(Closed) Am I overreacting or justifiably upset?

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2681 posts
Sugar bee

Im so sorry!  First I cant believe that they told you they arent throwing you a shower or bachelorette party, thats terrible.  And especially if you are buying everything for them I dont think they have any reason to complain.  If someone bought my dress, shoes and jewelry for a wedding and I didnt like it, Id shut up and wear it!  Is there any bridesmaid that doesnt mind everything and has been helpful and supporting that you could talk to about how you are feeling?  Maybe she would be able to talk to the rest of the girls!  Id throw you a shower if I could! 🙂

Post # 4
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

You’re justifiably upset. That’s out of line! Do you have a sister or sympathetic bridesmaid who could send out a link to an article about bridesmaids’ duties? They’re all pretty firm that bridesmaids are supposed to be paying for their own dresses, not complaining, and throwing the traditional parties!

Post # 5
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2010

wow. i feel terrible for you. i thought the whole point of having bms was to have girls who support you through the time you’re planning your wedding. this time is supposed to be happy and exciting for you but also for anyone who really loves and supports you. i now feel even more blessed that my bridesmaids are being so supportive and excited about every aspect of the wedding planning so far. you deserve that too. you should really reevaluate how you see your wedding day going and who you see standing with you through this experience.  it sounds like you’ve already been extremely accomodating with them and they have had no regard or support for your feelings. best of luck to you!!

Post # 6
Member
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Sounds like you have a few bridesmaidzillas on your hands.  I’m sorry you’ve had no support from them especially when you’ve basically spoiled them.  Have you approached any of them and expressed your frustrations?

Post # 7
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Oh my! I’m sorry you are having such problems with your bm. I don’t think you are being selfish or overreacting. I would totally be just as upset as you because you are accomadimating them in everyway and they are still complaining!!

 

((Hugs)) I don’t have much to suggest though to fix the problem besides having a girl night out ( lke a dinner) and talk about the bm issues and phrase it so they have the option to resign if they do not like/want to be there. Your bm should be supportive and they did sign up for the paying for at least the dress and stuff when they said yes. If they are causing you so much stress, it isn’t worth it. Like I said before, they are supposed to be there to keep you from freaking out on your big day.

110! for a bridesmaid dress–where did you find it? I’m paying for the hair and make up but am asking my bm to buy the dress/shoes and get here :D. I am also planning on purchases special jewelry for them to wear though I’m planning on getting different ones that the bm would individually like because I’m up for the whole use it again because it’s a lot of money to spend kind of attitude too. And I know my sister (my MOH) reallly really really wants a strand of pearls so I’m spurging for those for my lil sister 😀

But, I really think you need to sit down and explain that the complaints are hurting you and making you upset and hurting your feelings…talk more about the weddings and what YOU EXPECT from them..than give them the option that they can resign if they do not agree with your expectations from them. I don’t think it’s fair they can’t atleast pull together a get together at someone’s house for cheap for a bacheloratte party when you are spending all this money to their outfits, shoes, jewelry, and getting ready!

Hope things get better again (HUGS)

Post # 8
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

wow…I am a slow typer…four other people posted before I could get my typed…LOL

Post # 10
Member
5399 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yikes, from the info you give us, I think you are justifiably upset.  It sounds like you have been very helpful and accomodating.  It just stinks that are some people you can never quite please.  Maybe you can all have a lunch and chat about everything and see if it helps the situation. 

Post # 11
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I am having some of the same problems – I bought the dresses for two of three bridesmaids and the necklaces, earrings and bouquets and hair clips for all three. Heck, they didn’t even decide on which dresses until a month before the wedding and the one Bridesmaid or Best Man told me she liked the dress and the started complaining to the other BMs how she hates the dress, etc. None of them have been any help to me during the wedding planning and there are certainly no showers or bachelorette parties in my future. I figure at this point, I will consider myself very fortunate if they show up to the rehearsal and the wedding. I asked these ladies who I thought were good friends to be BMs over a year ago and TODAY, a mere 11 days before the wedding the one texted me – the rehearsal is the 6th and the wedding is the 8th – is there anything happening on the 7th?  WTF – the WEDDING IS ON THE 7th!

You are NOT over-reacting. Frankly, I think a lot of women have NO idea of what is expected of a Bridesmaid or Best Man. 

Post # 12
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Oh wow, I feel so bad for you!!  My girls have been great, they all love the dress and can’t wait to wear it.  They didn’t balk at all about wearing the dress I want since they can pick out their own shoes and accessories.  I think that they may be jealous, or feel that your flashing your money around.  If I were your Bridesmaid or Best Man,  I would feel so thankful that you are paying for everything, I’m not for my girls cuz I can’t afford it.  Being a Bridesmaid or Best Man means that you make sacrifices for the bride, it doesn’t matter if you love what your wearing, your there to support the bride!!  I agree that you should get them together and talk with them to see whats really going on. 

Post # 13
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I am SO SORRY for you! I am really hoping things turn around for you. It sounds like you need a third party to let them in on how to do things.

Post # 15
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I’m so sorry you’re in such an awkward position. I can’t believe your friends are so selfish and thoughtless!

I guess the question is … if you do nothing, how much grief is their ungrateful attitude going to cause you between now and the wedding? If you say something, and feelings are hurt (because of course the people who are most insensitive about other’s feelings generally have very delicate feelings themselves), is that going to cause you more grief or less? I mean, it does kind of suck either way, but maybe if you confront the issue now it will cause less ill-feeling in the long term?

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