(Closed) Am I reading too much into body language? All opinions welcome!

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Neva: Maybe he sees Jane as more of an equal and a partner and Mary was someone he needed to take care of more.

Also, they may just be much more secure in their relationship and not *need* to be touching at all times.

My Fiance and I are very independent and rarely hold hands in public, but our relationship is very strong and we are equals.

I’ve been in other relationships where my bf at the time was very physically affectionate in public, but I was not his equal, he saw me as something that needed protecting and taking care of, not as a person who could take care of herself.

Post # 4
Member
4511 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think it’s just what you said, that we have different styles of interacting with different people. Sometimes (not always, of course!), more PDA can actually signal more insecurity in the relationship. 

Post # 5
Member
1543 posts
Bumble bee

Maybe Mary was very insecure, and wanted/needed all the constant closeness and attention. And maybe Jane is not like that. Just my two cents.

Post # 6
Member
2580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@stillme: I also think that PDA doesn’t necessarily translate to happiness within a relationship. I had a friend who was always incredibly touchy feely in public with her husband and shocked all of us when she told us they were getting divorced!

You never know what people’s relationships are like when no one else is around. My opinion is everyone has a different dynamic in different relationships.

Post # 7
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@KatNYC2011: That’s a really interesting perspective. Fiance and I are both pretty dependent (not co-dependent, we’re just not spirited individualists and we rely heavily on each other), and we hold hands a lot in public.

Post # 8
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Yes, you are reading into this too much. I am probably a little sensitive to this because my mother mentioned almost the exact same thing with me/my husband vs. me/my ex in kind of a questioning manner that REALLY bothered me. I was pretty upset that she would question my feelings because of what she perceives as our interaction during the limited times that she sees us together. 

My husband and I are not as touchy-feely as I was with my ex for a lot of reasons. Primarily because now we’re grown ups 🙂 You date differently in college than you do as an adult, and you date differently when you know he is the one and you trust him vs. when you’re in the middle of an overly dramatic relationship that could end at any time. 

Don’t make the mistake my mother did by 1) assuming something was wrong and 2) (worse) bringing it up. 

Post # 9
Member
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree with everyone above.  My Fiance and I aren’t into PDA, and the only reason why is because we are both secure in our relationship and mature.  In my high school relationships, yeah I was all about hand-holding and kissing in public, but now that kind of stuff just seems a little immature in a ‘look I have a boyfriend!!!’ kind of way. None of my friends in serious relationships act super affectionate towards each other when they’re around others, and I would think it was weird if they did. Your cousin has probably just grown up a little bit.

Post # 10
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I dont think it means anything at all. we behave differently towards different people based on their comfort level with certain things. Personally I find that couples who are overly touchy in public arent always that close emotionally. I dont do PDA either… i feel its totally unnecessary. everyone already knows we are in love why “prove” it?

Post # 11
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I agree with previous posters.  My brother was engaged, and they called off the wedding two months before the day.  He had always been super snuggly with her, and it seemed like he was afraid to leave her alone.  Like, he’d bring her home for a weekend and not want to golf with my dad (he loves golf) because he didn’t want to leave his girl by herself.  Ironically, after they broke up it sort of came out that there wasn’t much passion behind the scenes, and it seems like a lot of their PDA was sort of trying to be “the perfect couple” when everything else was lackluster.

He hasn’t found a new love yet, although since they broke up he’s been much more outgoing and fun.  His last girlfriend (things didn’t work out), he wasn’t afraid to leave her by herself and seemed like he was less about trying to fit into her life, and more about trying to live his life and hope he found someone who wanted to be part of it.

So I actually think that’s a positive thing.  Relationships that need constant tending and reassurance seem a lot less stable to me than those where the two partners can go out, have fun, and regroup at the end of the night together.  Not saying all PDA is bad, but sometimes it can be a crutch.

Post # 11
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I think your reading too much into it. Perhaps john matured perhaps its a different dynamic with the current girl. My fiancee and I are very touchy and lovey but sometimes we dont sit next to eachother and sometimes we dont hold hands. The more were together the more we are casual to just sit near eachother. It depends on who else is around and how we are feeling also.

Post # 13
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I’m very aware of other couples PDA – even simple things like hand-holding or sitting next to, etc.

I don’t think it’s a sign of anything that he’s different with Jane than Mary…. but I could see how it makes you wonder.

We could sit and theorize on lots of different scenarios about the why’s to his behavior change and they could make a whole lot of sense.

I guess the bottom line is:  does he want to spend the rest of his life with Jane.  Sounds like he does and that’s what’s most important.  Not the amount of PDA he displays.

Post # 14
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

It could be that Jane is, like me, really uncomfortable with PDA. It’s not personal – I always have been. Especially in front of my family or my SO’s family (EW!).  If I started dating a new person who was all PDA-y, I would tell them to cut it out.

Post # 15
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I’m not a fan of PDA. You will never see me making out in public. Lots of women are like that. Likely John is a guy who will go with whatever his current girlfriend prefers.

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