Post # 1
Bees, I’m worried that I’ve pushed my SO to propose to me and I’m not happy now because I’m not engaged, and will I be happy if e does propose, but I made him? Typically my SO is not someone who does what he doesnt want to do. He is VERY secure in himself and has no problem being alone if he feels thats whats best for him. In the beginning of the summer he said “sometime before labor day.” Labor day is 17 days away and he is JUST NOW looking a lot at rings online (I did TONS of research and have given him a list of stone/setting options well within a decent price range) I did this because I was worried he would pick something I dont like (just last night he begged me to trust him, and then asked me if I like this one ring and of course, it varied slightly from what I picked out and I said it was very nice and beautiful but I really want x”…he didnt complain when I told him exactly what I wanted from him last valentine’s day, now he chooses to experiment?) But now I feel like all my “helpful research” is just making him. I’m worried that although he gave me the whole summer, he is taking to the very last moment to do this. I feel like he just doesnt want to…even though he says he does and even though I dont think he would if he really didnt want to.
Doesnt help that we confirmed today his ex wife is pregnant….I’m happy for her but like, shes remarried, shes having a baby, she’s moved on. Why isnt my man?
Post # 3
I’m getting a big sense of anxiety from your post. You don’t sound very happy, and it might be a good idea to just take a breath. (Easier said than done, I know!) Why don’t you just try to enjoy each other until Labor Day and then take it from there?
I don’t know you or him so I couldn’t say if you’re pressuring him or not, but you sound a lot like a friend of mine right before she got engaged. She was so stressed and uptight about if he would propose, then if he would have the right ring, etc., that she didn’t really seem to enjoy the experience. Maybe try to have a little faith in your man and give him the chance to surprise you. Just breathe!
If Labor Day comes with no proposal, then sit him down for a calm chat about what the future might look like. Good luck 🙂
Post # 4
@1stRosie: You sound a bit insecure. I’d just be quiet on the ring/engagement thing until Labor day and see what happens.
Doesn’t sound like he’s the type of guy to let himself be bullied into something.
He’s been married before so I would think he’d have learned not to rush into anything so I wouldn’t worry.
If I were a guy I probably wouldn’t start ring research until I was ready to ask, either. I know us girls do it WAAAAY before any proposal, but the fact he is doing research shows he cares and wants to make you happy.
Yeah it’s a bit of a bummer that he won’t let you pick the ring entirely, but I guess he’s more traditional? At least he’s proposing right? You might end up LOVING the ring he picks, and at least you know it won’t be far from what you want.
Post # 5
If he didn’t/ doesn’t want to propose then he wont. You said it your self. He doesn’t do things he doesn’t want to. I also don’t think you should be picking/ changing the ring he shows you. I think that will hurt his feelings. Maybe he’s the type of guy who wants to pick it all on his own. And so what if he waits until the day before labor day or the day of. Atleast he is keeping his word, right? I can’t be mad at my SO if he told me this summer and waits untill the first day of fall. It doesn’t mean he loves me any less. You know what I mean?
Post # 6
You seem frustrated, but I think the fact that he starting looking on his own is a good sign. We are pretty similar- i gave my SO a BINDER of research. I know it’s rough, like really rough, but some guys want to do this on their own. Plus, he’s done this before so I think you should do your best to trust him. Maybe you will LOVE the ring, and if you dont, then let us bees know and we will help you out! Labor day is right around the corner!! I’m excited for you!!
Post # 7
My mom always said you can’t MAKE a man do anything.
If he doesn’t want to do this, he will find some excuse not to. Not to put too fine a point on it, but this board has plenty of ladies whose SOs blew right through their agreed-upon deadlines without ever stepping foot into a jewelry store. Unless your man is typically weak-willed and tends to need you to lead him around through life (not judging–this works fine for some people…) then chances are he’s on the same page as you. I wouldn’t say much about it, so that he has the space to do things on his own terms, but as long as you know for sure it’s coming, I’d say stop beating yourself up. You should be happy right now!
Post # 8
Thanks all so much for your helpful words. I think I was just having a supper crappy day. I tried my best to be my own person and take some space to clear my head….I walked home from work (a 4 mile walk!) and then took our dogs out for a long walk. SO knew something was up and asked me if anything was wrong and I said no, I just needed some time to myself and thought the dogs would like a good long stroll.
Today, he is off from work and texted me “whats your fav ring site again?” 🙂 🙂 🙂
Post # 9
[comment removed for trolling/personal attack]
Post # 10
@1stRosie: You sound JUST Like me!!! I am very frustrated with the SO right now because his PROMISED date is approaching quickly and he is telling me he has so much going on and finances are tight. You are to be commended for keeping quiet. I on the other hand have had several crying spells and blowups with him. At this point, I’d be surprised if he proposes because I’ve made him very edgy and stressed out! So good for you for being patient. I am the most impatient person in the world. Although I am going to have to plan a wedding in 3 months because we already picked our small, family sized destination wedding day as March 29 for now and that is partly why I am impatient. I want to have the ring before I go booking photographer, florist, cake etc.
Post # 11
From a guy, can I offer an opinion?
Let him pick the ring.
Don’t get mad if it’s not the one you picked out; instead look at what he chose for you and think about why he chose it.
If he picked it, there’s a reason. Something about it spoke to him.
When he offers it to you, saying “I don’t like that ring, try again,” is rejecting not only his proposal, but also telling him that despite his effort to find something HE thinks suits you, YOU don’t think it suits you – without even giving it a chance.
Don’t bias yourself against his choice before he even makes it.
He asked for your trust. He deserves it. And even if the ring you get isn’t the one you decided was scientifically designed to adorn your finger, it’s one HE picked for you.
You OUGHT to love it – regardless – just for that.
Post # 12
@EffieTrinket: My mom says the same exact thing!!!
Post # 13
- Wedding: July 2013 - rolling hills of southern italy
i looked at so many rings before my fiance proposed.
i even left some open on his computer. i made comments on what i liked in a non pushy way. . . i showed them to his mom. . .
then he proposed. without a ring.
without. a. ring.
and guess what? when i think about that moment it makes me smile the biggest smile, and i think about how much i love him. he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. since when is a proposal about a ring?
of course then i flipped out for days about not having a ring and dragged him all over looking at rings. . . until he cried: enough!
but then on a whim at the mall with my younger sister we ended up buying a cz ring at something silver that cost nothing and i thought of as a place holder.
i dont anymore. it is nothing like the rings i looked at. its not expensive or big and flashy. i love it so so much. i absolutely love my ring.
so, from someone who had everything go “wrong” . . . try to wipe the smile from my face. stop worrying. you’re marrying the man of your dreams.
Post # 14
@1stRosie: It sounds like your relying on the proposal to make you “happy” are you happy with him as a person? Does the thought of marrying “him” anywhere even a courthouse bring a smile to your face? Ask yourself those questions. Anxiety can be so hard and being that I have been divorced and so has my SO I see things very differently now. Perhaps your SO is more cautious as a result or wants all the things out of the engagement and marriage he didnt have the first time. I wish you the best and good luck.
Post # 15
@1stRosie: Oh God!!! The best advice I can give you for this guy is BACK OFF!, You sound like one of those desperate women with no life. Stop hurrying things! The fact he picked out a ring which he find special, and then you shot it down was ridiculous. The ring is a symbol of your love, not a showpiece. I would suggest you back off, dont mention it again, and let things take a natural course.
Post # 16
i agree completely,do not say another word to him,he will propose when he is ready,to make him feel he needs to(from the way you are acting)it will not be genuine,you will always feel it to,so will he.
you should tell him your sorry for seeming pushy,tell him to take his time and only propose when he is ready,and you are completely ok with that.
then really be ok with it♥