Am I required to stay all night as a bridesmaid

posted 5 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

ashleynich :  I don’t think it’s the norm for the bridal party to help clean up? If it is, I’ve never been asked to do so when I’ve been in a wedding.

If I were you I’d probably not go to the rehersal dinner, that’s just such a long day for you, especially to then have to be back early in the AM. 

Is she planning on feeding the bridal party if she expects you to be there all day and night?

When I’ve been in weddings I’ve left while the party is still going but when it’s definitely winding down, no one was mad, but no one expected me to stay and help clean up. 

If I were in this situation I’d probably stick around till 9 then head home, and that’s pushing it if she’s not feeding you dinner……

ETA I doubt this reception will last till 11, even if people eat a dinner at like 5 before making their way to the ceremony, they’re going to be hungry by like 8 or 9, especially if they’re drinking. Party will be over sooner than she thinks IMO

Post # 3
Member
4575 posts
Honey bee

Nope.  You are a guest, not hired help. 

As long as you are there for the ceremony and photos you are good.  Usually it is polite to stay through dinner but since she isnt having one, then cake cutting.  If she asks/tells you to stay and clean up, you are free to politely decline.

Post # 4
Member
8099 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

ashleynich :  I have never cleaned up as a bridesmaid – the couple pays people to do that crap. Tell her the rehearsal isn’t feasible and just go in the morning for the day and duck out around 9pm

Post # 5
Member
562 posts
Busy bee

If bride is such a good friend why don’t you just discuss with her. I’m sure she’ll understand. I only say this because years ago when I was in my early 20’s one of my good friends was getting married. I did not grow up in the states or any country that does bridal showers and bachelorette parties so did not realize how important they are to people. I was not a bridesmaid and I ended up not going because of school and work. I wish I had called and explained to her why I could not come, I just responded to rsvp that I could not come. anyway it was friendship ending for us. 

Post # 6
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You shouldn’t have to clean up but I think you should stay till the end as a bridesmaid

 

Post # 7
Member
375 posts
Helper bee

I would feel insulted if someone asked me to clean up. As a bridesmaid you’re already giving her a lot of your time, probably a substantial gift, buying your dress and driving to a venue that isn’t very close. It’s more than enough. You’re a bridesmaid, not a maid (sorry for the pun).

Let’s not forget that the most important part of a wedding is the ceremony, not the reception. You should obviously stay for a while but certainly not until the end if you don’t want to.

Post # 8
Member
2799 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

You definitely aren’t required to clean up at the end (I have never seen bridesmaids do this, this is what hired staff are for), but I would stay until all of the wedding events such as speeches, cake cutting, first dance etc. are over. And then politely make your exit. 

Post # 9
Member
4205 posts
Honey bee

If I’m going to have to clean up after a party, I’m not doing it in high heels and a dress. Only a thoughtless bride would ask her bridesmaids to clean up after the wedding. I dont think it’s necessary to come to a rehearsal, and it sounds like theres not even going to be a din or afterward. As far as staying through the entire reception, I assure you that with only drinks and dessert being served, it’s not going to last that long.

Post # 10
Member
1904 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

So I’d say it’s polite when you’re the moh or in the wedding to stay the entire night absent an emergency. But that isn’t the same thing as expecting you to do work. 

Post # 11
Member
6231 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

It sounds like you have a lot going on and you are already being very generous by showing up and supporting your friend in pulling together a wedding in a very tight timeline. I would not show up in the morning for an event happening at 7pm. What does she expect to be doing all day that requires your presence?

Given everything you have going on, I would leave as soon as the cake was cut. I would not stay to clean up, even if it was an expectation and other bridesmaids were going to do it. You are a grown woman. Your time belongs to you. You are not obligated to allow somone to spend it just because you are close friends.

Post # 12
Member
4973 posts
Honey bee

I don’t think you should be expected to clean up. We didn’t ask any of our bridal party to clean up.  The venue did. I’d just bow out when you’re ready to leave. Preferably after food. 

Post # 13
Member
6771 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I’ve moved gifts or grabbed rented candelabras as a bridesmaid but I’ve never been asked to clean up. I would let her know that you will have to leave before the very end of the evening. As PP suggested, I would stay through cake, speeches, dances, etc. At that point gauge how tired (and hungry!) you are and plan your exit.

(Who has a 7PM event and doesn’t feed their guests???! She’s likely to find many of her guests exiting long before 11.)

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