(Closed) Am I Overreacting?!

posted 8 years ago in Career
Post # 3
191 posts
Blushing bee

You are NOT overreacting… That is deff not work appropriate at all — especially considering the type of environment you work in.

I’m like you — that kind of talk is not for work and I usually stay out of it when my co-workers are joking about it.

Bleck, that’s just so rude!

Post # 4
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

It’s certainly not appropriate.  I’d be mad too!  Here’s the deal, though….You shouldn’t have to tell her any personal information…You get a lunch break, and per federal regulations, she can not tell you what you can or cannot do during your lunch break.  I wouldnt’ give her any more details about anything personal!  That will teach her to stay out of your business. 

It’s also important to remember what it made her look like in the eyes of the other employees and family members.  They probably know your reputation and past history of being a private person.  Therefore, they realize that she was just being rude when she said this…and it goes to show that she has ZERO class!

Chin up!  If you’ve layed the groundwork as far as being private, no one will hold her comments against you!

Post # 5
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree that’s inappropriate. You shouldn’t be made to feel that uncomfortable, especially when you have not joked that way in the past. 

I think it’s a nurse thing (and I say that with love) because not only do they see and deal with all the previously awkward bodily functions, but they work long hours and always end up tired. Still though, there are boundaries! 

Future Mother-In-Law is a nurse, and I think her sense of humor is hilarious… but it put me off at first since I wasn’t used to it. There is a seriously traceable pattern: lack of sleep yields smutty humor. The more tired she is, the sillier she gets. I honestly always had the sense of humor, but it was weird to hear coming from my Future Mother-In-Law.

Post # 7
2463 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

wow, super inappropriate! i don’t know for sure, but i’d think that kind of joke could be considered sexual harrassment. i’d be clear to her if it happens again that you aren’t comfortable talking about that at work, and maybe look in to your office’s policies.

my office is a very friendly place and i have a lot of work friends, but it would definitely not be okay to talk about that level of personal detail, especially not with a supervisor.

Post # 9
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

Yeah, uh, she’s violating some federal standards there. If she says it again I’d make it clear that you have to run to the bank or pick up drycleaning during lunch. And you can always take it to HR/your superiors or the Department of Labor (I think that’s who is in charge of this)!

Good luck. So rude and so inappropriate.

Post # 10
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I would actually say that is harrassment.  You could file a claim. 

Post # 12
2463 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

okay, wow, this doesn’t sound like high school, it sounds like a hostile workplace. sexual harrassment and pregnancy discrimination? sounds like you and your cousin should look into approaching HR together, and if that doesn’t address the problems like you think it won’t, look into going above the hr person (is your work part of a larger company?) or talking to a labor lawyer

Post # 13
1032 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I would suggest talking to your boss

“Overreacting” is kind of a loaded phrase. To say you are overreacting is to say you don’t have a right ot feel what you feel….or that you are wrong to be upset

I don’t think you are wrong at all …..BUT….I would suggest another way of looking at it: People are different. What is ok to joke about with one person, may be crossing the line to the other person

I tend to be someone who makes jokes a little more on the sexual side. I certainly don’t mean it to be rude or tacky…it is just the kinda of jokes that the people in my life tell.  And it’s just my personality. I have met people where I realized really fast that it was not ok to talk like that. But that isn’t to say that I havn’t fumbled once or twice and learned the hard way

I think it is 100% out of line to talk about ANYTHING sexual at all at work….BUT this person may have thought that joking about a “quickie” was something light and funny. I would bet that this person has no clue that their comment was so upsetting. They probablly thought they were beign funny….when to you there were being offensive…maybe even intentionally so

I would suggest to look at it like this: We are all differnt. Some people joke about things and don’t realize that someone else doesn’t joke like that. We can’t expect others to know what we think or feel is we don’t tell them. You should make a point of telling this person that the comment made you uncomfortable and youwould apprecaite if they didn’t talk like that with you again. I bet it will not happen again

Post # 15
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I think you just shouldn’t tell her where you are going.  Let her know you are “going out for lunch.”  If she asks where, just say “Out.”  It’s a curt response clearly indicating that you don’t wish to discuss it with her further.  You get your break like everyone else, and if you choose to use it to run errands, that is your business.

I know what you mean about not being able to say anything.  I think it’s a mistake to run to HR.  You should discuss it instead with your boss (if you think it’s a big deal or if you think she’ll keep making comments like that).  You could let her know that you didn’t like that she made the comment in front of the family members or just that it was inappropriate in general.  But if you are in fear of losing your job (and let’s face it, not everyone has the time and money to sue someone for being an idiot), I would just try to keep everything to yourself from now on.  She doesn’t need the information for you to perform your job, therefore you don’t need to tell her.

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