(Closed) Am I overreacting or justifiably upset?

posted 11 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Well, there it is. Kinda sucks to be the grown-up sometimes, doesn’t it? Well, at least you can always come here to vent about their childish behaviour. 

Seriously, you’re in a no-win situation. But at least you know you are being the bigger person, here. I wouldn’t do any more for them than you already have done … and those nice gift totes, maybe you can use those for Christmas gifts for some NICE people you know, instead.

Post # 18
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

How old are these girls? Seriously?  They are acting like immature girls.  First off I’ve never had a bride buy my dress or offer to buy shoes etc.  And even if they didn’t/did buy my dress I can’t even begin to think to complain about it.  It maybe the case of one girl being ugly and the other girls just following suit.  Try to figure out who that person is and have a talk with her.  Good luck!

Post # 19
Member
5495 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

When I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man I had to buy everything myself. If Someone bought everything for me I would wear it no matter what I thought. That’s insane! Tell them to wear it. It’s your wedding day.

Post # 20
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Shame, shame on all those girls. Are you sure they are your friends. I can understand this behavior from one girl, but most of them? Sorry you are dealing with this. Honestly, no shower or anything for you? Maybe have a heart-to-heart talk with the group. Ask them, ‘Who’s still in’? All those that aren’t, let them walk. I honestly think they will make you crazy on your wedding day and it shouldn’t be about girl drama! It’s your freakin wedding!

Post # 21
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

So sorry.  It does sound like jealousy.  Perhaps too, some of the excitement was taken out of being a Bridesmaid or Best Man when you just picked out the dress, without them going shopping and picking it out with you.  (Although, honestly, from this bunch, I’m not sure they would have wanted to be bothered.)  (Hugs.)

Post # 22
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

The fact that someone said you are “showing off that you can afford it” makes me think they are jealous too. I would just stop talking to them about it and see what happens. I have a bridesmaid who I’m sure is going to back out because she’s been rude about my wedding pretty much since i asked her. The ball is in her court. I havent said anything to her about it in weeks and she hasn’t asked so I’m just going to save myself the aggrivation. If she shows up, great. If not- screw her. I’m shocked and upset of course-but I’m not begging anyone to be in my wedding. I even bought her a dress at a sample sale and she ended up saying she didn’t like it. It was priscilla of boston! lol-it’s really cute

Post # 23
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I’m going through a similar situation, I really do feel for you.  After all of this wedding planning, I’m beginning to believe that there are some people that are just not meant to be involved in weddings.

Post # 24
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I would definitely be upset if I were you – you are going above and beyond (doing way more than I did for my girls – and I didn’t get any complaints to my face at least!). So what if they don’t like it, even if the shoes and dress and jewelry are hideous (I’m sure they’re not) it’s not like they spent their money on it or are going to look at the pictures for the rest of their lives. BRIDESMAIDSZILLAS! Tell them to get over it.

Post # 25
Member
3331 posts
Sugar bee

It’s really too bad that your gals are acting like this.  I would totally be upset if I were you.  It sounds like you’re trying to be as accomodating as possible.

If it were me, I’d want to say something to my friends.  I don’t think it has to be confrontational, you could just explain that your feelings were hurt because you felt like you were trying to make this a good experience.  They may not realize that what they’re doing is hurting your feelings and making this a negative experience for you.

Post # 26
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Smurfette, I’m so sorry. 🙁   That’s terrible and so sad. You’ve been SO generous, you would think your BM’s could reciprocate on some of the kindness. Ridiculous!

Post # 28
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Hugs!  I’m sorry you’re feeing sad!  I can’t believe they waited so long to tell you they didn’t like the gown!  I kinda think that’s rude.  I asked for input from all my BMs about their dress choices, but the decision is ultimately up to the bride.  I am wearing a HEINOUS bridesmaid gown in a wedding next year, but I wouldn’t dream of telling the bride because I know she loves it.

Post # 29
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I think its good that you spoke to the one bridesmaid and I think it’s about time you do the same with all of them and somehow either be direct or slide in how you feel. Tell them that you put them in your wedding because you felt like they are special to you. Point out that you are doing your best to make things easier to them but that you feel as if they are unsatisfied- you have to be able to speak your mind- without being nasty. Sometimes people don’t realize how ugly they sound/can become and they need someone to point out how certain things they said/did has hurt you/has made you feel. Tell them how stressed wedding planning can make you and that also dealing with complaints from the very people who are there to support, can make it worse.  If you keep it focused on that instead of calling them names and attacking, a reasonable person would come around….  key word REASONABLE.

Also, Be sure to talk to them separately and then as a group. you don’t want to be miserable through this process.

Post # 30
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee

wow what an ungreatful bunch of girls… are any of them married or engaged? or have bf s? I think they re jealous… I would just get them what you want, and if they do not want it, tell them they are more than welcome to just be guests but to let u know… if not to keep their traps shut bc its stressing you out

Post # 31
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee

they dont even want to throw you a shower? bc they feel like you have “everything” thats awful … I feel like they re ruining ur wedding, I would just ask them all to step down in a grp email and explain that they re being really pety and difficult. I would then ask three co workers (o and ask them to return the dresses to you) to step in, and then just do that I am sure that you ll have a better time. I am really sorry that this is happening to you

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