Am I overreacting? BF of 3 years gave me a promise ring

posted 10 months ago in Rings
Post # 76
Member
5998 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

I would make him call everyone and tell them that it’s not an “engagement ring” but a “promise ring”. Make him explain it to everyone and see the reaction he gets.

Post # 77
Member
634 posts
Busy bee

Can we see the ring? Morbid curiosity.

Post # 78
Member
9255 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@Hopeless_R0mant1c:  I just had another thought: “He put it on my finger and said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.”  So if he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, but that does NOT equal marriage, is he saying he sees you two living together as boyfriend and girlfriend for the rest of your lives? I would ask him that and watch him squirm. He’ll probably say “No, of course not, I definitely see us married!” To which you would then point out that if “I want to spend the rest of my life with you” does indeed mean he wants and plans to marry you, then how are you not engaged? That is literally the definition of engagement. If he’s like all the other duds stringing bees along, he’s going to give you a bingo card of excuses: I want to propose to you the right way. You deserve your dream ring. I want you to have a special wedding, we can’t rush that. Then when you insist that you’re fine with the ring and proposal he already gave you and you actually prefer a smaller wedding, he will move onto excuses like We should be more financially stable. I need to get a better job. And then, sadly, he’ll start turning it on you: You’re pressuring him. You need to work on [insert imaginary flaw or actual flaw that’s minor and should not be an impediment to marriage]. We argue too much, if we can go a year without arguing, then we’ll be ready. blah blah blah. I hope I’m wrong, but pin him down about what exactly “I want to spend the rest of my life with you” means, if not marriage, and see what he says.

Post # 81
Member
977 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2022

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@curiouskitten:  i might have to agree with that…. simce hes not an honest person, when you replied about loving to be his wife and like soend your life together he didnt didnt want to make the moment more “akward” as you dsaid he is. It probably pondered in his head the fee days before breakkng it to you. That sucks either way. Sooooooo what happened next? Whats the status and what was said?

Post # 82
Member
56 posts
Worker bee

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@Hopeless_R0mant1c:  first, I’m SO incredibly sorry that he’s putting you through this. That was 100% a proposal. He’s being a giant P (you know what word I want to use). If it were me, I’d be done. What he has done to you is beyond humiliating, disrespectful, and selfish. All I can say is thank God he didn’t do something like this after you guys were already married with kids. As hard as it will be, I’d cut him loose and move on. 

Post # 83
Member
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

It seems easier said then done to cut him loose.. they reside together.. and have been with one another for awhile.. however, that being said.. I don’t blame you for.being upset and mortified.. especially if he KNEW what all this would look like.. and the words he used would also reiterate the situation you were lead to believe.. returning the ring.. said out loud that what he did was more than hurtful.. and even though it was an egregious wrong.. have you given him an opportunity to give you a damn explanation..? One that is deserving of the humiliation that was brought upon You? You ready to just walk away from him? 

Post # 84
Hostess
5038 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2016

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@Hopeless_R0mant1c:  OP, how are you holding up?  Did you get any more answers from him? 

Post # 85
Member
1898 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - California

Ugh, I am so sorry, Bee. This really really stinks. It definitely sounds like he proposed, got cold feet, and tried to walk it back. I unfortunately don’t see how there is any going back from this. I hope you are doing OK. 

Post # 86
Member
217 posts
Helper bee

I’ve just told my SO about this to get a man’s perspective and he found it very weird. He didn’t buy the promise ring story. I’m sorry that you went through this. 

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