- Miss sea spray
- 10 years ago
- Wedding: December 2009
My Dad remarried a woman about 3 years ago. They have been together for a total of 6 years. She had 3 daughters from her previous marriage. She was divorced and her ex passed away about 4 years ago. I do not get along with my step mother whatsoever. She is the most critical, negative, know it all person I have ever met. You can not argue with her, b/c no matter what you say, she is right and it always makes the argument worse. She is constantly diminishing me and my accomplishments, relationships, and in general. She is always criticizing everything about me. She treats me like I’m a horrible child and has caused so much stress on her marriage (I heard her say that to my Dad that once in a fight that they had). seriously I have done nothing wrong. I am an attorney and marrying an loyal, quirky but loveable guy! We are very happy. Anyway, I don’t know how much I can stress this, but she is really really condescending and negative – towards everyone, except for one daughter which I will get to. She makes rude comments about and towards my fiancé & has since we started dating. When I told my Dad and her that we got engaged, she said “cool” in a dry sarcastic tone. And she wasn’t surprised because my fiancé asked my fathers permission before he proposed! She is always right (sadly she actually says this all the time) and always has one up on the other person. For example, if you are an environmentalist, she well tell you how she is more of an environmentalist than you are (and use those words too). I HATE how she treats my father. She treats him the same way as me, for the most part. She is So controlling and constantly says he treats her like shit. From what I have observed, she says this when he disagrees with her (OMG – people have other opinions than YOU- that is so horrible haha) Plus it is totally wrong, my Dad is seriously the nicest most loyal guy ever. He would never hurt a fly and is not confrontational whatsoever (probably why they are together) . As for her daughters, I like them a lot and we get along when we are all together. However, we have never gotten close. I think its partly because of distance, but mostly because I can’t make much of an effort because of who their mother is. Also, I think that their mother doesn’t want us to be close. For example, one is pregnant right now, and she trying her hardest to make it impossible for me to go to her baby shower.
Anyway, here is what is bothering me. Yes there is more than just my relationship with her. got engaged this summer and her daughter got engaged a few months ago. As luck has it, she is getting married before me this fall. Everything was all smiles and excitement when she got engaged. This is the exact opposite of my engagement. Every time I mentioned my wedding or did some planning like visiting a reception hall, she yelled at me about it and made me feel like I was an inconvenience. (I think she was jealous that I got engaged before her daughter did). So my problem is that she wants my Dad to give her daughter away at her wedding. I am extremely upset and hurt over this. It makes me sick to my stomach thinking about it. First, he is not her father & had no part in raising her. Second, my step mother is going to make such a big deal about my Dad giving her away. She will go on and on about how excited and emotional my Dad is. She always tries to diminish me. She is constantly trying to diminish my ring! My ring is a small family stone in a new setting & I LOVE IT. Her daughters is 2 carat with platinum band. If anyone makes a comment about how pretty my ring is, she immediately tells them that her daughters is 2 carats, platinum and that he spent SO much money on it. It is SO obvious. Third, I think its because of how Step-Mom and my Dad treat her. They treat her like she is perfect. My dad clearly likes her fiancé a lot more than mine – I think he sees money. My fiancé and Dad have a fine relationship, not amazing, but its OK and respectful. Last, I always imagined my Dad walking me down the aisle…and I wanted us to experience that feeling and emotion together for the first time. Now, about 2 months later, he will be do it again with me. It wont have the same feeling and experience for him. I’m so upset. I’m not sure if I’m being selfish, and maybe I just haven’t accepted the fact that he does have other daughters now? I don’t see them as his daughters though. They got married when we were all in our 20s…its not the same as if he married her when they were 12. My mom remarried when I was 14, and I know what its like to have another step-parent influence you while growing up. I think their mother should walk her down the aisle…that is who raised her. I know my step sis does not want to hurt me, but I know she will do what her mother wants her to do.
Well Bees, Am I overreacting? Do I need to just suck it up and try to ignore the feelings of jealousy, resentment and neglect?