(Closed) Am I rude or are they rude?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

yes, what you are doing sounds good… spread everyone out evenly as if you don’t think they will come, but be prepared to turn one 7 table into a 9.  just make sure the people at that table are a more laid back type of people! haha. 

Unfortunately this happens more than you’d think, so I think people are pretty understanding about it. However, make sure you account for their food – its always better to have more than enough rather than not enough over all.



Post # 4
825 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@tracyb3285:  honestly, while it’s not an ideal situation for you, labor and having a baby are completely out of yours or their control. To me, it sounds like they would love to be at your wedding, but are giving you the heads up that his sister might go into labor and that such an event would understandably take precedence. I would plan on them as a yes, plan for them to attend, and if life happens and they can’t make it because of a baby being born, try to be understanding and realize that it’s not a slight against you if they can’t make it. This isn’t like having another appointment or event that they could easily reschedule, and I would try to accommodate them if you truly would enjoy having them there if they are able. 

Post # 5
2872 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I don’t think they’re trying to be rude, just realistic 🙁

Post # 6
3281 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think that’s a totally acceptable response. They let you know their situation and will try to make. Make the place cards and plan for them to be there, if not, oh well.

Post # 7
1918 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’d probably just set a couple of tables for 8 just in case.  Speaking from experience, it’s much easier to take a setting away than it is to add one.

Post # 8
11284 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@TattedNYBride:  i agree.


@tracyb3285:  treat them as they are coming and if they can’t make it, you should understand.

Post # 9
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@tracyb3285:  I have an aunt with M.D. She gets sick sometimes and has to go to the hospital or can’t go out. My uncle RSVP’d as a yes, but with the caveat that they might not be able to make it if she wasn’t doing well. I just put them down as a yes and am going to go forward thinking they will be there. If she’s unwell and they don’t come, I wouldn’t be upset.

Post # 10
46 posts

They aren’t being rude, as another commenter already mentioned. Babies do NOT adhere to a schedule. They gave you a legit reason just in case they weren’t able to attend your event…..having been blown off by a close family member in the rudest way (“oh we are far too busy and important to consider attending a wedding a year down the road”) I’d say let it be. Have a wonderful wedding and don’t sweat the guest list!

Post # 11
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Although their response may be lacking in etiquette to you as the host, I really don’t think they are trying to be rude at all.  Many people are completely clueless as to how much planning goes into all of the details, and that having a final headcount ahead of time actually means something.  That being said, I think your response is totally appropriate and very gracious.  

Post # 12
40 posts
  • Wedding: March 2014

I say plan on them attending and if they don’t show, the other people will just have more room at the table. They can’t control when a baby arrives and as important as your wedding is, blood is thicker than water, the roommate’s fiancee’s sister wins this one.

Post # 13
1735 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

One more vote for planning everything as if they’ll be there. That way seating will go smoothly without your intervention whether they show or don’t show. They’re not being rude, they’re being as considerate as they can under the circumstances, I think. Seat them with hungry dudes who can eat their entrees if they don’t show. 🙂

Post # 15
4688 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

It’s definitely rude. I don’t know about your caterer but I have to have my final guest numbers in a week ahead of time. So at $125 a head, if they don’t show up…. that’s an extra $250 wasted. I’d be pissed. They should know she’s probably going to be so uncomfortable and/or going to have a newborn so they shoud decline.

Post # 16
7872 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@tracyb3285:  People can be rather irrational when it comes to babies, especially if it’s the first in the family. They think they need to see the baby immediately after the birth, but they don’t, and often they can’t. Unless roommate’s fiancee needs to be in the labor ward (which I doubt), then there is no need for them to skip the wedding just to see the newborn baby. Having given birth 3 times, I can tell you that it’s perfectly fine (in fact even a relief) if relatives don’t come in until the next day. And even when they do, they can only visit for a short time.

So I would ask if they are required to be there for the labor, and if not, I would tell them that unless they’re required for the labor, you really need them to commit one way or another on whether they’re coming to the wedding; that it’s not fair on you (i.e. they are the ones being rude) and the caterer to decide at the last minute. And frankly (though don’t say this) it’s treating a friend pretty badly to miss his wedding, just to see a baby today when you can see her tomorrow.

If the fiancee *does* need to be in the labor ward for her sister, I’d make an exception. I’d allocate two seats but prepare for the off chance the fiancee can’t come. I highly, highly doubt the guy will be in his FSIL’s delivery room.

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