(Closed) Am I showing a lack of compassion……….

posted 9 years ago in LGBTQ
Post # 32
Member
3214 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@amandabones:  Kudos to you for making such an effort! I’m glad it’s working out.

Post # 33
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@amandabones:  drag shows are WAY more fun than male strip clubs anyway 🙂

 

glad you could work it out.

 

PS – My aunt has been out for 20 years now – and randomly decided she wants to wear a dress to my wedding. Its the first time she’ll be in a dress in 20+ years. I didn’t ask her to, or even bring it up,  but as others have mentioned, it took her a long time to work out traditional gender roles vs. what felt right or wrong for her. 

Fortunately, I think as our culture continues to evolve and more gay and lesbian youth feel comfortable coming out and getting to know themselves as teengagers instead of hiding it or trying to force themselves to fit to what they think they should be, more gay adults will have these things figured out.

Post # 34
Member
882 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

It honestly sounds like she is being difficult. I mean, she can’t carry a seashell bouquet or walk down the aisle with her brother? Maybe see if she wants to be in the grooms party since she is Fiance cousin? Then she could wear a pants and not carry a bouquet!

EDIT: nvm looks like you figured it all out!

Post # 35
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@amandabones:  oh, I’m so glad! it sounded like a weird situation.

that’s really unfortunate about her and her brother, and I hope it doesn’t affect your wedding day.

Post # 36
Member
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

She is being unreasonable and using her orientation to do it. She should have an idea about what is entailed in being a bridesmaid. She shouldn’t be dictating how Your wedding will go.

Post # 38
Member
882 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m happy that everything worked out for you!

Post # 39
Member
1258 posts
Bumble bee

I’m so glad this worked out! And I have to say that turning the top of the dress into a camisole is freaking brilliant!

(and how sad about her brother! I hope he’ll be able to come around, for both their sakes).

Post # 40
Member
2357 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I agree, what a great compromise! And such a good idea about making the dress into part of her outfit!

Post # 42
Member
2297 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’m so glad you got this worked out!  My wife and I both wore long ivory dresses and carried bouquets for our wedding, so neither is exactly incompatible with being lesbian.  However, I can also understand her still trying to figure out where she stands on the gender spectrum (i.e., identifying more as female or male) if she has recently come out and is facing family rejection for it.  I’m just glad you could figure out ideas that worked for both of you.

Post # 43
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I am so glad for you that this all worked itself out! I know that a friend of mine came out last year and she did a lot of experimenting with gender roles when it happened. I think it’s just something some LGBT people have to deal with. Some others, not as much. I’ve had friends seemingly come flying out of the womb with a very clear identity that happened to include being gay.

I also think that a drag show is great idea for a bachelorette party. If my bridal party would be on board with it, I’d be pretty psyched.

Post # 44
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m glad that everything worked out for you!  I’m really boyish and haven’t worn a dress in many many years!  However, when I was Maid/Matron of Honor for my sisters wedding I proudly wore a dress and heels (first time for the heels!) and carried flowers! I love showing off the pictures to my friends because we all laugh together about the time I wore the dress and heels in public!

Post # 45
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Glad it worked out, she was definitly being way too dramatic.

Also, not sure if someone else mentioned this, but maybe don’t call her sexuality a “lifestyle”, that’s pretty offensive (not saying you meant to be btw) 🙂

Post # 46
Member
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

@julies1949:  THIS!  I completely agree!  Speaking as a lesbian, if the vision you have for your wedding is outside of her comfort zone, she needs to either get over it or not be in the wedding.  People do not become part of the wedding party to dictate how things will be.  I’m in no way saying that the bride/groom shouldn’t take theirs attendants’ comfort/feelings into consideraion, but ultimately what you want, goes.  I’d strongly suggest letting her know that you completely understand why she may not be comfortable with everything, but that it’s how you want things to be.  If she really wants to stand up there with you, she’ll understand.  Her asking for every single thing to be changed to suit her is ridiculous!  You have been more than accomodating already…don’t let her run your wedding for the sake of not hurting her feelings!  Good luck!

EDIT: sorry!  I didn’t realize you had already reached a resolution!

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