(Closed) Am I really being a bridezilla? *Might be a bit long*

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I really don’t think you’re being out of line.  I might not have started the conversation about the bachelorette party but you’re crazy to believe that I won’t have some say in how the whole thing goes down.  With that said, I don’t think you were out of line to start the conversation when she’s made statements about what she wants to do and they don’t match with what you’d like. 

When my Maid/Matron of Honor “L” got married her only attendant (another long story) was planning a bachelorette party to include pole dancing lessons and strippers.  L is so anti stripper it’s not even funny.  She’s not really bothered by her hubby going to clubs, but really doesn’t advocate it.  So the planned party was about as oposite of what L wanted it’s not even funny.  L worked quietly behind the scenes with other friends to get the feel of the party changed.  In the end her attendant got a little huffy, but eventually got over it.

Is there a way for you to maybe talk to your other Maid/Matron of Honor about what you’d like and see if she can help make sure the party more closely lines up with what you’d like.

With the dresses, I really think you’ll just have to stand your ground.  As nicely as possible explain that *this* is your vision.  You understand her concerns about formality, but you would like to see if you can’t make it formal and would really appreciate her help in acheiving that goal.

With the vendors and such, do you have other friends that can help you?  It really seems like she’s not going to be much assistance.

I wish you the best of luck on this.

Post # 4
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Wow, as far as the comments about your planning in advance she’s just not right. I think its always a good idea to plan and you were right on with making decisions early on especially for a semi Destination Wedding. I can’t believe she would be so hard to work with on getting her dress! I didn’t really ask for input on my Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses b/c I had a very specific idea of what I wanted but when I asked my girls if they were ok with it they gave me tons of feedback and right away asked when they needed to order them (I told them we could wait a bit). They also have been super helpful coming up with ideas and giving suggestions.

Now I must say I’ve never asked any of them to gather wedding related details for me, like calling the caterer, I don’t think that’s there responsibility. Also they are the ones that get to plan the bachorlette party, they really don’t HAVE to throw you one in the first place so telling them the specifics of what you want is really not appropriate, but you’d think they would at least take what you don’t want into consideration and respect that. I know I would be mortified if I had a crazy stripper like party. I would talk to her and just let her know how your feeling about it. I by no means think your the b-word and I 100% think she is being out of line with regards to the dress but she does have a point (to a certain extent) on the bachorette party.

Post # 5
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

As brides we have to remember that just because we know what the appropriate timelines are and we know there are reasons and methods for our madness, not everyone else gets it.

Still, with that being said, I don’t think you are being out of line or a bridezilla (a term that I have come to loathe because people will throw it at you for everything even when you aren’t being unreasonable). I think she was right to wait a few months before looking at dresses and should really just now be starting to pick something out. It shouldn’t be an issue for her to either pick something herself or take a couple of pictures. Could it be a money issue?

Have you made any other “demands” on your bridesmaids? I don’t see why she would react this strongly to these small requests.

Post # 6
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Hmm. Well, I really don’t think you should be having your Maid/Matron of Honor call your caterers or whatever. That’s not her responsibility and I probably would be like WTF if I was in someone’s wedding and dealing with their catering crap. It sucks enough to deal with it when it’s your own wedding. As for the dresses, it’s really nice of a bride to take into consideration her BMs likes/dislikes when it comes to selecting a dress. You don’t HAVE to but I feel like it’s obnoxious not to. That being said, she sounds like she had no constructive input at all re: the dress. I hear her about not getting the dress so early because people may want to lose weight, etc. and there’s no point in getting Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses that early.

Re: the bachelorette – she should respect your wishes about the stripper/sex toy type party because that is something that can affect a person’s relationship (i.e. piss of your Fiance, cause drama, etc.) and also in theory she should want to throw you a party you’d actually like! But at the end of the day she is throwing the party and paying for stuff so that’s a tricky one. I would try and explain to her that you and your Fiance have a “no strippers” policy and you will be forced to leave the party if she gets one. Something like that that is basically like LOOK do not get a stripper or I’m leaving.

So as far as the B-zilla thing is concerned, overall – you could be better, you could be worse. She seems difficult as well.

Post # 7
829 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

ugh you poor thing. People really dont understand how hard it is to put a wedding together unless they have done it. I had 57 and it was formal and beautiful and took me a yr to plan. Just because its not 150+ in people doesnt mean anything.

I am so sorry she isnt really helpful and I think you have every right to have a say in your bachelorette party. I dont think she is going to end up being helpful. Good luck and dont ever think you cant have a word in your own wedidng or activities.

Post # 8
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’d be a bit put off by her also.  If your not buying dresses off the rack, then you need time to order them, have them arrive, do alterations, etc.  I don’t see any reason why she can’t be looking for a dress right now.   Maybe let her know that if she doesn’t pick it herself, you’ll do it for her and she’ll have no choice in the matter?  I don’t think you’re being too controlling, if anything, I think you’re giving her too much leeway!

Post # 9
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

ummmm….yeah.  you are kinda being bridezilla-ish.  i know you are super excited to plan the wedding, but i think you should refrain from sending emails, asking people to try on dresses, and call vendors until you’ve made up your mind.  this is a huge day for you, but not for anyone else besides your Fiance.

  • the bachelorette is not for you to plan.  i can see you having some ideas, but it is absolutely not for you to plan.  especially since this is a totally optional task for your BMs.
  • unless you want imput on the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses, stop soliciting opinions.
  • at this point, your wedding is less than 7 months away, so i definitely do not think you are starting too soon planning, epecially since you are planning from afar
  • I wouldnt expect BMs to help you plan the wedding.  it is really not their responsibility to run errands and contact vendors.  its one thing if they volunteer, totally different if these are tasks you are delegating and expecting them to complete.

Good luck with everything.

Post # 10
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I don’t agree that your Maid/Matron of Honor should be the one calling the caterers.  Some of the other posters nailed it when they said that part sucks enough at your own wedding, that is not really her responsibility.  If she offered, that’s a different situation…did she offer?

As far as the dresses go…she sounds pretty unreasonable.  And it doesnt sound like she’s going to get any better. That said, I’d just pick a style that tends to be pretty flattering on a variety of body types and go with it. You don’t really need to have the input to make your decision, and it doesnt sound like she is valuing your accomodations.

BUT. As far as the bachelorette party. My Maid/Matron of Honor tried to do something like that, even though I specifically asked her not to.   It came down to me telling her “I will not attend if this stuff happens at my party, and if it happens after I get there, I will leave.”  Cleared the whole mess right up when she saw how serious I was about NOT having a party like that.  Might be worth a shot?

Post # 11
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Holycanolli, I’d like to kick that Maid/Matron of Honor in the shins.  I’m sorry you are having to deal with this.  It sounds like this girl doesn’t have a clue as to what it takes to plan a wedding.  Heck the dress she likes now could be discontinued by the time she gets around to finally purchasing it.

As for the bachelorette party, I’d definitely put my foot down about that one.  If you do not want/are not comfortable with her party idea, she should not force it upon you.  It’s not like you saying, “I will ONLY have 5 days on a beach w/ my girls in Cancun” type of party…you are merely saying you are not comfortable with the idea of what she wants.  The gal needs to get her Maid/Matron of Honor priorities straight and put the same “oomph” into her dress shopping than bach party planning.  Sheesh

Post # 13
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I don’t think overall you are being a bridezilla, but in my mind, bridezilla is defined by the way you express yourself, not necessarily what you are expressing. If you are kind to your friends, considerate of feelings, and don’t expect them to do your entire wedding, you are fine. I’m a little on the fence about the telling them what you want for a batchlorette party, because that’s not something they even have to do for you, but then again, if they asked, then certainly you could say there are certain things you really would not enjoy!

I think at this point you should do a “last call on input on your dress” sort of a thing, before you just pick one.

Also, FYI for your friend- a year in advance is not too soon to plan, or to buy a dress. I bought mine more than a year ahead and the shop told me that was perfect. My dress is going to take 4 months just to come in!

Post # 14
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Sounds like you’re getting a lot of mixed signals from this woman.  She seems to be imposing her ideas about the “right” timeline on your wedding, and that’s not a workable situation for any number of reasons.

In re: the dresses, I think your best option at this point is to narrow it down to approx. four options and tell your ladies to pick whichever they like best. 

Post # 16
44 posts
  • Wedding: October 2010

you are not being a “b-zilla” (hate that word now)!

i am and will admit to anyone that i am a control freak, and when you couple that with one of the most important days of your life, the stress that comes with that i feel now, that only other brides really know what we are going through. i cant even confide in my moh without her calling me “crazy” behind my back. i think of how i would act if i was an MOH or Bridesmaid or Best Man and i would be so helpful and accomodating not rude and b!tchy! you mentioned you have 2 mohs? maybe you should have the other one take on more responsibility. talk to this other moh and be up front but no tone or attitude and figure out what her deal is. i am too much of a control freak to let someone else plan something like catering..take that task away from her! 

its your wedding but its her money paying for the dress, so there just needs to be a compromise, give her a deadline as to when the dresses need to be picked out. obvs, if she hates everything ur picking out than give her that task instead and let her give YOU options then u veto the ones you dont like and give the thumbs up on the ones u DO like. hope this help! 


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