Post # 1
I really need advice on something. So my cousin (first cousin) with one divorce and one engagement that didn’t quite made it to the altar is once again engaged (within the last two weeks with a guy whom she has known for years BUT only started dating this year (Jan?)). I have been engaged since December 1, 2008 and told everyone my wedding will be in the summer (August 2, 2009). Anyways, she just messaged me last night saying that she decided to have her wedding July 26, 2009 (exactly ONE week prior to mine). This is my first wedding and I have been with my fiance for over 4 years! I emailed her a letter displaying my discontent but I do not know what else to do 🙁 Any advice will help. Thanks!!!!
Post # 3
Wow. Well, at least the odds are good of her not making it to the altar, right? 😉
Will the wedding be in the same town as yours, or is it going to cut into peoples’ ability to travel to both? How many family members do you share between you, and do you care if people she’s closer to (like her immediately family) don’t come to yours? Do you share a bunch of friends, or is it really just family and, if so, does that make it a little more tolerable?
You’ve also got the advantage of having gotten engaged and scheduled your wedding first. When most people hear her date, their reaction is going to be, "But that’s one week before doedoe’s wedding. Why did you do that?"
There’s not really anything you can do to get her to change her mind (I don’t think — not exactly sure what you emailed to her), so I’d just roll with it as best you can. Let us know what she says in response to you.
Post # 4
The wedding will be in the same town as mine, we have exactly 16 family members locally with about another 11 from out of town. Luckily, we do NOT share the same friends 🙂 I will post her response when she replies. Thanks!
Post # 5
That is irritating, to say the least, but… you can’t control her wedding date any more than anyone else’s.
I guess just be the "bigger person" and do things as if you didn’t even know about her wedding. i’m sure family members from out of town will try to make it to both, or if they have to choose, my guess is that they’d go to your first over her 2.5 🙂
Take a deep breath…
And share her response with us!
Post # 6
Make sure you get your save the date cards and invitations out before hers. Then you will be on their appointment calendars first and so any people who aren’t able to come to both will probably end up skipping hers. Also, your family will probably also make an extra effort to get to your wedding regardless because it is your first versus her almost-third.
Post # 7
I agree about getting the save the dates and invitations out before hers. I think you can also reason with her, especially if she is selfish. Tell her that its going to be harder for everyone to buy gifts, come to showers and parties, and travel to both weddings if they are so close. Let her know that everyone is already planning on coming to yours so she might want to space it out a month before or after so everyone can get there cash flow back up. She can’t be but so far in the planning process but please keep us updated.
Post # 8
I agree that it sucks, but I agree mostly with kenziegirl. You cannot control her date, and you should just plan as you have been. You only get a day, not a week, not a month, not a season. She has every right to choose whichever day she pleases, however rude it may be for her to choose the one right before yours. So unfortunately, your best bet is to suck it up and move on with your planning and don’t let her bug you.
Post # 9
I think it is good that you expressed how you feel about the date she chose right away (something I have a very hard time doing!). This way, if anything comes up in the future, you can say that you had warned her. I don’t mean in the "I told you so" way, but in a way that says you wish it wasn’t like that, but it was her choice to plan her wedding a week before yours!
And I agree with the other posts, if people have to choose which wedding to go to, it will most likely be yours!
Keep us posted!
Post # 10
yes, you are overreacting. it’s your wedding DAY, not your wedding SEASON.
Post # 11
This is definitely a tough situation and I can understand how you feel (two of my friends that were engaged after us chose the same date; luckily we do not have many mutual friends). I’m sorry that this happened to you, but there is not much you can do; focusing on the issue will just rob you of your own joy! Your best bet is just to be happy for her and to plan as you were. Since you will all be family soon, you do not want this to cause tension in your relationship in the future.
Post # 12
I would have to say that you are overreacting a little bit. I had my wedding on the calendar two years and then one of my best friends chose to put his the weekend before ours. Was I bit upset? Yeah… but I figured that most of the people that were coming to each of our respective weddings wouldn’t be going to the other persons. Yes, there were some guests that overlapped, but I knew that the ones that I REALLY wanted at mine would be there, regardless of what else was going on the day before, let alone the week before.
If the people truly mean a lot to you, and I assume you mean a lot to them, they will be there. Being nasty about the whole thing (and I’m not saying that you are) won’t help the situation, so take the high road, shrug it off, and keep planning!
Post # 13
I am in your EXACT shoes. I was engaged 7/07 and set a date of 4/26/09. My frist cousin who I grew up blocks from had a baby, then got engaged, then set a date all within the last 6 months (she set her date not even a month ago). Her date is 4/12/09- 2 wks difference. I live out of state and I think her wedding will stop some of my family from being able to make it to mine, but it wont stop my closest friends and immediate family which is most important. I initially told her to pick whatever day she wanted and I truly meant it. My wedding is on the beach and hers is in a church – they will not be alike- so just focus on making your wedding unique to YOU. This will hopefully* be our only marriage and no one should have to choose their day based off of someone else. At the end of the day I will not be there when they celebrate their anniversary and she wont be with me. (But I am sending my STDs out ASAP!) ;o)