Post # 1
We got married on Aug 11 and it was a beautiful wedding.. except for the following:
1. husband’s sister was dressed in a black dress (not festive at all) and she had gothic make up on.. it really looked like she was going to a funeral. she usually never wears makeup.
2. husband’s brother in law (husband of the same sister above) wore a white suit!! even my fiance didn’t wear a white suit.. we are all asian and the sister-in-law’s husband is american.. even all of our guests were shocked that the only american relative wore white! it was really embarrassing to hear it from my coworkers when i returned to work after the honeymoon.
3. husband’s mother wanted the kids to be involved with the wedding.. so we asked husband’s sister’s son (4 yrs old) to be one of the ring bearer. Since he’s the closest to the family we had him carry the pillow with the rings and had the other boy just walk down. and the sister dressed the boy in blue sandals with the black suit! all the other kids 7 yr old boy and 1.5 yr old girl were in their formal wear with formal shoes.
4. husband’s siter has another son (2 yrs old) was not part of the wedding but was dressed in a tshirt (that connects as pants) and it was old, white, and stained… i know the kids have a lot of clothing, when we visit them she always ask us to pick up (and pay for) children’s clothing she finds on craigslist. and at all other occasions the kids have always been dressed nicely, including the rehearsal dinner..
just got the CD of photos from my photographer today… looking at the photos of the ring bearer.. and family photos really makes me sad and upset.. it was our special day.. i don’t understand why they did what they did.
am i overreacting? i’m having a hard time just letting it all go. any advice?
Post # 3
I think these are pretty small issus. They were there, they didn’t cause a big scene or dress up in costumes. As far as the kids clothes go, who knows what happens that day, it taes about 3 seconds before my kids have a nice outfit dirty-usually on days when you don’t have time to change.
If their clothing was the worst part about your day, I would consider it a huge success.
Post # 4
I think you’re overreacting quite a bit. While a white suit on a guy or a goth look on a girl might not be your tastes, there’s nothing at all inappropriate about them. And no one cares what shoes a 4-year-old wears, or if a toddler is in a T-shirt.
I’ve heard of women freaking out over another woman wearing white, but never ever heard it being taboo for a man. There is no way that a man in a white suit detracted one iota from the bride. I think your co-workers are pulling your leg.
Post # 5
I think everything added up for me.. I just think in general their behavior is really rude. ..
For example for our housewarming (we bought a house together last yr) and invited my husband’s entire family over and the sister came and brought 2 loads of dirty laundry! then this year when they visited for my bridal shower they put the baby’s dirty diapers on my kitchen counter and left it there the entire afternoon! we had to clean it after they left..
So maybe it’s not what they did at the wedding that frustrated me but everything added together…
Post # 6
In Short, yes I think you’re overreacting.
Post # 7
Then you need to address their overall behavior and not nit-pick these tiny fashion details. You want them to respect you more, but by whining about a toddler in a t-shirt it makes you sound petty and actually works against you getting them to respect you.
Post # 8
I think you are way overreacting. It really doesn’t matter what people wore to your wedding – what matters is that they were there. Not dressing to your standards shouldn’t taint your wedding.
And honestly, none of these seem like a big deal. Lots of people wear black to weddings so I don’t see why it’s a problem if your SIL did. As far as her make-up, is her normal style Goth? Maybe she just likes that style. I also didn’t realize white suits were also off limits… As far as the children’s attire goes, it sounds like it was a fluke. Maybe the mom had them dressed all nice but the kids got dirty just moments before the wedding and there was no time to change or she didn’t bring extra clothes. Or maybe the older one was throwing a fit about fancy shoes and instead of risking a temper tantrum and possibly him refusing to walk down the aisle she gave in and let him wear his blue sandals. Who knows.
You really need to let this go though. Just remember that the important part was that they came. And I’m sure, in the future, you’ll look back and chuckle at little Jimmy’s cute blue sandals
Post # 9
None of these are serious offenses or any offense if you ask me. Lots of people wear black to weddings. Your SIL may not wear makeup normally, but the makeup you wore may be her way of dressing up.
A kid is a kid. They may not have wanted (which I get) to spend money on nice shoes or maybe he insisted on those shoes and shirt. So be it.
Post # 10
It’s just one of those things that we have no control of….I too just received my photos and many had one of my guests two daughters in the background…arrghh. Wish photographer noticed that, wish my guests watched her kids. Also we had one of our guests wear a white blazer, my husband didnt’ wear white, almost looked like he was the groom instead of guest. Oh well, we can’t control everything, I wouldn’t worry about it. It happens to all of us.
Post # 11
@moonprincesscl: “I think everything added up for me.. I just think in general their behavior is really rude.” AGREED!
@moonprincesscl: I myself like everything to match and look nice. So in that aspect, I understand completely.
Post # 12
I agree you are overreacting a bit it’s not worth bad feelings with your inlaws
Post # 13
I think your fine, i dont think your over reactin, i would be pretty pissed if the ring berror was wearing flip flops she could have put him in black sneakers if he had a thing whit wearing shoes ( i worked at a daycare and one child hated shoes ) Im rite there with you why cant anyone where nice things to a wedding! why the hell did he where white!?, cant say much for the goth chick from reading that im not sure if thats maybe her normal style if it is you cant get mad at that – its who she is but if not…then yeah they both wore something odd to your wedding. – im on the fence with mine my future Mother-In-Law wants to wear a mini dress shes in her late 50’s and im trying to take her dress shopping so she desent pick out something she should wear to a night club – i dont want her to look old and frumpy just dont look like a slut at our wedding! i know exactly where your coming from
Post # 14
I think you’re being ridiculous about 1 and 2. I can see the frustration about 3 and 4 intially – as in the day of your wedding. However, it’s been months, you’re way overreacting to be upset about it this far after the fact. What’s teh point? It’s over and done with, nothing you can do now. Time to move on hunny.