Am I overreacting? BF of 3 years gave me a promise ring

posted 10 months ago in Rings
Post # 16
Member
634 posts
Busy bee

Promise rings are for teenagers. Not women of 30.

Post # 17
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@Hopeless_R0mant1c:  I’d dump him just on the basis that he allowed you to think you’re engaged and even share it with your family and friends. He clearly doesn’t respect you just based on that alone. Never mind the fact that it’s been 3 years and you’re 29…just no. 

Post # 18
Member
7308 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I would dump him. He’s a coward and a liar. You deserve better.

Post # 19
Member
2056 posts
Buzzing bee

I agree with pps. It sounds like he intended to propose but got cold feet. Best case scenario, he intended it to be just a promise ring but didn’t explain it. Either way, that would be a heck no from me. Some people like promise rings, especially when young, but I never have. A promise to what…make a promise later on…maybe? I think it’s confusion in concept. And at thirty?! That’s absurd! That’s too cowardly and cheap no matter what his initial intentions. I would absolutely give that ring back and I would need to take a break from the relationship. This dude needs to make up his mind. He’s ready to commit to marriage or he needs to look for someone else to string along. And I wouldn’t argue about. I would not marry someone that I had to drag to the altar. Promise ring. Smh.

Post # 20
Member
1012 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I watched a reality show (about pool players) where a couple had been dating a while and during a romantic dinner he took out a ring box and started with the whole ‘You mean a lot to me, I love you, I was wondering…’ she starts to freak out and he opens the box and says ‘will you move in with me?’  Inside the box was a key to his house.

To me that’s just like a woman having sex with a man, making sure he knew in all ways possible that it was out of this world sex, and then when it’s done saying ‘just kidding, I was faking it’.  For the rest of the relationship he’d never know if she was faking it or not.  If imagine it would ruin their relationship. 

I can’t decide which is worse.  Doing that to his girlfriend on TV or what your boyfriend did to you by waiting until after you told people when it was obviously a proposal.  You cannot just let this go.  How do you get over something like this?  So awful.  I’m sorry Bee

Post # 21
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee

I got a promise ring. I was 16.yell

I would be pissed too- it was also exceedingly unkind for him to allow you to think that you were engaged. He needed to clarify what kind of ring it was when he gave it to you. And when his mom came over??? He went along with the conversation that you’re engaged and then backtracked?? Uncool. 

I would be most upset that he was not clear about his intent. If you are heading into a marriage you need to be able to have really hard conversations and make difficult decisions. You have to be able to trust his word.  You can’t. I’m sorry, bee but I really think I’d walk if I was you.

Post # 22
Member
657 posts
Busy bee

Awww I’m sorry bee. I hope you are able to tell him just how hurt you are. I can’t, and am in no place to tell you what to do, but I would just feel sad looking at it. Are you able to explain your hurt? It might not change anything but you deserve to be heard and have your emotional needs met and right now he really crushed you. Thats not fair. 

That is a huge disappointment and I imagine how low that pit feeling goes. So sorry bee. Hugs. 

Post # 23
Member
299 posts
Helper bee

“And what exactly is he “promising”?” That’s my question, too. What is he promising?

Post # 24
Member
295 posts
Helper bee

Whoa, the nerve on this cowardly boy. I’m just trying to get this straight in my head, can you give us details? He came to sit down next to you and said “I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” then gave you the ring. Did you say “yes, I’ll marry you,” or simply, “me too,” and that was that? I’m just confused at how there was such a huge misunderstanding. Not blaming you at all! I think he backed out at the last minute and completely freaked out. What did he say when you started calling your family? He must have been there listening. Regardless, I think it is such a cruel thing to do. The fact the allowed you to keep talking marriage and a wedding to friends and family, wow, you just do not do that. I’d find it so hard to move on from this. 

Post # 25
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2020

You told everyone you were engaged and he knew you did.

…if anything you underreacted. 

Post # 26
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2020

View original reply
@Supernurse:  lol I watched that same show… what’s worse is her ex actually did give her a true promise ring. 

I was laughing uncontrollably when I seen this, but oh god I felt so bad for her.

Post # 29
Member
344 posts
Helper bee

This guy is a huge jerk. 

Post # 30
Member
1012 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

View original reply
@Hopeless_R0mant1c:  It’s called The Hustlers.  How about you tell him about how he’d feel if you did the OMG the sex is great thing and then said just kidding?  
I think he knows exactly how you feel, it’s just not going to make him do something different. He’s not an idiot, just a coward. 

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