Post # 1
Am I stupid for wanting to get remarried?
Here’s a lil back story. I kicked my ex out in Nov. 2010, filed for divorce from my in Feb 2011. Divorce was FINALLY finalized June 27th, 2012 because ex kept dragging his feet. I have been with my FI since Dec. 2010, he proposed July 2011, but we kept things quite until I got my divorce decree. We are now planning a wedding for Oct. 20th. (A random date we picked.) I love him with all my heart & soul. He is the one I have always wanted since I was 16. We have been best friends for as long as we have known each other. He IS my Prince Charming.
Everyone (including my Grandmother) I have talked to about my wedding says Im stupid for wanting to get married again. And especially crazy for wanting a big wedding & that I should just elope. *** The wedding is just for immediate family & close friends <50 people & then the reception is for everyone & their brother. My FI & I are paying for EVERYTHING & have a budget of $2000. its not going to be the Ritz but its going to be what I want. Oh & this is my 2nd marriage, & my FI’s 1st.
So my questions are:
1) Am I stupid for wanting to get remarried?
2) Is there something wrong with wanting to have a big wedding for a 2nd marriage?
***My 1st wedding was so my parents could keep up appearances because heaven forbid you have a daughter get pregnant @ 21. (Mind you this was in 2007!) Nothing was the way I wanted it. This time around NO ONE has any say in anything except for me & my FI.
Post # 3
I am having my biggest wedding yet (although still small compared to those shown on WB) and I am getting married for the THIRD time.
Post # 4
No there isn’t anything wrong with it, and you’re not stupid. If you feel good about it then why not have a celebration? People don’t have to attend if they don’t want to. Besides, you guys are paying for it yourself. It isn’t like you are asking for a handout.
I see no problem. Enjoy and congrats!
Post # 5
Well, given that you’ve said your family only wanted you to have the first wedding for appearances, I’m not horribly surprised by their reaction. That being said, I absolutely do not agree with them at all. You’ve found the strength to get out of a marriage that was entered into for all the wrong reasons, even though you have a child with that man, and you’ve gone on to find legitimate love. To me, that absoutely is a cause for whever type of celebration floats your boat. Good luck!
Post # 6
This is my 2nd FI 3rd, I wanted a wedding to involve our children. Of course, the wedding has grown beyond what I wanted but I am dealing with that. We included on our invitations “please let your smile be your gift” because we didn’t want our families to feel like they needed to give us gifts this time around.
I like you am getting everything I want with this wedding. I am doing most of it on my own and am LOVING and enjoying it this time. I SAY CELEBRATE YOUR LOVE and forget about everyone else. It is just about the two of you!!
Post # 7
My mom had a modest yet beautiful wedding when she got remarried in 2004. She had a stunning flower arrangement on her card table, beyond anything I even had at my wedding (times were different then though, just pointing out that she didn’t scrimp because it was a 2nd wedding). That wedding did end in divorce because the man turned out to be an abusive con man. But, she is now dating the most wonderful man and I know they are hoping to get married sometime in the future. She has said that for this marriage she is doing nothing except signing a marriage license with the appropriate people and perhaps having a nice meal at a restaurant. Even then, of course she still wants to celebrate with the family and very close friends that love her. I don’t think it’s silly to do anything that you want for your own wedding.
My father in law is getting remarried in September and I know he is having a modest event at a restaurant. My grandmother got remarried for the third time to a man she has known since high school (she was in her 60s when they got married, really unbelievable) and she had it an event hall, it was still very small, but she wore a beautiful dress and had centerpieces and dance music. (Btw, my dad’s mom, not my mom’s mom. Both three times married but not related by blood. My mom’s parents were married for 40 something years). I also know that when my grandmother married her 2nd husband (the man I had grown up calling grandpa) she had a lavish affair and my father and his siblings were a part of the wedding.
Post # 8
No, and no. You should have the wedding and marriage that you want. And just because it’s a second one doesn’t make it any less special. It’s the only time you’ll be marrying HIM, so the previous one shouldn’t matter as far as comparisons go.
Post # 9
Thanks Everyone for your opinions. It helps to know Im not crazy for wanting this.
Post # 10
No you shouldn’t feel stupid for wanting to get remarried or for wanting a wedding. Our wedding will be my 1st and FI’s 2nd and he was absolutely committed to the idea of having a wedding (I drug my feet for a bit and finally got on board). I think it’s natural to want to celebrate.
Post # 11
No you aren’t stupid and there is nothing wrong with it! If you’ve found the one you truly love then who cares what anyone else says. You’re young and should do what will make you happy! Plus, even though it’s your second wedding, it’s still your FI’s first! You guys should make it special for both of you. Good luck and happy planning!
Post # 12
Have the wedding you want!
Post # 13
@mvest: i did it. my first marriage was like u said- to not bring parents shame– pregnant at 18.) since ur fiance is having his first marriage. he should get the big wedding experience too
🙂 happy wedding planning . dont like peoples views opnions bring you down. all that matters is ur fiance and u
Post # 14
No and no. I would guess that your family’s concern stems, in large part, from you moving so quickly from one relationship to another. But in the end you and your fiance are the ones that know whether or not you moved so fast, and everyone else should respect that. So have the wedding you want. I would forgo the bridal showers, but other than that – do what you want! Celebrate finding the right guy and those that truly support you will be happy for you!
Post # 15
@JenGirl: We had a chat about the showers & things. I personally don’t even want to register for anything unless it’s new towels & a new set of dishes. (Our current set of dishes were a Christmas present to me from my ex-MIL so I think they need to go.) Im thinking if they want to give us something why not money instead. We already have everything we need appliance wise, but with the money we could have a nice honeymoon (nothing fancy but at least a couple days away from home without the kids would be GREAT!) & maybe use the rest to start doing upgrades to the house. (Get materials to start reflooring the kitchen).
Post # 16
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
No, not at all. I’m really upset for you that your family isn’t being more supportive. My first marriage was a disaster, and when DH and I decided to get married, we wanted something small and intimate, and my mom and friends were like, hell no, you are having an even bigger and better wedding, because this time it’s right. I want that for you too!