(Closed) Am I reacting too harshly

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Am I being too hars?
    Yes, they probably didn't realize they weren't given a guest : (38 votes)
    60 %
    No, everyone knows that if it doesn't say "and guest" you don't get to bring one : (25 votes)
    40 %
  • Post # 3
    10366 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    A lot of people who have not gotten married don’t really know that they can’t bring dates if the invite doesn’t say “and guest”. I’d try telling them very nicely first that they can’t bring anyone. No need to go out guns blazing…I know you’re upset (I was too when this happened to me!) but some people are just really ignorant of the “rules”, while we live in Wedding Land and know all of them by heart!

    Post # 4
    1245 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Um, yes and no. How many guest did they invite? If it’s the wedding is still a ways off then go ahead and tell them you want it to be an intimate affair with the family and friends YOU invited.

    Post # 6
    5110 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 2011

    Yes your reaction I can understand but what you have to understand is unless someone has planned a wedding, a lot of people dont know wedding etiquette. But It is technically proper to give every guest a plus one, but if you arent then the guidelines for everyone should be the same like you can bring a plus one if you are married or engaged… or live together… Something like that. But it needs to be alike all across the board. They probably honeslty didnt realize that its rude!!

    Post # 7
    878 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I think just adding axtra guests without at least asking first is pretty rude.  But some people I think are unaware that it is.  And probably don’t give wedding budgets and venue capacities a second thought.

    I wouild also be pretty pissed off as well.

    Post # 8
    3267 posts
    Sugar bee

    While they obviously shouldn’t have invited anyone to your wedding, your reaction seems out of proportion. Calmly call them up and let them know there has been a misunderstanding, that you cannot extend an invitation to their guests. Assuming of course that these are no live in BFs, fiances, or husbands

    This is not just wedding etiquette but just life etiquette.

    Post # 9
    321 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    i put ___ of  ___ of people invited and I still had a guy friend who does not have a girlfriend RSVP back online with 2 accepts, And he even put “TBD” for the second guest!!!! wtf? hahah

    I think some people just dont bother reading or maybe think that they can kind of trick or convince you into giving them a plus one by pretending to have misread their RSVP card…Not sure!!

    Post # 10
    10589 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    @norab2684:  Inviting someone and not their spouse is rude.  This may have been your cousin’s way of dealing with that, or she may have assumed he was invited because she figured you weren’t so rude as to not invite him.

    Or am I misunderstanding something from your post?  Was it spouses or fiance(e)s that they brought?  Or just guests that they are casually dating?

    Post # 11
    285 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I would never assume that a married person was invited alone and not with a spouse. That is not polite or proper. I’m sure she thought that he was invited. Her brother, idk…

    Post # 13
    1144 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    Call them up and let them know that they must have misunderstood, they nbring a guest and hope they can still come.

    @norab2684: Dang.
    Sometimes its hard to understand people in writting…

    Post # 14
    2053 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @norab2684: Call them and say you wish you could have their dates included, but your venue and budget can only accommodate them, not their dates. So as the invitation shows, only they are invited. If they understand, great. If they freak out and say, “Well I’m just not coming then!” say you and your Fiance will miss them and hang up.

    Post # 15
    4887 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @norab2684:  Woah woah woah, calm down sister!  It’s going to be okay, just call them and politely explain that you’re sorry, but you cannot accomodate their plus ones.  It’s not that big of a deal!!

    Post # 16
    767 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    To be honest… I don’t get the don’t bring a guest thing.  We are ALSO paying for the entire wedding by ourselves (as I think most people do now), and when we calculated our guest list we alloted for everyone bringing a guest.  If you don’t put and guest on your invitations, most people won’t know what that means.  I think most people assume they can bring guests (I know I do).  I don’t think you should be angry, and is having 2 extra guests really going to break the bank? I mean the amount you have to pay will still be offset by whatever gifts you get.

    I see your point of the people they are bringing (not long term relationships), but I went to a wedding with someone I was dating for just 3 months, and the bride and groom were really nice and said how they were so happy I could come.  You have to think of it not as I am paying for someone I don’t care about, its someone the person YOU care about cares about and wants to bring as company.  The easiest way to make a guest have a bad time is not have them have someone there to have a good time with.  IMO anyway.

    Also, if you feel that poorly about your cousins.  Why invite them at all?  When we made a list I countred everyone as 2 and if I didn’t like them enough to want to pay fro 2 people I just didn’t invite them. 

    The topic ‘Am I reacting too harshly’ is closed to new replies.

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