(Closed) Am I reading into this wrong?

posted 9 years ago in LGBTQ
Post # 17
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

The reason it’s important to ask is that if the baker is an asshole and has a problem with gay people, he/she might purposefully mess things up for the brides or grooms on their day.  It’s acceptable to be homophobic.  It’s NOT acceptable to be racist, and you can get in legal trouble for discriminating based on race.  However, anti-gay is a-okay!  (that should be Romney/Ryan’s new slogan).  

Post # 18
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Where is her reply? 

If she hasn’t responded yet, don’t assume immediately that it’s because she’s gay. You’re emailing her about a wedding that is 9 months away during the wedding high season. September and May have a HUGE number of weddings and most of the work a bakery does is the week of a wedding. This is also labor day weekend- again, a huge wedding weekend. Unless you sent a separate email Subject: Gay Friendly Baker?, I’m guessing that she saw a reply in a convo with a bride who is 9 months out from a wedding and decided to deal with it later. Give her a week or two before writing her off (unless you find a more competitive price).

Post # 19
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Well I agree. If that’s what you’re asking – because she hasn’t replied yet – she’s probably just busy. My florist took 9 days to reply to an email about centerpieces because she’d been away.

Post # 20
Member
2873 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

so is the issue she hasnt replied yet?

she might have gone out or had things to do. honestly im quite impressed you got that many emails in one day, makes me think my vendors are a bit rubbish!

Post # 21
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@engNkhd:  We are date twins! Yay!! Congrats on your upcoming wedding.  Yes, if she hasn’t responded yet, I wouldn’t assume too much yet – it is a very busy time of year for cake makers right now! She may not have seen it.  She may also be a little thrown by your comment – people aren’t generally asked a question like that so bluntly.  But, I would simply follow up with a phone call next week if you still haven’t heard anything, asking if everything was alright. If she is still unresponsive or seems strange/avoidant, i would just move on and find another cake maker. You wouldn’t want something like that to ruin your beautiful day!

Good luck, and happy wedding!

@nativedesires – you’re getting married on my 30th birthday!! I can tell you it’s going to be a good luck day for sure, hahah! 

Post # 23
Member
9048 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m sorry you’re hurt, but I didnt read anybody attacking you.  I honestly think that people were just giving you their opinion and putting themselves in the place of what the baker may have been thinking. 

Honestly, as a person who has nothing against anybody with any sexual orientation I would be pretty taken aback by being asked bluntly if I was against gay marriage and would be re-reading our correspondence like crazy to try to figure out what it was about our correspondence that gave you the impression I was a homophobe and thinking very carefully about my next response. That’s possibly why she hasn’t written you back promptly?

Post # 24
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think the reason that there were a lot of questions was because you were not clear with your post and people were/are confused.  Saying “I was emailing a baker and she stopped responding after I told her that we were a same sex couple.  She usually replied within X amount of time and it’s been Y amount of time.  I’m not sure if the lack of response was because of the homosexual thing or for some other reason–here is our email transcript”

That would have been a lot clearer and we would have understood what you were asking.  I’d say that if it’s been a lot longer than usual between conversations, then probably she does not want to work with same sex couples and rightfully feels ashamed for discriminating against you, hence the lack of reply.  I’d probably write her off and try and find a new baker.

Post # 25
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Totally understand why you would want to work with supportive people. The last thing you want is working with someone who doesn’t treat you guys right. Did you wind up getting a respose from her after you asked about working with a same sex couple?

Post # 27
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

HOw long ago was the last email???

Post # 28
Member
5294 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

View original reply
@engNkhd:  yikes, where did you get attacked? And nowhere did you say she had stopped responding. It pretty much just looked like a ninja got your post and cut you off.

How long has she taken to reply vs. previously? It is the weekend now, and it’s quite possible she’s busy with cakes. I’d give her until Tuesday/Wednesday and then contact someone else. 

Post # 29
Member
3665 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Everyone saying the OP shouldn’t have asked in the first place should read this thread.

Post # 30
Member
2776 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Oh man that stinks!  I think we were all confused because we weren’t getting the part that the conversation stopped after this.  I don’t fault you for asking someone else just had to turn down a florist because she said she would take the girl’s money but didn’t want to be associated with the wedding in anyway because she was gay!

Keep looking for a great baker I’m sure you’ll find one.  Do you have any friend’s that bake?  We are lucky enough to have a pastry chef that will be making our cake.  If not I think in some other threads they have posted gay wedding friendly pages that have links to vendors who are more open minded.

Best of luck to you!

ETA: Regina That’s totally the post I was thinking of!

Post # 31
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Ok I think the bold, larger sized font was unnecessary and combative.  Anyway, how long has it been since you sent the last email.  If it has been a week or more, maybe you have a point but if it has only been a day or so I wouldn’t look too much into it.  It is a holiday weekend and she might have gone out of town.

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