(Closed) Am I reacting too harshly

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Am I being too hars?

    Yes, they probably didn't realize they weren't given a guest

    No, everyone knows that if it doesn't say "and guest" you don't get to bring one

  • Post # 17
    Member
    6891 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

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    @norab2684: “Was married” could mean…she HAD a wedding. You did not specifically say “She is now divorced.” I think you should probably take a step back and calm down for a minute if this is upsetting you so badly.

    No, it’s not nice of them to do this. But it’s also not necessarily nice to freak out on someone who possibly misunderstood. Most of the time, people ARE given plus ones. Forgive them for assuming and correct the situation instead of spending your entire day freaking out.

    Post # 18
    Member
    10635 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

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    @AmeliaBedelia: “Was married” could mean…she HAD a wedding.

    That’s how I took it.

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    @norab2684:  That’s why I added the second part to my PP.

    Some families just have their own way of doing things, unfortunately.  How did your cousin handle guests for their wedding?  It’s up to you now whether you or someone else calls them up and politely explains that the guests were not invited and you’re limited on the number of people who can attend; or just allow the 2 extra guests at the wedding.

    Post # 19
    Member
    132 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I really don’t think you need to have guest for everyone if you are having a small intimate wedding.

    If you are having a large wedding (60+ people) then a few ‘plus ones’ you are not close to is not a big deal. (for the record my wedding falls into this category).

    But if I was having a small wedding where I knew everyong attending well and someone said they wouldn’t have a good time unless they could bring a guest I’d be annoyred. Its up to the bride and groom who and how many. If you truely cared for the couple then you’d respect thier wishes / budget / choices.

    Post # 20
    Member
    19 posts
    Newbee

    If you are having a wedding with 50 or more people I would be very offended if I didn’t get a plus 1, especially if I didn’t live in the immediate area and had to get a hotel room.  I don’t think I would go if I couldn’t bring anyone with me.  Just saying. 🙂

    Post # 22
    Member
    2247 posts
    Buzzing bee

    People’s idea of what is acceptable at weddings just depends on their wedding knowledge/family etiquette practices/customs.  You say that one of your cousins planned a wedding before, but what kind of wedding was it?  Was it formal or informal, catered or not? She may not realize that what she’s doing is wrong because maybe she allowed it at hers. I know that relatives of mine who have gotten married in the past have invited everyone and their brother, just because they feel like that is what you should have to do. One time, my second cousin was marrying in NY and we went up to the wedding.  It was me, my father, his gf, my aunt, uncle, their three sons, aunt’s sister (who’d never met my second cousin), her son, and my dad’s random bum friend.  Luckily, the bride and groom had ordered plenty of catering!  They were more than thrilled to have us there, though.

    I, on the other hand, am freaking out because I do NOT want this to happen at my wedding.  I cannot afford it.  My step-cousin is getting married in September, and because our family has a history of just leaving invitations open to the whole world, she just got an RSVP back for “6” people, when she’d only intended on inviting two people from that household!  I know I am going to have to blantantly include on the invites that +1s will be turned away at the door.

    Post # 24
    Member
    773 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: City, State

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    @Laurarocks501:Yeah that’s the reason I didn’t go to one of my best friend’s wedding.  It was in FL (we both live in Boston) and she wasn’t letting me bring a plus 1.  My thought was I’m spending more on flying there and a hotel than you would spend for my guest.  With that, I’m not coming.  One of the reasons why I’m pretty firm on allowing people to bring people.   I was pretty offended.

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