(Closed) Am I Overreacting??? (long vent)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

What!! Of course you are not overreacting. I’d be livid too. Is there any sort of time limit being placed on this stay? If not, Fiance needs to tell his brother that he has X amount of time to get on his feet and get out. Indefinite houseguests are not okay, especially when you weren’t consulted.

Post # 4
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

Sorry you are having to go through this.

In my opinion, your Fiance needs to put his foot down and demand that his brother, at the very least goes out and gets a job and also to clean up after himself. If I was you, I would already be screaming at the brother to get out.

Post # 5
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

That really sucks!

Give him a timeline for when he gives out, give him an amount he has to pay for rent, tell him he can’t eat all your food, and give the man some chores to do!

If you wouldn’t put up with your fiance or your family behaving that way, don’t put up with it from fiance’s brother.

 

Post # 6
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

You have two choices.  Either stay out of it or take matters into your own hands. 

If you take matters into your own hands, you have to sit down and spell out exactly what you expect of him.  Tell him you’ll give him a list of chores and errands every day and, in return, you will provide room and board.  Tell him he has to pull his weight and if he doesn’t, he’ll get 2 weeks notice and will be out on his backside. 

My guess is that your FI didn’t think his half-brothers would take him up on his offer. 

Worst case scenario if you choose not to deal with this yourself … you could always pull the “by the end of the month, either he goes or I go” with your Fiance.  That might get him hopping! 

Post # 8
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

What did your Fiance say about the end of month plan?  I think it’s reasonable to ask him to move out in a set amount of time – but it doesn’t sounds like the brother would be able to find a place in 2 weeks.

Post # 9
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2011

We have had my Fiance living with us since Feb.  Before this she spent Christmas with us. It’s her and her two boys.  She didn’t clean and she cooked and left food on the floor and the pots.  I got me so mad.  It was suppose to be for 4 months but it is now November.  We have go into many arguments over it and things hit the fan when I told him he had to get her out.  I was packing up my things and he was just sitting there.   Turns out he was fed up too but never said anything because of the confrontational aspect.  What worked is that I acknowledged that if we first planned out what were the things we expected of her together then we could open discussions with her together.  Not that she does everything she is suppose to cause there are still things that bother me but I realise she has no other choice and he appreciates the fact that even though I would love her gone I put up with it.  I don’t think you should do it yourself as he may interpret is as you picking on him.  He should be on-board with it. The ultimatum puts him in a bad place as he now has to chose between you and his flesh and blood and is that the image of his future wife that you want him to have? Over all I completely understand.  I hope it all works out for the best.

Post # 10
Member
968 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree with @XxsweetzxX about having the two of you coming up with a list of expectations that you as a couple expect from his brother while he stays with you, as well as a timeline before he moves out on his own. Also, have a talk with the brother together (you with your FI) to support each other in the discussion so neither one of you has the sole burden of “being the nag”. Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2011

How did it work out? I’m counting down the days she has left but at least  she started helping around the house.

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