- 4 years ago
- Wedding: October 2015
Sorry bees, I feel really bad right now.
My FI’s family has not met my family yet, although his mother asks frequently about when they will. I have never had a great relationship with FIs mom, she can be pretty rude and opionated which is what the issue is today.
I graduate in June from college and I figured I should have a graduation party as an excuse to bring family together. I never had one for high school because I felt like it was silly since most people graduate HS. I’m not a big party person anyways.
We have a group chat going on with FIs siblings and parents. We were all talking about random junk and at one point I said “you guys had all better come to my graduation party in June!” thinking they would take the bait and realize they could meet my family, etc.
Well, it wasn’t received well for some reason. His mom basically berates me for wanting a college graduation party – graduation parties are only for high school. She’s never been invited to one, and its seems selfish to invite the same people for another graduation since they already gave presents once. “Not that you can’t have one, just that I wouldn’t have one and neither would my kids.”
I feel it necessary to say that all four of her kids had blow out high school graduation parties and she never went to college, nor did most of her friends. She also knows I never had a HS grad party so her logic doesn’t make sense.
Anyways, I tried to be strong but I was really upset by that. It embarrased me in front of FIs whole family. I told my fiance I was upset that she was making me feel terrible and he responded to her: “mom stop being mean. _____ can have a graduation party if she wants” to which his mom said “stop being so defensive” (unsure if she meant he was being defensive or me, who never responded).
I ended up tearing up a little bit because it just reminded me of all the crap I’m going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. She says this kind of stuff all the time. Any time I’ve had a wedding idea she shuts it down. I’m getting sick of it.
FI told me I was overreacting, and making excuses for his mom’s actions. I am feeling pretty betrayed by the whole thing. I mean, this is such a stupid thing: a college graduation party with some of my OOT relatives and his immediately family. God forbid I want to celebrate something important to me with loved ones. No one ever said anything about money (I didn’t even know people gave gifts for graduation?!) .
So now I feel really shitty and my fiance is upset because he doesn’t understand why I’m hurt by him not standing up for me. Ugh. Do you guys think I’m overreacting?? What would you say to her if you were me? Doesn’t help that we are visiting his family tomorrow for dinner…