Post # 1
My fiance’s groomsman, well call him Alex, decided to plan his wedding for 11-3-19 knowing full well that we put a deposit down on our venue over a year ago for 11-15-19
They literally decided to have their wedding 9 days before us. Which is frustrating, but upsets me because they’re now forcing our best man, christopher, in to having to choose between attending our wedding or theirs. (My fiance’s best man just so happens to be this other guys second cousin)
Do I have a right to be frustrated and upset? Any recommendations as to how to handle this? Is it worth destroying the 14 years of friendship that they have?
Edit: Yes, per christophers job he won’t be able to take both weekends off and both are destination weddings
Post # 2
- Wedding: Scotts ~ Walnut Creek
Maybe I’m missing something but how is he being forced to choose between attending weddings 9 days apart? Are they both destination, is there a lot of expense or travel involved?
You get one day, yes you’re overreacting if the sole problem here is they chose a date 9 days before yours. Again, maybe I’m missing something key here but I don’t see why this person can’t attend both.
Post # 3
I think this may be a case of “it’s a wedding day, not a wedding month/year”. You can’t control what other people do (as much as we sometimes want to). It is what it is I’m afraid – things like this can destroy relationships and 100% you will regret that.
I hope the Best Man can make it to both weddings – is there a reason why he can’t? I mean, 9 days is a pretty big gap, I mean, it’t not like it’s the day before….
Post # 4
Yes, per his job he won’t be able to take both weekends off and both are destination weddings
Post # 5
- Wedding: Scotts ~ Walnut Creek
Got it. Then unfortunately there’s not much you can do beyond accept whatever decision he makes. This is a sucky situation but that is his family member getting married and they are free to choose whatever date they want.
Having said that I think your frustration is understandable under the circumstances.
Post # 6
ladyscorpion : of course and we made it very clear no grudges will be held. We understand it’s his cousin.
Post # 7
You think pretty highly of yourself to assume their wedding date had anything to do with you. It’s not their fault your best man works on the weekends.
The best man is only a second cousin, how do you know he will even be invited to the other wedding?
Picking a date around your VIPs is already annoying enough, If I was the other bride I don’t think I would pick another date if I found out my fiancé’s second cousin was a best man a week and a half after our potential date. That just wouldn’t be a major concern.
Post # 8
Personally, I think best friend trumps second cousin, especially when the best friend’s date has been set in stone for a year.
That being said, Alex is being inconsiderate but I would take the high road.
Post # 9
I can imagine why you’d be frustrated, BUT weddings are complicated. There are a million moving pieces. I highly doubt they considered your wedding or Christopher’s role in it at ANY point during their planning/choosing a date–and it’s okay that they didn’t. My hunch is that Christopher will end up choosing your wedding since he agreed to it long before theirs (I assume?).
Post # 10
Well since both Alex and Chris were supposed to be in the wedding I’m just disappointed in the situation. In fact when Alex announced their date I two days ago, Chris approached him privately and explained the situation. Alex responded that they don’t actually have a reason for picking the 3rd, it’s an arbitrary date per Alex, nor have they signed contracts or put down deposits. However, they expect Chris to figure it out and skip our wedding if need be.
Post # 11
When you say they haven’t signed contracts, does that also include a venue? If it doesn’t, they actually don’t have a wedding date.
I’m not sure of Alex’s wedding location, but if it’s a popular destination, it may be difficult to find an available venue, even ten months out. If all works out with their date, it’ll be disappointing–I’m sure–for your fiancé, but as PPs have stated, you only get a day for your wedding. Your date is solid and Chris already agreed; I’d think he’d pick your wedding anyway, even if Alex is family. Did Chris say he was majorly conflicted? Sorry, I feel like it’s is sort of a no-brainer to stick with the wedding he’s already agreed to be in if he can’t get both dates off.
Post # 12
I understand your frustration and disappointment. It does suck. At the same time, like another bee said, I cannot imagine picking my date based on a second cousin’s best friend’s date.
Based on what you shared it seems Chris will stick with your wedding and I hope he does.
Just keep planning your day. Every thing has a way of working itself out.
Post # 13
vrounds2029 : You shouldn’t be upset his wedding is before yours, people cant plan their lives around other people’s wedding. You should be upset he’s expecting the best man to choose. A 2nd cousin isnt a close relative. A brother would be different but 2nd cousin? Barely even related. How is Christopher the best man in your wedding, is he your fiance’s best friend? I feel close friendship trump distinct relatives. Either way I wouldnt let this drag out any longer. I’d kick Alex out because hes going to be too preoccupied with wedding planning, his own selfish needs and will probably be on honeymoon during your wedding.
Post # 14
Wow Alex is an asshole. I would be super upset at him too. He had your wedding date wayy in advance but still decided to book his date making it so he has to pull out of your wedding party but also jeopardizing other people having to pull out of your wedding too. That is super rude and inconsiderate. I really hope Christopher has the sense to stay in your wedding as he already made that commitment first and should hold to his word. The least Alex can do is not try to insist in anyway that Christopher should pick his wedding instead.
Has anyone said anything to Alex? Look I get that people can have their weddings whenever. But there is a middle ground between picking a date that works for the couple and totally derailing someone else’s joy at their wedding in the process. Unless Alex showed that the date they picked was really their only option to get their dream venue or something like that, I would be super angry about his choice of date. Basic decency is if you commit to someone’s event, you don’t back out or schedule another event that conflicts with it.
Yes everyone gets one day for their wedding. But friends don’t get free passes to be assholes. There has to be some middle ground.
I just saw your update. If Alex has no reason to pick the date he did, and he is telling Christopher that he needs to ditch your wedding for his? Oh hell no. I’d expect Christopher to do the right thing and tell Alex to fuck off, and if I were you I’d have a very hard time staying friends with him after pulling this stunt. Is there any reason why Alex would deliberately mess with your wedding?
Post # 15
vrounds2029 : I would be bothered, it’s inconsiderate. There’s nothing you can do at this point though. I would try to let it go.