Am I Overreacting

posted 6 months ago in Weddingbee
Post # 2
Member
3683 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I guess more context is needed. How long had you guys been awake before you started listing off chores? In our house, Saturday mornings are definitely more relaxed. If I woke up and my husband started listing off things I needed to do, then I’d be annoyed too. He was over the top saying you’d ruined the weekend though. Sounds like it’s communication issues more than just the chores.

Post # 4
Member
4830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

It sounds like you were both overreacting if I’m honest.

Were you insisting that the wrapping was done while/ rather than him watching football? 

Did he say he needed to clean some things and you felt the chore you planned to do was more important? I’m just trying to understand how this even escalated.

Post # 6
Member
2409 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

You sound like you weren’t respecting his plan for himself for the day, and this probably was hurtful & frustrating for him.

Post # 7
Member
4830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

But he did tell you he wanted to do something else, he just told you he was going to clean something and you basically said ‘no I want you to help with and it’s more important’.

I definitely think he overreacted and was out of line but I do think you overreacted too and read the situation in a way to suit you.ByCandlelight :  

Post # 8
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I think you need to mutually come up with your plans and priorities, and then take responsibility for doing your part. Honestly, who cares if you’re a bad gift-wrapper? As long as the wrapping paper covers the gift, it’s fine. You won’t get better if you always make him do it.

Post # 9
Member
2107 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

ByCandlelight :  I do think you are being over sensitive. Especially because this seems like such a minor disagreement to be making a whole post on it. My Darling Husband  also can get a little prickly when I start to bring up chores and errands early on a weekend morning.  I do not force him to do any of them with me I just mention the ones that I would like to get done during the day and I start doing them. He then usually chooses the ones to help me with. 

Post # 10
Member
1923 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Maybe I’m just a terrible wife, but if I am nicely mentioning a couple chores I need my husband’s help with and he throws a fit and rips wrapping paper and says I’m ruining his weekend – then I would get annoyed for sure. Like, you can watch plenty of football and still help accomplish a couple useful things. 

Post # 11
Member
5962 posts
Bee Keeper

Yes you’re way overreacting. Go wrap your own presents.

Post # 12
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

Obviously I didn’t witness this scene, so I don’t have the full context, but I definitely would be annoyed if my husband reacted so immature and rudely when I asked him for help with a chore he’s known about all week. When in that situation, my SO usually asks “can I finish this for a minute?” if he’s working on a different chore. 

So I’d be annoyed and let him know that’s not an appropriate way to respond when he doesn’t want to help, but that’d be it. It wouldn’t be worrisome enough for me to post here.

Post # 13
Member
2864 posts
Sugar bee

I find that tone and timing are really key to these kinds of conversations. My husband is a bit more up and at em than me on weekend mornings, and I find it really irritating when I feel like I’m being scolded or nagged about things I was already planning on doing later. 

It shouldn’t be one person dictating a schedule of demands, but more of a discussion of what you can get done together that weekend. Since he was already planning on doing some cleaning, you could have just wrapped the presents yourself or offered to do the cleaning while he wrapped. (this is assuming he normally pulls his weight around the house) 

That said – he acted like a giant brat about it. Pitching fits about ‘ruining weekends’ is for 8 year olds. 

Post # 14
Member
77 posts
Worker bee

@wolfeyes I’m like you – I’ll get things done eventually but it takes me a while to “hatch” in the morning. I need a few cups of coffee and the paper and a snuggle with the pets before I’m ready to go. 

OP, it sounds like both of you were communicating past each other instead of to each other a bit. His reaction was out of line but it sounds like there might have been some build up under the surface that you didn’t realize. 

Because I’m not really a chores-right-away sort of person it’s been helpful in our relationship for my fiancé to say to me “when do you want to do [chores/activity he wants me to do with him]. Then I give him a specific time and stick to it and he doesn’t have to feel like he’s nagging me. Maybe this would help with your SO?

Post # 15
Member
10205 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

On occasion, he skips over being irritable or passive aggressive and just says something mean and unrelated which is what I think happened in this scenario. 

 

No, just no.  Nagging, scolding, whatever Hive perception is does not give the husband both blanket and transactional immunity to be so disrespectful of his wife.

Wadding wrapping paper and throwing it? That sort of behavior should be outgrown long before puberty. I have serious questions about his impulse control or lack thereof.

As for passive aggressive behavior, I have near zero tolerance.

The mean and unrelated comments are concerning. Saying you ruined the weekend is pretty obnoxious. Can you give us more examples of mean and unrelated?

I do not see this as some sort of mutual combat or bad behavior provoked by your nagging or scolding or whatever you were doing. 

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