Am I required to stay all night as a bridesmaid

posted 7 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
940 posts
Busy bee

I would let her know you cant make it to rehearsal, but you could be filled in the entire morning and day to know what is required or what was ‘rehearsed’. 

Get some rest, you arent a slave to a wedding.

Post # 17
Member
1688 posts
Bumble bee

I asked my bridesmaids to assist with some set up but no cleaning was expected. I would skip the rehearsal if I were you. 

Post # 18
Member
12484 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

The etiquette is to stay until at least the cake cutting. That includes a sit down dinner reception. It’s rude to bail before dinner is finished. There’s no separate rule, but as a bridesmaid, I personally think it’s a generous gesture to stay until the end. I even try to do that as a guest whenever possible. But in your place, I’d leave too. 

What would be rude is if the bride expected you to work clean up detail. 

Post # 19
Member
1907 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

One thing I wanted to add.. OP, your wedding is in 2020. If you ignore the notice of the wedding and ignore your own personal stress and workload… would you be miffed if your maid of honor and bridesmaids ditched you halfway through reception? 

Post # 20
Member
2159 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

You’re expected to stay until after the first dance /cake cut-

nobody should leave before then.

 

Post # 21
Member
1038 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I wonder whether there’s a misinterpretation somewhere of the word “clean up”. My experience has always been that the bridemaids are expected to stay until the end, not to literally wipe down tables but to gather up any valued decorations, guest book, etc. that the bride wants to ensure don’t get lost.

Given that your weekly overtime is contributing to your general exhaustion, is there any way you could afford a hotel room for one night?

Post # 22
Member
740 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

She was given 6 weeks notice bride should be happy she can make it at all 

bibliophilacticbee :  

Post # 23
Member
13769 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d be disappointed if my bridesmaids left early.  6 weeks is still a decent amount of notice, and personally, I don’t consider an hour to be a long drive at all. 

I don’t know of bridesmaids being expected to clean, but usually they are there to celebrate with the couple throughout the event. If you feel that you need to leave early for the drive, then leave early.  I doubt she’ll really even notice. 

Post # 26
Member
13769 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

ashleynich :  Sure, but your question wasn’t about planning any of these events.  Your question was if it was acceptable to leave a wedding early.  I don’t think 6 weeks is notice is absurd – out of the norm for weddings, for sure, but not ridiculous.  I just checked – my calendar in 6 weeks could easily be cleared if a good friend were getting married.  As for the financial piece – I get it.  A few hundred dollars wouldn’t be a huge expense for me out of the blue, but I understand that isn’t the case for everyone. 

Post # 27
Member
643 posts
Busy bee

Cleanup – oh hell no.

Stay to the very end – it would be nice if you did, but if she’s not providing food…. you’re not required to starve.

Stay until cake is cut – absolutely required.

Get there early in the morning for a 7pm wedding – why does she need you there? This seems dumb.

Post # 28
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee

It probably wouldn’t be rude to leave especially if you told her. But I think I don’t understand why you need to leave. Not sure if this is right, but Wedding on Saturday, flight on Monday? Pack before the wedding or on Sunday. I have stayed til the end and make sure everything is done before I go in all the wedding I have been in – and even for other family weddings that I wasn’t in the party.

Post # 29
Member
860 posts
Busy bee

Unless the bride has asked you to clean up, I wouldn’t assume (or volunteer) to do so. I was a Bridemaid in a wedding where I was forced to stay late and clean up and it really pissed me off. 

I don’t mean to sound ugly, but you’re really focusing on the “I” parts of this situation. I have a lot going on, I have to drive, I don’t support her marriage. If you don’t support it, don’t go. But, if you’re going to support your friend then do it fully. Already planning to leave her wedding early before it happens is kind of crappy. I personally wouldn’t ever leave a wedding I was a bridesmaid in before the couple exited and if one of my maids did that, frankly, I’d be upset. It’s one night.

ETA: I just read your update. If it’s going until 11 why wouldn’t you just stay the whole time instead of leaving at 10? Why do you need to be home by 11 will you turn into a pumpkin at 12? 

Post # 30
Member
871 posts
Busy bee

ashleynich :  I think you’ve already made up your mind to leave early and are just tossing out reasons why, hoping to receive validation that it can’t be helped. Why would you need to come home from a wedding and pack for a trip you already know about at least 6 weeks in advance? You could easily pack a few days before the wedding, then just have a small checklist on top of your suitcase listing last minute things to add (cell phone charger, any medication, toothbrush), surely 95% of your stuff can be packed a few days earlier. 

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