(Closed) Am I right to be jealous/irritated?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: would you be mad?
    yes. NOT COOL. : (224 votes)
    90 %
    no, everyone flirts. it's ok for my fiance to hang out with girls. : (17 votes)
    7 %
    other... : (8 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 20
    Member
    1680 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @bretonvirgniia:  lmao. I almost choked on my snack. bitch better not post her address.


    I’m usually a serious discussion type of person, but I think yelling before the conversation will give you some edge 😉

    I hope everything works out! Do keep me posted!

    Post # 21
    Member
    1474 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @bretonvirgniia:  Oh man, sorry you’re going through this! I’d be so pissed I wouldn’t even be able to see clearly. That was a major line being crossed not only by him, but ESPECIALLY by her! And seeing as how you both had previously discussed this makes it even worse. I hope you give him what for and reading your responses, I can tell you’re mad. Seriously, this would be a time where I would say that he deletes her off of Facebook because that’s where it keeps ending up. I hate Facebook door that very reason. Good luck to you, girlfriend!

    Post # 22
    Member
    9544 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Well, it’s hard for me to be fair about this, because neither my fiance nor I are really jealous people. In my book, innocent flirting is just that – innocent. But that doesn’t work for everyone, including you, and that’s okay. It sounds like the facebook stuff isn’t that bad. You said there wasn’t anything overt. And they went months without any messages, so it’s not like they’re super close. I do find it a little odd that your fiance didn’t mention that he went out to a bar to watch the game with her, but a lot can happen in a week, and if it wasn’t a big deal, maybe he just didn’t even think about it when you got home. As to her comment about him being in trouble, I wouldn’t put too much stock in that. It probably just means that she has had to deal with jealous significant others in the past, or possibly knows that you lean toward the jealous side. Not an insult or a big deal. You are well within your rights to tell your fiance that you are uncomfortable with them hanging out without you there, but I wouldn’t get too mad over what has happened – it doesn’t really sound like anything much has happened. 

    Post # 23
    Member
    3400 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I feel for you.

    His actions are total BS. I would be mad enough about the facebook flirting, but hanging out with this girl when you were out of the country & then not mentioning it, or asking you if you were okay with it beforehand reads as rude, sketchy, and totally wrong.

    I understand the whole thing about snooping being wrong blah, blah, but frankly I think nothing should be off limits in a relationship. If my Fiance wants to scan my FB “just in case” I’m totally okay with that, because I had a shitty childhood myself & I know how hard it can be to trust anybody at all.

    Unfortunately, my Fiance isn’t as okay with total transparency as I am because he thinks it means I have trust issues (damn right, with everyone), and he too can be a little overly flirty on facebook.

    I think relationships could be a total open book. Nothing should be private between the two. If I were in your shoes I would admit to the snooping, tell him that you want a relationship where you are both privy to every detail of the other’s life, and that you want some serious answers and apologizing.

     

    Post # 24
    Member
    11744 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Yeah, I wouldn’t be cool with this.  Honestly, from all the other issues you have had with him, this would be the straw that broke that camel’s back for me.

    ETA – I didn’t vote because while it’s not cool, I still do allow my Darling Husband to hang with females because he doesn’t display behavior such as your Fiance.  If they hang out all the time and are friends, great no problem they hung out when you were away.  But it seems pretty skechy that he waited until you were away to go hang out with her alone and not make any mention of it to you.

     

    Post # 26
    Member
    6739 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    He met up with a girl that he flirts with while you were out of town and didn’t tell you about it???  So many red flags..

    Post # 28
    Member
    8439 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @bretonvirgniia:  Hmm I’d probably just talk to him about it.  You never know how workplace confontations like this can go, so I’d rather avoid them altogether.  Hopefully someone will say something to C’s SO, I’m sure he wouldn’t really approve of her doing this.

    Post # 30
    Member
    14987 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    So the flirty undertone is semi acceptable to me if that’s the way he just is.  I’m sort of that way myself, and it can mean nothing.  I just have that sort of joking/border line flirting comfortable relationship with some coworkers and people.

    The BIG problem is that he snuck behind your back, went alone, and didn’t tell you about it!!  If I go out with coworkers, 1. it’s not alone.  2.  I tell my husband who and where so he doesn’t worry. I have nothing to hide.  I talk about them to him, and we’ve all hung out together before.

    Post # 31
    Member
    10363 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I am going to go against the grain here and say that he must know that you have trust issues. He must know that you become kind of irrational and read into things that don’t need to be read in. Most people respond to that by just omitting info that would stress that person out or instigate a fight. I think that’s what happened here. Of course, the better thing for him to do would be to communicate about things, but he may feel like he can’t if you contantly are emitting anxiety about trusting people.

    I think this problem is on BOTH of you.

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