(Closed) Am I Overreacting? LONG!!

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

This is why I don’t text people….at all.  Negative connotation and attitude can be percieved when in fact, there might not have been any..you list all of the awful things she said, I just wonder what your replies were?  It sounds like you’ve known each other a long time, friends can get to the point where they either out-grow each other, or need to get it over with and level with the other….I don’t know if you were right or wrong, but odds are good that if you aren’t scared to loose something, you never really needed it in the first place.

Post # 4
4893 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I had a friend like that once, and you were absolutely right to do what you did. You don’t need a toxic friend like that! 

Post # 5
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

To me, it sounds like she is just really unhappy and doesnt want you to go through what she is going through but may have difficulty expressing it properly? I dont know the whole story so it’s hard to say. I can tell you for certain that these types of convos are best had in person or over the phone though because a text can be too easily misunderstood. If you think your friendship is worth saving, then I would call her and have a talk where you can actually understand the way she is trying to come across, if that makes sense.

Post # 6
717 posts
Busy bee

yikes!  she very well may be projecting her dissatisfaction with her life and marriage onto you.  when you’ve both calmed down, maybe arrange to meet with her and talk it out.  you both probably said things you didn’t mean.  see if the friendship can be salvaged.

Post # 7
3039 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

You’re not overreacting and I would end the friendship as well. Not only because it’s bad timing in respect of the wedding, but basically because she felt that she had the right to criticise the very core of you. In addition, so what if you’ve changed since you meet your FI? Most of us do, change is a healthy thing!

Post # 8
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Very true, text is not a good way to talk about things.

I think you are probably right that she is projecting onto you. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders – so I heard in all of that you could understand why she is projecting onto you. We all do that. Ever have a bad day and take it out on your FH a little bit? Then it gets a little out of control… In this case its a double whammy for her. She is having a bad time with her marriage and her dear friend is getting married and everything is very happy around her with all of that. Chances are she probably even felt a little trapped and lost it at the wrong time. Possibly even a little PMS happening. I’m certainly not saying she is right… I’m saying I can see how this could happen.

Something you should ask yourself. Before this wedding stuff came along was she a good friend? Did she listen to you? Was she there for you? Would you miss her pre-stepford comments?

If the answer to those thing is yes, tell her exactly what you said here. Stop projecting your stuff on me and let me be happy right now. This is a happy time in my life, a good friend which I know you to be would support that and celebrate with me.

Post # 10
421 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I think it’s possible you may have misinterpreted her texts, she may have been actually concerned and not bitchy, but even then I wouldn’t bring her back into my life. Personally, if I heard someone say such things about my husband (soon to be for you!) honestly couldn’t stay friends with them. He is the most important thing in my life, and for a “friend” to think so poorly of him would just hurt and I couldn’t get over it. 


Eta: i just saw the text messages you put up, and while I definitely think she was out of line, she was handling it maturely in the beginning, before she started freaking out, while you kinda went off the deep end immediately. Not that you were wrong to, per se, but it’s a Perfect example of why fighting over text messages leads to bigger problems– I don’t think either of you would have gotten as angry as you did had you called her or even met up to discuss this. 

Post # 11
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think having that conversation over text message is what destroyed this friendship.  I think that she didn’t choose her words carefully, and that you didn’t read them with the intent she meant when writing them, and then everything escalated and both of you came unglued and resorted to hurtful behavior.

I genuinely can’t gauge her intent fully, and I don’t know if your friendship is “worth” saving. I only know that I can see about 10 places where wordings could be mis-interpreted, and that both of you have very valid points.

If you have any hope to save your frienship then you need to work this out in person, and agree– before trying to work stuff out— that this whole text conversation needs to be forgotten, because you’ve both taken too many emotional triggers from it and you will never be able to work past it unless you agree to put it off-limits.

Post # 12
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I don’t think you’re overracting. What she said was hurtful and just plain mean! Although I don’t feel you should end the friendship, at least not yet. You mention she is going through a rough time in her marriage, and as you stated, she could be projecting. Give it a few days, cool down and give her a call and talk it out. Texting is not the way to go on this. If she insists on being rude and not acknowledging, just a little bit, that she was mean and hurtful then it may be time to move on. Good luck and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

EDIT:  Ok… so I just read your text msgs. I really do feel like she is projecting on to you and your relationship. But as on of the posters have said, if anyone ever said anything like your “friend” said about my Darling Husband, I would have to cut them off. 

Post # 13
717 posts
Busy bee

Honestly, she’s coming off quite condescending.  She’s assuming your bubble will be burst and she knows better than you.  She’s not offering advice and while she can express concern for you, this is not the way to do it.  

Post # 15
8882 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

WOW. She sounds very toxic and condescending. It sounds like you have a very happy life with your Fiance and your friends, you don’t need her.

She can tell you she has a right to an opinion, because she does, but a true friend wouldn’t be so hurtful. You can give an opinion without hurting someone. She is probably just jealous that you and your Fiance have a good healthy relationship and she doesn’t.

I wouldn’t respond to her messages anymore. You have other friends in your life that are there for you. Good luck!

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