Post # 1
So a couple of weeks ago, I made a meal for my family. It was a special occasion, and I had been asked to do it. I wasn’t feeling too well that day, but I worked away at it, and got it finished for everyone.
When I brought it into the room, my Mother-In-Law said really loudly, ” She’s never cooked this before so if it’s horrible there’s one I bought in the fridge!”. However, everyone liked the meal, told me it was great, and ate it up. When I was clearing away the plates afterwards, my Mother-In-Law came up to me and said she didn’t like it.
The next day, she sat eating the bought meal in front of me, telling me how it tasted better than mine.
My Mother-In-Law is usually a very nice person, and hasn’t hurt my feelings before. however, after that incident, I feel very hurt and confused, and don’t know if I am overreacting by having hurt feelings. Is it in my head? I haven’t spoken to her about it because I don’t know what to do or if I’m in the wrong.
Post # 2
Did you say anything to her in response to this? I would tell your husband and then I would talk to your Mother-In-Law. If she’s never been rude before, you could probably just sit down with her and say ‘I’m not sure why you said this, but it really hurt my feelings. I put a lot of hard work into that and I feel like you were trying to hurt me.’
If she’s normally a nice person, she should understand. She is human after all!
Post # 3
It sounds like she was upset that she wasn’t asked to cook or otherwise put in charge of the food. Was it a special occasion that she is usually in charge of? Was she the one that asked you to cook or was it someone else?
Regardless of what hurt feelings she had leading up to her comments, that was still a petty and cruel way to handle the situation. I’m sorry. I don’t know the best way to handle her but I think it’s worth talking to her about it and letting her know your feelings were hurt.
Post # 4
I agree with the poster who mentioned your Mother-In-Law possibly being upset that she wasn’t asked to prepare the meal herself. I remember when my first husband and I were married years ago I was a starry-eyed young thing who decided I was going to host Thanksgiving dinner for BOTH families and show off my Susie Homemaker skills and prove my worth as a grown-up wife, and even though it turned out beautifully my then Mother-In-Law was kinda pissy toward me because she saw me getting all the holiday accolades that she was used to getting. Maybe your own Mother-In-Law was trying to have a pissing contest with you out of jealousy.
Post # 5
Personally, I wouldn’t say anything to her regarding this one isolated incident. Maybe she was feeling cranky, or was in fact, jealous you were getting all this attention from cooking the meal instead of her.
If it happens again, then yes, I’d bring it up to her (or have your husband do it – I’m a big believer in he deals with his family and you deal with yours).
Post # 6
My Mother-In-Law has an ego about cooking the size of North America. If you happen to compliment anyone else on their cooking in front of Mother-In-Law she’ll roll her eyes and make some snide comment about her own cooking being better or healthier or “from scratch” unlike others. She’s otherwise a fairly nice person but no one can compare to her in cooking in her eyes. DH was sick a few weeks ago and I made him home made chicken soup. Mother-In-Law caught wind of this and made soup also and kept insisting DH come over and eat it because “it will cure any cold you have”. Even after DH explained that I made him soup she said “yeah, but it’s not MY SOUP. MY soup will cure your cold. MY soup is the best you’ll ever have”. Then she made some snide comment about how DH looks skinnier since getting married (meaning I don’t feed him well enough) and Dh said “I’ve actually gained 5 pounds” and Mother-In-Law looks at me and goes “Oh so you’re feeding him crap and making him fat”. It’s literally a lose-lose with her and I have to just ignore it.
His birthday is on wednesday and I plan to make his favorite meal: Slovak Halupki. I know once she hears that, I’ll have to deal with her wrath. Oh well.
Post # 7
I’m really sorry you have to deal with that, it sounds like you do really well considering!
Post # 8
I’m trying to let it go, and if it keeps happening, I’ll ask my husband to have a gentle word with her about it. She did it to my SIL an awful lot and made her feel so anxious about cooking!
Post # 9
Well, then it IS a pattern if she did it to your SIL too. It seems to me that it relates to cooking – perhaps she feels like you two are taking over the “matriarch” role which she sees as her role. How about next time you are asked to cook – you cook WITH her? Maybe you can all cook the meal together.