(Closed) Am I overreacting? Caught fiance with 'sexy' pictures on his cell

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Am I overreacting?
    Yes, it's not a big deal that he had those pictures on his cell : (9 votes)
    4 %
    No, you have every right to be upset/angry/sad : (195 votes)
    93 %
    Other : (5 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    911 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @Teddya:  Hun, you every right to feel what your feeling! I would also be livid, especially if they were of people we knew! On the flip side, I think this is something that can be worked through, as long as you feel he is being honest about his reaction to you and it sounds like he is!

    Post # 4
    Member
    3078 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @Teddya:  Normally I’m one who doesn’t think it’s a big deal for a spouse to look at porn or anything like that, but since you KNOW the people he is jerking it to?  That is ridiculous!  I would be really upset too!!  I don’t really have any advice for you.  I just wanted to send some *hugs* your way!!

    Post # 5
    Member
    7437 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    I think you under reacted! I don’t think he would be my fiancé after that. It’s bad enough when it’s pictures of people you don’t know, but it makes it seem more like cheating when it’s people you do know. That’s my opinion, at least.

    Post # 6
    Member
    979 posts
    Busy bee

    I wouldn’t care if it were a model or some unknown person, but people you know? that’s crossing the line. That’s asking for future trouble right there.  It starts with pictures….who knows what would happen down the line?  I’d be livid.

    Post # 7
    Member
    198 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I don’t think livid even describes how I would feel. Porn is one thing, but to have pictures of people whom both of you know is a lot more personal. I would definitely be upset. I don’t even have any advice because I don’t know what I’d do in this situation, but I wish you luck!

     

    ((hugs!!))

    Post # 8
    Member
    9675 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    I would be furious and upset too, you actually know these girls!

    Post # 9
    Member
    7 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    You have every right to be livid!!! I had the same thing happen in my relationship with my SO. He had sexy pictures of his ex girlfriend on his computer. He claims he didn’t use them for anything, rather found them and looked through them before deleting them. I still don’t believe him. I would certianly struggle with that. I will say, atleast he was 100% honest. But men are pigs sometimes. I give you credit for not ending it out of anger. I would certianly talk through it some more before just letting it go. I’m so sorry girl!

    ETA: Where did he get them!?? Was there contact to get them or just off of Facebook or something?

    Post # 10
    Member
    5956 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    You are not over-reacting if this is how you feel, and its understandable, really.  But I would give myself some time to process my feelings before I revisited this issue, because honestly, to me, this is a little odd, but nothing to worry about….I get being upset because you know these women, but to him, they are pictures on a screen, men are visual creatures and solo-lovin is a natural normal thing….maybe the magazines and other material available is something he’s not interested in, or he knows it might upset you to find it….so he thought this was a better alternative.

    The point is, his alone time is not a symptom of sexual dissatisfaction with you in any manner, but the earmark of a sexually healthy individual.

    Take some time, remember he’s just as mortified as you are, and think about what kinds of things you feel ok with him looking at in order to enjoy and have that private, personal experience that some people tend to like and need as part of their erotic selves.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1548 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I have no problem with Fiance looking at porn, but I would be LIVID if he was jerking off to photos of women I knew! I honestly think that crosses a line, however since he was honest and upfront about it, I think you can work through it. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    5271 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    Not overreacting at all. I like others don’t have an issue with porn but this is very wrong in my book. I will be sending positive thoughts your way, as I know this is something I would have a really hard time getting over. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    1306 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I would be very hurt if I found out my Darling Husband was plasuring himself to pictures of females we know. On top of that, I would be curious as to how he got the pictures on his phone in the first place. Did he download them from facebook, or did he ask for them specifically from the girls? If he was receiving pictures that he had requested from the girls, I would be beyond upset (to me, that would definitely be a deal beaker, or at least an act of dishonor that requires counseling to recover from). I honestly do not know how I would react besides a lot of yelling, then taking time to myself, and talking after thet. Good luck OP, and hugs to you!

    Post # 15
    Member
    1848 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    Keep it impersonal, dude. Not your friends!

    You’re not over reacting and trust is now broken. He needs to work with you to make sure you don’t doubt him (if you stay with him).

    Post # 16
    Member
    1866 posts
    Buzzing bee

    You are definitely NOT overreacting and I would be extremely hurt, upset, betrayed, etc as well.  I think it’s really wrong and gross that he did this; however I DO think that it’s something you guys can work through and move past.  I don’t think it would be a deal breaker for me, but I would definitely be really upset and hurt.  Sending warm wishes your way!!!  I hope you guys can work things out.

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