Am i ready for a baby??

posted 2 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
724 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think anyone feels truly ready, it’s always scary!

Just listen to your gut 😊

Post # 3
Member
1405 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

No where near having kids yet, although I’ve always known I wanted them and know if I have/had them earlier than I wanted, I would be happy to raise them, despite the difficulties.

My Fiance and I plan to start trying in about 5-6 years from now (both early 20s), after we’ve accomplished what we want to get done before having kids (graduating college, getting married, establishing careers, travelling, getting a house). If we got pregnant any time after our wedding, I wouldn’t mind and be thrilled. 

But when we truly see ourselves being “ready” is after we’ve accomplished that list. Of course, who knows when we’ll actually have them – things change and life happens!

I know even planned children can be terrifying to have, since you never know what to expect. But everything will turn out in the end, and we’re all capable of much more than we realize 🙂

Post # 4
Member
9398 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Like PP, we had some big ticket items we wanted settled in our lives before bringing a baby into the mix. But even after all that, I didn’t feel any switch turn on and think “ok, now I’m ready!” It was more a feeling that now is as good a time as any. 

Post # 5
Member
10041 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I’m 27 (got married at 26, been with my husband for 9.5 years) and we are planning on TTC this summer though we’ve also talked about pushing it back a year too.

Our main reason for pushing it back would be finances. We want to be as prepared as possible and our finances are okay right now but obviously another year of saving would make them even better. You have to think about all the costs (doctors visits, baby gear, childcare, formula if you can’t/choose not to breastfeed, etc). 

And then there is the emotional/mental aspect of it. This one I flip-flop on. Some days I feel so ready and then other days I get overwhelmed by the thought of it because having a baby is such a major, major change. 

I don’t think you will ever necessarily feel 100% ready but you can objectively look at your life and say “Yeah, we can do this now” or “You know what here’s some things we need to do first, let’s make a plan to get that handled before we TTC”

So right now our plan is to have a check-in talk in July and decide if we want to go ahead with our TTC plan or push it back. 

Post # 6
Member
983 posts
Busy bee

I got married the first time at 20 and started TTC at 27. I felt I ready bc I had finished all my education and was well on my way to independent licensure in my career. My ex and I were stable financially and had gotten to travel and spend time together as just a twosome. I didn’t feel like there was anything I’d be putting off or missing out on. 

Post # 7
Member
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I found it was more about a feeling. For a long time the idea of getting pregnant was really terrifying and I would panic if I thought I might be pregnant. And then one day it was terrifying but in an exciting way. We both have stable jobs and are comfortable with our finances, own our home, etc. and that stuff all helps too. 

Post # 8
Member
295 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

View original reply
Danisa :  We are both in our late 20s, and have been TTC for about six months (only about 3-4 of them have been active due to illness and injury). I’m not really sure how we decided – we began the (long and ridiculously arduous) process of adoption, however found we were ineligible as we weren’t defacto/married for the minimum amount of time required, which was a huge blow to us. After we spoke about it further, we decided that it was a sign to start trying to become bio parents.

We’ve moved to the country and actually have hope of being able to own a house; we weren’t really fussed if we don’t own a house yet or are married before we are parents. So far, nothing yet. I’m hoping that this month will be it!!

In essence, I don’t think anyone is truly ready. There’s always the “what ifs” or the “we should wait for better money/owning a house/being married” etc., however as long as both parents are emotionally stable and can provide for future baby, then there’s no better time. You’re the only one who knows when that is 🙂

Post # 11
Member
10041 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Given your update I would absolutely wait until you graduate from school. Finances should be a big factor when deciding to have a baby and it doesn’t sound like you guys are ready. Could you live off just his salary? How will you pay for childcare (which is crazy expensive!)? Will you be able to have a baby and afford school at the same time? What would you do if he lost his job? 

My husband and I have been talking about kids for years, have names picked out, are very excited to become parents but we don’t want the first decision we make to be an irresponsible one based just on emotions. And in the time you spend waiting you have to remember that you are waiting for important reasons.

Post # 12
Member
983 posts
Busy bee

Wait until you’re done with grad school. Grad school is hard and a huge time commitment. Having little ones at the same time will be harder still  

 

Post # 13
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

View original reply
hikingbride :  your first reply pretty much took the words straight out of my mouth!

From what you have written Danisa, I would wait if I was in your position. Everything is possible if you put in the hard work, so it’s not impossible to have a baby sooner than graduation, but it does sound like the more practical option is to wait.

Post # 14
Member
3255 posts
Sugar bee

We decided we were ready for kids when we couldn’t imagine not having them anymore. When we started trying and had the MC, and were devastated, we knew we were ready. 

I’m due in 5.5 weeks, and we cannot wait for our little guy to get here. There are moments of panic since it’s just a huge, drastic, life-altering change but we’re ready. We’re ready to be parents to more than just animals.

I understand wanting to wait, and I also understand when people say life is too short, you never know what could happen, if you want a baby, have a baby. You’ll know when you’re ready. You’re young, you have time!

Post # 15
Member
1550 posts
Bumble bee

Were 27/28 and mentally 100% ready to start trying. Weve travelled alot and lived abroad multiple times so I dont feel we have anything left to tick off before trying. Were not as financially ready as we could be, but who is. We can live off my husbands salary with me as a Stay-At-Home Mom. We wont be able to afford big vacations for a while, and were still renting but it will work and we have savings as a security net. As far as knowing when we were ready, at some point a pregnancy went from being scary to being a bit exciting (mainly after we got married). 

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