Post # 1
So I’m not mentioning what I am or anything, but I am opposite of my Fiance and his family for the most part. We’re in the US so the tensions are high for some people due to this election.
So we were at a family party the other day where everyone who was present is invited to the wedding, and Future Mother-In-Law said, during a conversation I was not a part of in a different room of the house “Oh, well, BlueBee is an opposite” and that caused a “HOW CAN YOU VOTE FOR THAT BLAH BLAH BLAH TYPE OF PERSON!” swarm of people around me. I was able to gain my composure quickly, saying that I was undecided and not sure where they heard I was voting for opposite (since I haven’t mentioned my allegiance to either person this election). And it’s not like I’ve solidified my party – I’ve voted in one election so far, and pretty much keep quite when politics come up. Maybe that’s how she can sense I’m opposite from not wanting to engage in the bashing?
Either way, I was pretty angry that she would mention something so personal to me, especially without having the story 100% right… Just makes me wonder what types of things are said behind my back.
Am I overreacting? I am not talking to her right now – I won’t let it cause a perminant rift but I just need my space for a few days and haven’t called her this week, which we ususally talk on the phone once a week. I think I deserve a small “sorry I didn’t mean to cause an uproar the other day”.
Post # 2
Have you ever described yourself as a person who believes in “opposite” party’s beliefs and candidates? If not, how would FMIL even know who you voted for or your political beliefs? So you must have told her you believe in “opposite” party.
In this age, many people feel like their political affiliation describes them well and are very public about it, so they probably don’t realize that other people are private about these things. I’m not just talking about social media or bumper stickers…I think this once taboo conversation topic is no longer seen as such a taboo. I have seen people who just met start talking about politics and what party they are a part of.
I think being private about political affiliation puts someone in the minority. So if you tell someone you believe in “opposite” party’s platform, then they’ll likely think you are an “opposite” and describe you that way to others if they are the type of people who describe themselves with their political affiliation. If they are open about their own political beliefs, they probably don’t realize that you want to keep this private.
If you don’t want people to have the ability to describe you as belonging to a certain political party, then don’t talk about politics in the first place. Or tell them what you think but add that you’re private about politics and would prefer to keep this information between the two of you.
I’m sure your Future Mother-In-Law didn’t mean anything bad and that it just slipped out, but talk to her about it because it seems like this bothers you.
Post # 3
bluebee19 : It’s too late, but I just think politics shouldn’t be discussed in certain circles. Especially this particular election. I’m so proud of my department, no one has brought it up once!
I don’t think she should’ve brought your name up. If you want to discuss it, you will. We were recently with family and they were going off on one of the candidates (my candidate) and I just listened. They are obviously dead set in their beliefs so they just bantered back and forth.
Post # 4
Have you talked with her about how you feel? Some people are very private about their choice of candidates. That’s why voting booths are private, so that no one would ever know how someone votes unless he or she would decide to tell others. However, most people these days seem willing to shout from the rooftops (or via yard signs, bumper stickers, buttons, Twitter or FB) how they feel about particular canditates and issues. Your Mother-In-Law sounds like the latter type of person, and she may not understand your desire for privacy regarding your stance on issues and candidates. You may need to explain this to her and make a specific request of her that she refrain in the future from making any presumptions about your views on political issues. You may not receive the apology you’re hoping for unless you make clear to her how you feel about this.
Post # 5
franklymydearidont : Maybe in the time I have known her I have said my stance on gay marriage and abortion, but if that then ultimately ties me to the group that also has my beliefs, that is much too black and white for my thinking. That is a very true observation – that people think that you will align completely with one side. We’re going to mention to her this weekend that I would prefer if my “opinions” (clearly stated, or assumed) were not shared on my behalf.
RedHeadKel : I wholeheartedly agree that politics should not be brought up in those situations. My family tends to do that as well, and I stay away from those conversations, like I was here by hanging out in the other room.
Brielle : Yes, I am very careful to not like a post on facebook about a candidate or stance, or post my own things, or bring up politics. We are going to talk with her this weekend if we see her how that wasn’t okay to do, and to please refrain from mentioning someone’s opinion about anything, since it is not her story to tell.
Post # 6
bluebee19 : Ugh. My family is just like this (I’m opposite of them) so I know what you mean. I would try not to talk about it around them (usually I just say “I don’t really like to talk about politics” and attempt to change the subject). Fiance is even more opposite my family than I am and he just smiles and nods when they get into it. If you and your Fiance handle political disagreement well, then I don’t see anything wrong with it, but his family will likely always be this way. My family always says they don’t like talking about politics, but it comes up CONSTANTLY and they can be very aggressive about their beliefs. I mostly don’t bother discussing it with them because I know I’ll never change their minds and it’s not worth the grief of being “opposite” even though they know where I stand.
Post # 7
missinthecity : We’re (FI and I) very respectful of what each other has to say, that’s why I can’t say 100% I would stay aligned with my party. We make sure to have our open conversations and they don’t get heated. But this just made me feel like she put me out there on purpose a bit. Why would you tell everyone “oh this person is different!” when you know what the group is like!?! lol Not a good plan!
Post # 8
My parents are opposite of my siblings & myself. In- laws are on my side of things but take it too far. I’m just not commenting too much. Would never post anything on social media (that’s for people who don’t have careers. Lol)
This election is difficult. I’ve voted in the last 5 presidential elections & have never experienced this much tension.
Post # 9
Im sorry that happenned to you. It never feels good to be ganged up on.
I would take some space like you intend to and then have a light hearted conversation with her about how you dont want people knowing who you’re voting for and that you felt like everyone was hounding you the other day and it sucked.
From what it sounds like, you two have an otherwise good relationship and i think she will understand.
Post # 10
bluebee19 : politics and family can get ugly.
i do, however, question how anyone could vote for Trump, so I would totally ask if a person was very open about supporting him.
Post # 11
bluebee19 : That would annoy the shit out of me too. I also don’t agree with my inlaws on a lot of political stuff but we really avoid the topic haha.
I would just give some time and bring it up to her saying hey i felt ganged up on and would appreciate it if you left me out of any political conversations. Hopefully she has enough respect for you to leave it at that.
Post # 12
I am in a similar situation, but the only people that know my views are my husband, his brother and his brother’s fiance. The rest of the family are clueless. I just keep my mouth shut during politics discussion. I just know that I can’t change their minds, and I am just FUMING inside when they talk about how horrible one candidate is, and I don’t think either candidate is great. Technically, I’m leaning to 3rd party voting, but my husband doesn’t even know that. I’ll get a whole nother lecture about how wasteful a 3rd party vote is.
This has definitely been the most intense election year. It’s unfortunate that some people ARE cutting ties with family and friends based on who they support this year.
Post # 13
bluebee19 : Yeah, honestly that would bother me too if I was called out when I was just trying to mind my own business. Is she usually malicious toward you?
Post # 14
missinthecity : Not ususally. She at least never does it on purpose, and is more of a case where she just doesn’t think and needs to learn those boundaries. I wasn’t even aware a conversation like this was going on until there was a group from the kitchen running up to me saying ‘HOW CAN YOU VOTE LIKE THIS’. I was pretty stunned.
Post # 15
Boxerlover24 : I never talk politics with her, that’s why I was confused. Maybe because of that she thought I sided differently? Or like I’ve said before, I’ve mentioned in passing my stance on same-sex marriage if it was like “oh, did you hear so and so is getting married?” and I would give a response that felt like it was sided.