Cesar Milan!” For the communication thing, a nice zinger would have been “OMG, who died and made YOU Dr. Ruth?”
If you have doormat written on your head, ppl will most assuredly walk on it.
As for that friendship, weight it out. Weight/counterweight. What do you GET from the relationships with these two? What do you lose? Do you value these 2? If not, cut them loose. Start again.
Post # 6
No. Making friends is hard, but that doesn’t mean you deserve sub-par friends. If you think you could still enjoy hanging out with them, and are willing to put up with what sounds like their jealousy…. but i don’t think you are overreacting to cut them out. They sound kind of miserable.
Post # 7
@Baron I wouldn’t say I am a doormat..I’m pretty feisty but I don’t think that kind of reaction is appropriate in a restaurant, it’s kind of just asking for a verbal altercation.
Post # 8
@Lbward6: I’d rather be home alone than out and wishing I was home alone. If they don’t make you feel good about yourself, arw judgemental, insulting, and poor friends, then what value are they adding to your life? You can join a book club or a sports team or any number of hobbies to meet new people. You don’t have to settle for mean girls because you feel there are no other options.
Women can be such bitches and groups of 3 are the worst. Sorry you’re having to deal with this. With friends like that, you don’t need enemies!
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta
@Lbward6: I COMPLETELY understand! I have three brothers 0 sisters. I don’t really get along with women, they are always so catty and petty and jealous! I don’t have very many friends, only one is female and we aren’t very close. It does make me sad that I don’t have many girlfriends but it better than having awful friends! Try one more time and if it happens again say something like, “Ya know that is actually very hurtful”.
Post # 10
Definitely not overreacting, I wouldn’t bother speaking to them again.
Post # 11
@Lbward6: First step – stop calling them friends.
I’m so sorry. 🙁
Post # 12
@Lbward6: Was this said as a joke?!? in reference to you talking about a project: “say my life isn’t interesting and begins to talk about herself. “
ummmmm not cool!
You can make better friends for sure!
Post # 13
@veryberry13 nope, 100% serious, I thought it was a joke and looked at my other “friend” for validation and she didn’t even acknowledge it. I really felt like I was hanging out with Regina George and Gretchen Weiners.
Post # 14
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
@Lbward6: End it. Refuse to hang out with people who don’t make you feel smart, special and like you can be your true self.
Post # 15
Those two don’t really sound like “friends” to me. I can’t imagine wanting to spend any time with them going forward
Post # 16
Oh, OP, I understand this way too much. I have/have had a lot of trouble making friends so I ended up with a lot of sub-par friends who never really cared about me. This is just the type of things they would do. It will never leave you feeling okay.
I suggest doing what I never had the strength to do and walk away. Yeah, it’s hard meeting new people, in a new city, with no jumping off point. My number one suggestion, and probably the way I have met most of my true friends to this point is to find a hobby that you like. If you are enjoying yourself, other people will enjoy being with you.