(Closed) Am I stuck in an emotional rut or is this relationship over?!

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2733 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

mandipandi:  Well, it sounds like you gave it a shot – did what you could to save the relationship – gave it one more chance but the reality is, the relationship is just not salvigable. It sucks and it’s sad but I don’t think this is just a “rut”, you’re over it and nothing he does will change how you feel. It happens. I’d honestly move on.

Post # 3
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

What I see here is that you have had in your mind that it’s over, and now that you’re sucked back in and he’s actually doing the things you wanted him to do in order to make you happy, you’re now stuck with guilt because you can’t leave…

The thing is, YOURE OVER HIM. And now you see your life as stuck with him since he’s making improvements. The damage is already done, and there’s nothing you or he can do in order to make this work. You’re done, and emotionally checked out. It actually bothers you to be around him.

 

So, just my .02 cents, ya need to get out of that relationship and let him improve himself for HIM, not you. And you need to go find happiness either alone or with someone else! Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
3091 posts
Sugar bee

You fell out of love although you want to be.  I have been there. 

Part of me, whether conscious at times or subconscious, resents him because you feel he is not your equal.

Yes, this relationship is OVER. 

 

Post # 5
Member
3091 posts
Sugar bee

‘Part of you’…excuse the typo

Post # 6
Member
6845 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I second the therapist’s recommendation to see someone individually. It sounds as if you may be a bit depressed, and that can color everything. In the meantime, and having owned your own issues, try your best to be kind to those around you–being mean to your Fiance it will only make you feel worse about yourself.  

 

Post # 7
Member
5033 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

I agree that you should consider individual thearpy, perhaps an anti-depressant and slow down on the alcohol intake which will only depress you further.

Post # 8
Member
6839 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Honestly, you sound depressed. Have you considered going to therapy alone along with the couples counseling? 

Post # 10
Member
51 posts
Worker bee

I don’t have any ground-breaking advice but I wholeheartedly identified with your post! Commenting to follow. Good luck Bee. 

Whatever choice you make will be the right one. 

Post # 12
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee

I have regular bouts of depression and it turns me into an irritable bitch who can’t see the point of anything in my life. I see doctors about it and acknowledge that I’ve got this issue and my husband does too; he tells me I’m being a dick if I am and I will storm of in a huff… and then come back when I realise he was right. 

How do you feel about other aspects of your life? Does something which used to make you happy not have the same effect? For example, when I’m depressed I don’t even really feel excited about going to my favorite theme park, and I freaking love it there! If you’re feeling apathetic about things even outside of the relationship I think it’s ok to assume there’s something more going on. 

Post # 13
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I am so sorry you’re feeling so confused after getting what you were hoping for.  It is okay to be over him, if that is the case, even if you are proud of the progress he has made.  I hope you are able to find things you enjoy doing!  It sounds like you’re very good at being self-reflective and identifying your issues!  If you are concerned about your alcohol intake, you could consider going to an AA meeting and finding a community there to help support you through this stressful time!

Post # 14
Member
44 posts
Newbee

I have episodes of feeling the same as you (i’ve had 1 major one in 2 years), others werent as bad and didnt last as long.. where i was just like you. It lasted probaby 1-2 months and it was hell. I didn’t feel like myself and was such a bitch ( and i knew it!). I was just not feeling happy in general and i also wondered if it was the relationship pulling me down. I stuck through it (so did Jaeson) and now im back to normal. I think i  lost “direction” in life after recently leaving my job that i hated. I felt worthless.. I started something new and it sparked me back up again! I dont know if it is the same for you, but thought I would share my experience 🙂 

Post # 15
Member
4249 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

It’s over.  Move on and don’t look back.  You are emotionally checked out of this relationship, and for good reason.  Looking back at your previous posts I don’t think this was ever a healthy relationship.  Move on, work on yourself, and enjoy being single.

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