(Closed) Am I really going to have to be that guest? Feeling terrible.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What would you do?

    Suck it up and go to the wedding

    Cancel regretfully and send a good gift

    Other?

  • Post # 121
    Member
    1652 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    View original reply
    Demi-chan:  I am sorry you got so much negativity! I don’t get it either. I think it was a reasonable question since you were totally exhausted and in a new country. Glad it looks like you can make going work.

    Post # 122
    Member
    373 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014 - Beach

    Well.. your friend did go to your wedding and she did make an effort to come. I think you should go. I know how exhausted you may be now, but it really comes down to if you want to go or not. It will be only for 4 days you can relax the weekend later but the wedding is just once. I speak german if you need some help with someone looking over your car i would be glad to help you. you can message me anytime and i can help. But really you should go

    Post # 123
    Member
    178 posts
    Blushing bee

    So from what I gather you accepted to go BEFORE you moved etc. If you were unsure of whether or not you should go, why didn’t you not respond until the last possible second.

    I’d call her up immediately and say due to financial constraints you can’t go but you will still send her a financial gift for the mishap and hope that she is OK with that exaplination. When’s her wedding? Does she have enough time to replace your seating?

    And when you send the financial gift I would be sure that it covers a little more than the amount she would have to pay for you and your husbands seat at the wedding.

    Post # 124
    Member
    1772 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I think you should go. Kitten can be with the inside/outside cat or in the kennel. you rsvpd yes for 2 ppl and it’s a week before the wedding. There is no death or illness, you should go and give a card but not a present. Delay kitchen counters or stove or whatever else will let you keep your word. I doubt she cares much about the gift- for us, two ppl canceling 1 week out would be hundreds of dollars completely wasted that we couldn’t get back and seats empty when we have quite a few other ppl we would have wanted there and who wanted to come, but couldn’t be invited due to your yes rsvps. 

    Post # 126
    Member
    1772 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    View original reply
    Demi-chan:  Sorry, I didn’t realize there was a page 8 b/c the new mobile version of the bee just says “next” instead of giving the number of pages, so I thought there were only 2 pages.  Regardless, something isn’t “completely impossible” just because you feel uncomfortable with it- there’s clearly a difference of opinion on the cat issue.  Either way – glad you got it worked out and hope the trip goes well.  Hopefully, you’ve noticed that there are a lot of non-snarky comments in this thread and that a better tone in some of your posts might’ve decreased the snark even more.  Some of these things are hit or miss and changing what you write can get much less attitude in responses (often).

    Post # 127
    Member
    553 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    GOOD LORD.

    OP, you didn’t deserve any of this bologna, and I think people don’t read properly. Glad you figured out a way to make it work, and if it’s any consolation, I read every word of what you wrote and understood every single issue. I didn’t get any “I’m a victim” or snark from anything YOU wrote…

    Some people think weddingbee is super supportive and nice, but I wouldn’t ever post any issue I had here bc there’s pretty much zero compassion. 

    I hope you and your Darling Husband have a good time on the trip, and it doesn’t delay you guys getting your kitchen sorted for too long. Living in transition SUCKS…and I only had to be without my stuff for a week and without a couch for 6 weeks…comparatively a cake walk.

    Post # 128
    Member
    1406 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

     

    View original reply
    Demi-chan:  Yeah, a lot of rudeness on this site.

    Post # 129
    Member
    13022 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    I realize you’ve made your plans, so I am assuming  you didn’t address the other cat sitting options because you were waiting on finding out whether your H’s other work colleague could stop by. Since you do seem to have a few options, if you are leaving a very young kitten completely alone for the better part of 48  hours,  I would at least ask your vet for his or her opinion on them.  Did you ever say how old she  is? 

    My question, if the outdoor – indoor cat owners are responsible people,  would the kitten be any more likely to get out than  when H’s work colleague opens and closes your front door? You could always  ask them to take the kitten elsewhere to play any time they let their own cat in or out. For example, I never let any dog we were watching for the week out in our fenced yard, even though our own dog was reliable.  I always worried a smaller  dog could dig under the fence.  Some  of them were even well known escape artists.  We watched the dog, walked the two together  on leashes and never had an issue. 

    As for the comparison you make between the unreasonable expectation on the part of engaged couples that  people put their lives on hold, that presumes they are not justified in being upset at people who gave adequate notice when  they RSVPed  “no.”  If you had sent your regrets your friend would have not had  the right to be offended.  However, we are talking about a  last minute cancellation, for a non emergency reason, so apples and oranges.

    An RSVP is basically understood to be an unofficial, but binding  social contract.  You don’t cancel last minute unless there is an emergency.   It  is safe to say the large majority of people will not consider “I don’t want to leave my cat ”  to be a legitimate excuse or something you couldn’t figure out.

     I actually think many posters had good intentions in replying to your question, and did you a favor by letting you know there would be a chance that your childhood friend could  be offended and probably would be.   Anyway, I’m glad you are going and hope it all works out for the best with the kitten. <br />

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by  weddingmaven.
    • This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by  weddingmaven.
    Post # 130
    Member
    3219 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    View original reply
    Demi-chan:  Big hugs! I’m glad that something worked out. I’ve heard horror stories about Dutch apartments, my cousin and his wife had to even install a floor in their rental. It was literally just joists and walls. Different country, I know, but VERY similar situations I am guessing.

     

    I’m glad you folks are seeing this as a mini-break. It seems really strange that your friend wanted the RSVPs in 5 weeks in advance – how stressful for guests like you! I hope that you folks enjoy the trip, that the wedding is enjoyable and that your kitten is overjoyed to see you when you get back.

     

    Also, thank you for the adorable kitten pictures!!

    Post # 133
    Member
    233 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    As a bride and if I invited you as my guest (after going to your wedding), I would be very disappointed that you were not able to attend my wedding.  However, with all the life circumstances, I would also understand:)  

    Let her know ASAP.  I would try to call her and explain.  And if you get voicemail, just leave a message and then write her a letter.  Definitely send her something to cover at least both plates if not more.  That’s what I would do anyways if I were in your shoes.  If she is a good friend, she will understand (although she may be upset for awhile).

    Post # 134
    Member
    9544 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    View original reply
    Demi-chan:  Glad to hear you found a kitty-sitter! I really hope the trip can be a nice little get away for you and your husband. I’m sure it’ll be nice to be around English speakers. Do some sightseeing, but also take some extra time to sleep! And I hope the wedding is fun! I’m sure your friend will really appreciate that you traveled all that way to see her!

    I’m sorry you kind of got read the riot act in responces to your post. I think most people are trying to help and not be too rude, but some people always go overboard. It’s definitely not a perfect forum, but I’ve actually found wedding bee to be largely positive and supportive. Things can just get heated at times. But I hope you stay on the forum, especially if you need connections in a new foreign country. 

    ETA: I find it helpful to think about my goals in posting prior to posting. Some posts have an obvious goal – finding typos in invitation wording or something like that. Other posts have less obvious goals, like finding out what people think about something or venting or seeking reassurance. These are the types of posts that often devolve. So I’m very careful about my wording in posts and often choose not to post things that I think are likely to spiral out of control. If I’m asking about how to word my honeymoon registry, I’ll include a line asking people not to tell me honeymoon registries are rude, but asking specifically about the wording. I suppose it’s a bit of a hassle, but that really helps to cut down on the snark. I also find it better not to post about things that I know I’m emotional about because I don’t want to get my feelings hurt. Or you can post asking for support, not asking if people think something is right/wrong. Just some thoughts!

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by  JenGirl.
    Post # 135
    Member
    1077 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Greenbrier Country Club

    View original reply
    Demi-chan:  I just wanted to clearify my thoughts.<br /> If these were your reasons to decline the wedding invitation right from the start, then I am confident the replies would be a whole lot different. I’m pretty sure almost everyone would tell you to decline and that your reasoning was fine.<br />However, the issue that I take is that you were going to cancle last min. You had already told this person that you were going to go, and I am just not a fan of flakiness and broken promises. Your posts reflected a, “it would be inconvienent for me” attitude, not a “I have no other option but to decline” one. It just seemed like you weren’t willing to put in any effort into keeping your promise. I am glad that everything has worked out.

    The topic ‘Am I really going to have to be that guest? Feeling terrible.’ is closed to new replies.

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