(Closed) Am I stingy or is the bride being selfish?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Well I certainly do not think so – you gave the gift of time and effort. I wouldn’t worry about it. It wasn’t like she was your best friend.

Post # 4
531 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Wow, I would give anything to have someone help me with flowers, you didnt have to do anything at all.

I think a card is far more than she deserved.

Annie, dont feel bad at all, you are not a stingey person. 

Post # 5
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

That really sucks that she had the nerve to expect a gift after 4 hours of your time spent helping her prepare for the day. If I were you, I would just let it pass… unless its really bugging you, then I think you should say something. I would be completely appreciative of someone putting in that kind of effort for me so that we could have a lovely day. Plus, not to mention, how much money did this bride SAVE by not hiring a florist to design and arrange everything??

grr.. I feel for you. 

Post # 6
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I think it’s really wierd that she would expect a gift from you after all you did to help her out. Please, try not to worry about it, she’s the one who is being rude. Did she even thank you for helping with the flowers?

Post # 8
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

You definitely gave gift enough. Any professional florist would have probably charged at least a couple hundred, if not a thousand, bucks to do what you did.

Post # 9
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

There are definitely a couple points to make here… first of all, Would she expect her florist to give a gift? No… and she would have paid her florist.

However, with that being said did you expect your time to be a gift? You should have written that in the card or something… Just as a reminder…. something like Congratulations on your wedding day. I’m glad I was able to help you with your flowers, I hope it all turned out as beautiful as you expected it to.

And… besides that, I think it’s really rude for the bride to have ever said anything. It’s one thing if she thought it and said it to people in her circle of friends… but another to say it to someone and have it get back to you…

I wouldn’t worry about it… just move on.

Post # 10
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Wow…the bride was being really rude, not you!!! You seriously did not do anything wrong by just giving her a card. She should realize that you have your time as a gift and if she doesn’t, that is her problem! I’m sorry to hear that she is being so awful about this after all the work you put into helping her!

Post # 11
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009 - Ceremony: The Kraine Theatre, Reception: Midtown Loft & Terrace

I have to say, I think it’s rude for someone to attend a wedding and not give a gift at all, regardless of their financial situation or relation to the bride and groom. Even if it’s a small, handmade, gift, a gift of some sort should be given, imho.

THAT BEING SAID, I totally think that working 11 hours assembling flowers for this bride can definitely count as a wedding gift to her. You saved her so much money and put a lot of effort into making her day beautiful.

How rude of her to be bringing it up with coworkers, too. Eww. 

Post # 12
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

star, what you said was perfect! i 2nd that.

Post # 13
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Then again, maybe the middle-man co-worker in this got the story a little garbled and dramatized a bit?  I mean, we already know that she’s going between you two… 🙂 Could be a possibility?

Post # 14
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Hmm, I mean, that’s tough.

 I’m a singer, and many of my friends are musicians of some sort. So…we are frequently performing for reach other’s weddings.

 I will say, that unless it is determined ahead of time what will be my "gift" to the bride (in this case, singing) I will get the couple a smaller present. Then, in the card I will say something like, "It was such a honor to be part of your wedding ceremony. I hope you enjoy this little extra something as a gift to you as well!"

 Then, its clear.

I think, if I were you, I would have said something before hand to the bride. 

 However, I will say, at the same time, the bride was WAY out of line to ask a fellow employee of your’s about it. That is VERY, VERY wrong of her. …and don’t you now feel uncomfortable?

Ettiquette was designed to keep people from feeling awkward, and uncomfortable (like how you now feel). That said, she must have been feeling (even if her actions were wrong) uncomfortable about not receiving a gift from you, for whatever reason. Therefore, you should have probably gotten her something small.

Should you get her something now?

No, I wouldn’t. I would just move on. What a weird bride.

Post # 15
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Etiquette states that NO ONE who attends your wedding is at all obligated to give a gift, so it would be rude for your friend to complain about any guest not giving her a gift, let alone someone who’s spent all the time and effort that you did.

Let’s just hope that your other coworker didn’t get her story straight. I for one would be thrilled to recieve such a generous gift. You saved her tons of money, time, and stress!

Post # 16
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

I agree that I think it is rude to not bring a gift to the wedding, however 11 hours of your time is more than enough of a gift.  A florist would have likely charged over 1000 for the labor.  That’s one heck of a gift.  I think she is being highly ungrateful!

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