Post # 1
In June, a co-worker of mine got married. Her mom used to own a flower shop so she agreed to do the flowers for the wedding. Since I used to work in a flower shop as well, the bride asked if I would be willing to help her mom just so that she doesn’t get too stressed out. i happily agreed but prefaced that I have my 4 month old son to take care of as well as all a college class i was taking over the summer. She said that any help would be appreciated. So the day before the wedding came around , I worked 7 hours (on my feet the entire time) then went to her moms and worked on the flowers for another 4 hours. I did the remembrance bouquets, the pew decorations, corsages and finally wired & wrapped about 60 orchids and leaves. I left the mom to do the 4 bridal bouquets since she knew the vision her daughter had, the last thing I wanted to do was mess something up for the bride. I was not compensated for the time i put in which was totally okay, I never expected to be nor asked to be.
Fast forward to this week. The bride confronted an employee she rarely talks to and asked "Is it normal that Annie didn’t get me a gift for my wedding? She only gave me a card…" The employee responded by saying "Oh, well I thought she helped with the flowers, isn’t that a gift in itself?" The bride responded "Well she didn’t even do that much."
So here’s the question and be honest. I need to know. Was it rude for me to just give her a card?
Post # 3
Well I certainly do not think so – you gave the gift of time and effort. I wouldn’t worry about it. It wasn’t like she was your best friend.
Post # 4
Wow, I would give anything to have someone help me with flowers, you didnt have to do anything at all.
I think a card is far more than she deserved.
Annie, dont feel bad at all, you are not a stingey person.
Post # 5
That really sucks that she had the nerve to expect a gift after 4 hours of your time spent helping her prepare for the day. If I were you, I would just let it pass… unless its really bugging you, then I think you should say something. I would be completely appreciative of someone putting in that kind of effort for me so that we could have a lovely day. Plus, not to mention, how much money did this bride SAVE by not hiring a florist to design and arrange everything??
grr.. I feel for you.
Post # 6
I think it’s really wierd that she would expect a gift from you after all you did to help her out. Please, try not to worry about it, she’s the one who is being rude. Did she even thank you for helping with the flowers?
Post # 7
Thank you so much ladies for validating my thoughts! It means a lot!
northernazbride – The next time we both worked together after her wedding she thanked me a TON! Her mom even sought me out at the reception to thank me again. That’s what makes me so confused.
Update: i just talked to my mom and asked her the same question….she said I should have given a gift only because she expected one. What a horrible reason to give a gift. I mean that’s saying that everyone you invite to your wedding should be expected to give a gift no matter what their financial status is or even relation to you or the groom. I just don’t agree. *Sigh* I’m trying hard to not let this get to me.
Post # 8
You definitely gave gift enough. Any professional florist would have probably charged at least a couple hundred, if not a thousand, bucks to do what you did.
Post # 9
There are definitely a couple points to make here… first of all, Would she expect her florist to give a gift? No… and she would have paid her florist.
However, with that being said did you expect your time to be a gift? You should have written that in the card or something… Just as a reminder…. something like Congratulations on your wedding day. I’m glad I was able to help you with your flowers, I hope it all turned out as beautiful as you expected it to.
And… besides that, I think it’s really rude for the bride to have ever said anything. It’s one thing if she thought it and said it to people in her circle of friends… but another to say it to someone and have it get back to you…
I wouldn’t worry about it… just move on.
Post # 10
Wow…the bride was being really rude, not you!!! You seriously did not do anything wrong by just giving her a card. She should realize that you have your time as a gift and if she doesn’t, that is her problem! I’m sorry to hear that she is being so awful about this after all the work you put into helping her!
Post # 11
- Wedding: October 2009 - Ceremony: The Kraine Theatre, Reception: Midtown Loft & Terrace
I have to say, I think it’s rude for someone to attend a wedding and not give a gift at all, regardless of their financial situation or relation to the bride and groom. Even if it’s a small, handmade, gift, a gift of some sort should be given, imho.
THAT BEING SAID, I totally think that working 11 hours assembling flowers for this bride can definitely count as a wedding gift to her. You saved her so much money and put a lot of effort into making her day beautiful.
How rude of her to be bringing it up with coworkers, too. Eww.
Post # 12
star, what you said was perfect! i 2nd that.
Post # 13
Then again, maybe the middle-man co-worker in this got the story a little garbled and dramatized a bit? I mean, we already know that she’s going between you two… 🙂 Could be a possibility?
Post # 14
Hmm, I mean, that’s tough.
I’m a singer, and many of my friends are musicians of some sort. So…we are frequently performing for reach other’s weddings.
I will say, that unless it is determined ahead of time what will be my "gift" to the bride (in this case, singing) I will get the couple a smaller present. Then, in the card I will say something like, "It was such a honor to be part of your wedding ceremony. I hope you enjoy this little extra something as a gift to you as well!"
Then, its clear.
I think, if I were you, I would have said something before hand to the bride.
However, I will say, at the same time, the bride was WAY out of line to ask a fellow employee of your’s about it. That is VERY, VERY wrong of her. …and don’t you now feel uncomfortable?
Ettiquette was designed to keep people from feeling awkward, and uncomfortable (like how you now feel). That said, she must have been feeling (even if her actions were wrong) uncomfortable about not receiving a gift from you, for whatever reason. Therefore, you should have probably gotten her something small.
Should you get her something now?
No, I wouldn’t. I would just move on. What a weird bride.
Post # 15
Etiquette states that NO ONE who attends your wedding is at all obligated to give a gift, so it would be rude for your friend to complain about any guest not giving her a gift, let alone someone who’s spent all the time and effort that you did.
Let’s just hope that your other coworker didn’t get her story straight. I for one would be thrilled to recieve such a generous gift. You saved her tons of money, time, and stress!
Post # 16
I agree that I think it is rude to not bring a gift to the wedding, however 11 hours of your time is more than enough of a gift. A florist would have likely charged over 1000 for the labor. That’s one heck of a gift. I think she is being highly ungrateful!