Post # 1
Ive been with my bf for 4 yrs now and he says that he is gonna start planning for marriage when he starts working in June. Im done with school in December ’11 and start law school August of 2012. I would like to be married by then. My familly lives in SoCal and his family in SoFla, one sibling in Canada and and one sibling in Russia. To give then enough notice we want to plan the wedding now so when he does pop the question everything is set so everyone can save. We we started looking at several place Charlotte NC, Los Angeles, Miami FL and Nassau Bahamas. I personally want to elope but he doesnt want to. So we have to have a wedding. He wants his family there which is fine the only issue with that is his sibling in Russia cant get a visa here so we would have to fly to another country to get married. He wants all his siblings there and yeah I understand none of them have had a wedding or ffunction with all the siblings there. Im happy for him but 95% of my family in the west coast wont make it. Its every expensive to fly to bahamas from LA. He knows that if we have it in the states his siblings wont all be there so we looked at California then he was like oh its too expensive to go to LA from Canada and his family wont travel for the wedding though a tix to LA from Mia is like 300 bucks. For my familt to fly to Charlotte its like 600 bucks and to Mia its 300 but he wants all his siblings there so he is pushing for Nassau. He says he wants his sibling that cant come to America there but he doesnt want none of my family to come, but he doesnt want it in FL which out of all the east coast options for my family to be able to make it thats not want he wants to do. He doesnt want to do it LA because none of his family will fly there. So i think he wants to do Bahamas. I rather elope but like I said its not an option. So i rather settle on my family seeing me graduate then paying an arm and a leg to watch me get married. Its sad to say but I really dont have a say in it, even though he feels like I do. Am I sacrificing too much?
Post # 3
I think you are, it’s both his and YOUR wedding.. you should get to have a say in it just as much as he does.
Post # 4
I agree with @Miss Marbles:. This is a decision that you should be making together with compromise on both sides if needed. Right now it seems to be all on you and that’s not right or fair.
Post # 5
Yes this also seems unfair to me. You two need to sit down and have a long discussion.
Post # 6
This was hard for me to follow, let me see if I have this straight… he doesn’t want to get married in the US because he’d like his brother to come. You don’t want to get married in the Bahamas for monetary reasons. You guys need to compromise. Is Mexico an option? Its much cheaper than the Bahamas and is incredibly beautiful. Just a thought, good luck on your compromise and don’t agree to anything you’ll regret.
Post # 7
No Mexico is not an option his Mom is scared of everything and Mexico is soooooo dangerous and blah blah blah. If I have to do a wedding I would do it in LA since my family is there. I live in FL and so I see his family everyday. I rarely see my family. He says that he doesnt see why I think his family is more financially stable than mine. I mean They just went to Russia for like a month and now his mom want to go to Canada for a month and go to Charlotte with my bf. My bf is moving to Charlotte to start his new job after graduation. They are always travelling so of course I think they have it together. I rather not have a wedding at all if my options are being not considered. He knows that someone has to sacrifice alot of thing and I assume that its gonna be me. This is very discouraging really because I have to consider everyones feeings and clearly my feeling are nothing. I mean Ive even told him fine we have a wedding in Bahamas or Charlotte where all your family can make it and then we just go to LA and then have a little thing for my family and that wasnt an option either. I feel like quitting this whole planning and have him plan his wedding. I know that compromise is something thats normally done but at the end of the day I lose he wins.
Post # 8
I think this might be a case where you’re better off letting this discussion drop until he formally proposes and you have a date. It seems like the earliest you’d be getting married would be end of this year, and who knows what ticket prices or family situations will look like in seven or eight months.
You might also invest in some pre-marital counselling.
Post # 9
I agree with @teaadntoast this seems like a lot of stress before he has proposed. After we got engaged we sat down with both sets of parents and discussed what they thought and then together we decided what we would do. I think you need to take a step back for a while and then re-visit. I think regardless you are going to be unable to please everyone because weddings are just that way.
Post # 10
Can’t you guys do two mini-receptions? One to satisfy each side of the family. This is also ideal when sometimes one side has TOO MANY people than the other side. It’s easier to break down in terms of sanity and costs.
Post # 11
Yeah I’m gonna drop this convo with him. There isnt a point of planning something with no ring on my hand. Let me get my ring first lol! Idk if I’m gonna sit both families down once it does happen his mom who i love dearly is WAYYY to controlling for me. So to have my mother who is a control freak and his mom who is a control freak as well….sounds like a nuke ready to explode! As per setting the dates he has been setting dates and setting dates back for like 3 yrs idk if anything will change since he is graduating and has been offered a real job. So we will see. I personally think if his family wants their whole family to be there they can pay for the tix, but of course no one listens to me anyways. lol
Post # 12
What about getting married in Canada?
Also, I think you should let this all drop until he actually proposes and you are ready to plan a wedding.
I would not give up having my family at my wedding. Just let him know that the Bahamas is not an option.
Try Canada or maybe even Belize if your Future Mother-In-Law is afraid of Mexico.
Post # 13
I second @Sasha2011:‘s idea. What if you guys eloped (like you want to do), then you can have 2 seperate receptions for each side of the family. One in FLA or Cali (I couldn’t figure out which one you’d rather have it so I just included both) for your family and then one in the Bahamas for his family. This way everyone compromises to get the best of both worlds.
Post # 14
Why can’t his brother come to the united states? I’ve never travelled outside the US so I guess I don’t know what goes into getting a VISA. I think its unfair that anything you want is being vetoed. Marriage is compromise and he needs to learn that. I think its a good idea to truly wait until your actually engaged, but this should be sending up some red flags for you about your future and how important decisions are going to be made.
Post # 15
@Sasha2011 Ive suggested that i got a no
@sdrury89 I actually want to elope from the beginning I never wanted a wedding but he said no his family will be upset and he wants them there.
@KatNYC2011 Yeah I want to drop this convo. Idk y i entertained it with no engagement ring not smart on my part i guess. Yeah Canada would be an option since one of his siblings live there and his bro can go there. Idk if my family can afford Canada tho.
Pretty much I’m gonna take everyone’s advice and drop this until if/when I get an engagement ring. Gosh this wedding planning business is no joke lol. i rather elope thats for sure. I’ll let him figure out what he wants I want to just graduate and then start law school. Thanks everyone!
Post # 16
@MissCallieJean: I agree on the red flags and compromise. I also agree with the PP’s about premarital counseling. It might help with figuring out where to have the wedding, in the very least.