Post # 1
I am 25 and have been married for 4 years in oct. I always have said I want kids “one day” but it seems that day has never been reached. When I turned 20 I was like maybe at 22. Then 22 came and went and I was like maybe 24. As 24 came and went now I say 26. Lol I know I would enjoy kids and so would my husband but were just so scared of the what ifs. What if we dont know what to do, what if one of us looses our job, what if we dont make enough money to do what we want to do and raise a child. Now it seems my clock has started screaming at me and I really want a baby now but cant seem to start trying do to the worrying. My family always says if you wait until your ready you’ll never have a baby. Im scared ill push it off so long then it will be too late.Any advice? Anyone else have these fears?
Post # 2
I felt financially, emotionally, mentally, logistically ready. Or as mentally ready as possible- parenthood has been much harder than I anticipated (but at the same time even better, too). However, I was also 32 years old. I was not ready in my 20s.
Post # 3
I’m 35 and still don’t feel ready however we are TTC anyway as we’re running out of time if we want to have two children.
You are young enough that you don’t have to worry about this right now. Enjoy life, grow, and see how you feel in a few years.
Post # 4
Not ready and I’m 30. I did have crazy baby fever between 28-29, but it went away.
Right now we enjoy our freedom, the ability to travel on a whim, etc. In time I’m sure that will wane. We are going to wait until we feel 100% ready and if that doesn’t happen until it’s too late we’re open to adoption.
Most of my friends were 32+ when they had their first child. So I don’t feel rushed. It just depends on what you want. We did think we were pregnant earlier this year and were excited and if an oops happened we’d be happy, but we are not actively trying to conceive.
Post # 5
No kids yet, but TTC. DH and I are financially stable, I’m 25 and he’s 35, we own a great home, and want our first kid ASAP. But I don’t think anyone is ever truly ready, because there is so much unknown with your first kid. I think we’re as ready as we’ll ever be. Once I get a sticky pregnancy, we’ll just take each surprise as it comes 🙂
Post # 6
33 here. I think I’m ready. We have a timeline of when we’re going to start trying but the things holding me back are worries like will I be a good mother, will we be good parents, will our child be happy and healthy, will our lives change so much it’ll be unrecognizable?
Post # 7
I was 25 when I had my first (now 32 with 2 kids). In retrospect, my advice is that as soon as you can acknowledge that you are not ready, then you are ready. If you get what I mean? In sentiment to your family, you will never be ready, but you can certainly make it work! Just like with entering the workforce, you may feel ready by having had formal education, but there is a lot of learning on the job, and compromises to make on the way. Same as children!
Post # 8
I know that 25 sounds crazy to say I dont want run out of time but my husband and I have both decided if we dont have children before im 30 then we wernt gonna have any and we want atleast 2 so in that perspective it seems like 4.5 years to squeeze 2 children is is kinda pushing it. Were just nervous that we will miss the freedom of being able to jump up and do whatever we want when we want. Just seems scary! And literally all of pur friends have multiple kids and some of the stories we hear…we just look at each other and think can we do that?
Post # 9
Do you guys have an emergency fund going?
I think financial experts say you should have something like 6+ months of living expenses in an emergency fund incase one of you looses your job(enough to cover all of your bills for that period). My dad went through a rough unemployment period and ever since has started prepaying the mortages/utilities to the point where he had prepayed a year of the mortgage, a couple months of utilities, and had about 6 months of living expenses in a savings account.
If your worried about money, maybe give that a try? It gives you guys a great security blanket incase one of you loses a job/unexpected medical bills/etc
Post # 10
Having kids is no joke!! I am 35 and pregnant with my second. You have plenty of time!! Enjoy the freedom, having kids changes everything. It’s awesome, but it’s very different. I’m glad I waited as long as I did.
Post # 11
Nope, that doesn’t sound crazy. Then again I’m also 25 and DH is 30 and we have the same thoughts. I have a deadline too and want to be done at 32 because that’s when my mother had me and I’m the youngest. Plus a family experience really cemented that line in the sand at a young age for me. My aunt conceived her children in her mid to late 30’s and was able to have two children after a MC where the fetus was growing without a head. I know that can happen at any age but for me personally it’s why I drew the line in the sand for 32. If it still happens to me or something similar even before 32 than so be it. Also, I’m NOT saying that for those in their mid to late 30’s that it will happen either, so please don’t think that’s what I’m insinuating because I know healthy babies are born everyday to women of all ages. I’m just saying what I experienced of everyone crying and freaking out as we got the news on the phone, and my mother rushing off to the hospital stuck with me. It was enough to make me feel that 32 was it but if I didn’t feel ready I obviously wouldn’t stick with 32. There has to be a sense of readiness AND determination/will power to pull the trigger so to speak. The experience my aunt had and what that meant for my family was enough to make me feel that 32 was the cut off, at least for me that is. We also come from small family so my aunt’s children were the only cousins I essentially grew up with and the only pregnancy experience in the family so it’s partly why I feel the way I do.
Anyways, there’s always going to be uncertainty though. You could lose your job when your 30 or 40 so that’s something that can happen at anytime. Of course if you speculate that there may be job cuts looming then yes I would say hold off. But if it’s just in the back of your mind then I wouldn’t worry. We went back and forth on this “ready” business for a while and we realized we are ready when you can’t get it out of your head. Of course I have days where I think wow it’s great I can sleep in or it’s great I can just lounge and binge watch t.v. but at the end of the day I think life is bigger than that. Life is about moments and who better to share moments with than your family. If you feel that YOUR clock is ticking then I wouldn’t put it off because I have the same feeling of my clock is ticking/running out. You can only do what’s right for you so yes you can absolutely be ready at 20 or 25 or 35 or even 45. There are perks having children in your 20’s vs your 30’s just as there are downsides of having children in your 20’s vs the 30’s. It’s an individual thing and only you can tell for yourself. Sure you will lose aspects of freedom but who knows what other joys you could lose by not taking the plunge.
Anyways, that’s just my two cents.
Edit: Sorry for the story but honestly do what’s best for you and DH! 🙂
Post # 12
- Wedding: January 2016 - 1950s themed bar
The beauty of timelines is that you can always change them! You may have thought if you didn’t have kids by 30 then you’ll never have kids, but it sounds like you want them at some point, and that might be after you are 30.
If you found out you were pregnant today, what would you do? How would you feel?
I think people get waaay too stressed about having kids – yes, they are a huge commitment but people can adapt to anything and I’m sure you’ll love things about parenthood that outweigh the reduced freedom. Do you actually do spontaneous trips or is it the idea that you won’t be able to that bothers you?
Talk to your parent friends. Ask them to tell you honestly if they think you’re ready and also how they feel about parenthood.
Post # 13
There is little chance of me losing my job and I have a very nice career its just a worry that is always in the back of my mind. Right now if I lose my job I only have me and the husband to wprry about but if i had a little one to worry about thats a whole new ball game. But like you said you cant predict the future and that could happen anytime no matter my age. I try to remember that you cant foresee the future and you just have to live your life but sometimes thats scary! @miaBella03
@ Natalienz we dont do spontaneous trips all the time but we do go camping ALOT and we try to go on a trip atleast 1-2 a year and sometimes its out of the country. We are just now getting to really go to the places we want to see and i would hate to loose that but people travel with their kids all the time right? If I was to get pregnant right now I would be really really happy it just wpuld be a little frightening to not know whats next. Im a planner and i like to know whats next I think thats why its so scary to me bc with kids you dont always know whats next. Many of my friends are always saying how me and the hubs will be awesome parents and honestly we are much more prepared financial wise than any of our friends were or are. But then sometimes i see our friends with their kids and they looked so stressed and exhausted and thats scary too!❤
Post # 14
Why do you have to be done by 30 or none at all? I mean I get not wanting to be a first time mom at 36 or 37 but having the first at 30 is very different from the first at 37 or 38. You don’t need to do it if you’re not ready. Have one at 28. or 30. or 32. The real drop off in fertility is in the late 30s, not below 35. I’d say just change your timeline.
Im pretty sure a lot of people never feel 100% ready but they’re financially ready and they want kids in the end so they just have to go for it. 25 is pretty young though, I see no issue with waiting 2-5 years.