- 4 years ago
Hi bees I apologize if this gets long…
2 months ago I posted a thread about how I ended my engagement with my Fiance because of how he parents his daughter. The break up lasted only about 3 days (I had been looking for a new apt, etc) before I decided to listen to him and his suggestions to go to couples counseling. We decided to try that and instead of cancelling our wedding that was supposed to be next month, we postponed it for a year…
We have attended five of our six free sessions through my work (every two weeks or so). After our first couple sessions, I was feeling more positive toward him and the relationship. We focused on my issues with Fiance being more of a friend than a dad to his 16-year-old daughter, and how we could work together on being a supportive unit together. I also have discussed my fears of financial instability, as he is perfectly ok with living paycheck to paycheck and have 0 money, while I am not. We discussed him working toward taking the GED test so that he could potentially get higher paying jobs. We also discussed how sometimes I feel like a mom in that I’m always cleaning up after him and that I hate his messiness.
So, Fiance has taken steps in making me happy and fulfilling his goals – he is attempting to be more tidy and picking up after himself, he has been surprising me with flowers and cards, he has been more ‘father-like’ with his daughter, we had been making more decisions together, etc, and has signed up to take the GED this weekend. HOWEVER, none of this is making me as happy as I thought I would be.
I thought that once these issues were resolved/working on, I would be happy. I’ve noticed lately that I’ve actually had quite the opposite reaction. I am very critical, mean, inpatient, frustrated easily, very irritable, apathetic, bitchy, talk to him in a condenscending way etc. Our last session last week I cried the whole time because I am so confused. The topic of marriage really turns me off. I am really uninterested in working on myself, am uninterested in work, and have generally an apathetic attitude about everything. I have also noticed an increase in my alcohol intake. I really dislike coming home at the end of the day and dealing with him or his daughter. I just feel like I don’t care about anything, and this relationship. But I am unsure if I am just in a rut or what. I can’t pinpoint what exactly is going on. I keep blaming my Fiance for my problems, but I’m beginning to think it’s just me. Also, our therapist recommended that I see someone individually.
What’s going on here?? Thanks bees