Post # 1
I need some help! Let me give you a little back story. This past May, FI’s grandfather passed away so Fiance went to Dominican Republic. Aparently when he was there, he hung out with one of his half brothers that was dooing all the stuff to get his visa to come to the US. Fiance told him that if he ever came to the US he would have a place to stay.
Fast forward to October. A week before my birthday his half brother starts calling him and leaving him messages. That sunday before my birthday, Fiance aparently spoke to him and found out that his brother got his visa (Mind you Fiance has 8 brothers) and took it upon himself to tell Fiance if he could stay at our house. I was not aware of ANYTHING from what happened in May to the stuff in October. Fiance told me after the fact. I was livid that he made a huge decision without telling me.
Anyway, this guy comes and is living at our house and my vent is the following:
1. He does nothing but play on the computer and sleep all day.
2. He does not contribute any money and just here eating crap basically.
3. He eats all the food and now we’re basically spending 150 on groceries a week for 3 people.
4. He does not watch the pup that we have or take him out and just leaves him in his crate all day.
5. I keep going to the kitchen and when I look for let’s say cereal, the box is empty but put back in it’s place. this has happened 5 times already.
6. Oh and aparently my pup bit the cord to my lighted garland, he just picked up the plug and put in on the entrance table. I didnt find this out until i saw it hidden behind some xmmas decoration.
7. Finally, the guest bathroom reeks of the smell of pee. It’s disgusting.
What should I do? I tell Fiance that he needs to talk to him, says he will but Fiance is not confrontational. I dont want to be rude and say something mean like “Get the heck out of my house.” but i am truly getting up to that point.
Please help. Sorry for the long rant!
Post # 3
What!! Of course you are not overreacting. I’d be livid too. Is there any sort of time limit being placed on this stay? If not, Fiance needs to tell his brother that he has X amount of time to get on his feet and get out. Indefinite houseguests are not okay, especially when you weren’t consulted.
Post # 4
Sorry you are having to go through this.
In my opinion, your Fiance needs to put his foot down and demand that his brother, at the very least goes out and gets a job and also to clean up after himself. If I was you, I would already be screaming at the brother to get out.
Post # 5
That really sucks!
Give him a timeline for when he gives out, give him an amount he has to pay for rent, tell him he can’t eat all your food, and give the man some chores to do!
If you wouldn’t put up with your fiance or your family behaving that way, don’t put up with it from fiance’s brother.
Post # 6
You have two choices. Either stay out of it or take matters into your own hands.
If you take matters into your own hands, you have to sit down and spell out exactly what you expect of him. Tell him you’ll give him a list of chores and errands every day and, in return, you will provide room and board. Tell him he has to pull his weight and if he doesn’t, he’ll get 2 weeks notice and will be out on his backside.
My guess is that your FI didn’t think his half-brothers would take him up on his offer.
Worst case scenario if you choose not to deal with this yourself … you could always pull the “by the end of the month, either he goes or I go” with your Fiance. That might get him hopping!
Post # 7
@Banditgirl: FI didnt think he would take him up on that offer. I told him serves him right for opening his mouth.
Unforturnately no timeline has been set and quite frankly, yesterday i told Fiance when I got him that either he tells his brother that he has to leave at the end of the month, or I will. I will not be toyed with and our house is not a hotel where he can free load. I’m so over this and the money we’re supposed to be saving up for the wedding is getting spent on this dork.
Post # 8
What did your Fiance say about the end of month plan? I think it’s reasonable to ask him to move out in a set amount of time – but it doesn’t sounds like the brother would be able to find a place in 2 weeks.
Post # 9
We have had my Fiance living with us since Feb. Before this she spent Christmas with us. It’s her and her two boys. She didn’t clean and she cooked and left food on the floor and the pots. I got me so mad. It was suppose to be for 4 months but it is now November. We have go into many arguments over it and things hit the fan when I told him he had to get her out. I was packing up my things and he was just sitting there. Turns out he was fed up too but never said anything because of the confrontational aspect. What worked is that I acknowledged that if we first planned out what were the things we expected of her together then we could open discussions with her together. Not that she does everything she is suppose to cause there are still things that bother me but I realise she has no other choice and he appreciates the fact that even though I would love her gone I put up with it. I don’t think you should do it yourself as he may interpret is as you picking on him. He should be on-board with it. The ultimatum puts him in a bad place as he now has to chose between you and his flesh and blood and is that the image of his future wife that you want him to have? Over all I completely understand. I hope it all works out for the best.
Post # 10
I agree with @XxsweetzxX about having the two of you coming up with a list of expectations that you as a couple expect from his brother while he stays with you, as well as a timeline before he moves out on his own. Also, have a talk with the brother together (you with your FI) to support each other in the discussion so neither one of you has the sole burden of “being the nag”. Good luck!
Post # 11
How did it work out? I’m counting down the days she has left but at least she started helping around the house.
Post # 12
Ohh he’s out. i got really upset when my dog got sick for two weeks straight from him giving him crap to eat and not watching him and he moved out beginning of december