- 8 years ago
Okay, Bees! Need your advice! (Sorry for the long read in advance…)
HeFlutter and I have been bickering a lot more than usual lately, and I can’t help but think a lot of it has to do with the non-engagement issue. (We’ve been together 3 years, and he’s still “not ready” to get engaged.) I need some feedback to see if y’all think I’m taking things too personally, or if I’m justified in my feelings. (Guys, I’d like to hear your input too.)
Bit of background. HeFlutter works in law enforcement and has a stressful job. As a result, when he’s off and at home, his off time is “him” time. This means that when he’s not at work, he can usually be found in front of the computer playing games. I work a 40 hour a week job and have an approximately 2.5 hour commute every day – 1-1/4 hours there and 1-1/4 hours home on a good day. (On a bad day, I can spend 2 hours just getting home.) A good portion of my off time is spent cleaning house, doing laundry, and occasionally relaxing by HeFlutter on the computer. Another thing you should know about HeFlutter is the fact that he is never on time for anything. *EVER*. Period. End of story. I’ve had to start building 15 minutes in to anything we plan. If I tell him dinner is at my parent’s house at 6:30, I will call him at 6:35 to find out where he is, and often times he hasn’t even left yet. (We live 20-25 minutes away from my parents.)
HeFlutter just finished a 10 day rotation at work, which means he gets 4 days in a row off. I spent last weekend trying to get our bedroom organized and get rid of the dust bunnies once and for all. HeFlutter has a night stand that is overflowing with unopened mail, bills, and receipts. (By overflowing, I mean there is a 3-foot radius in all directions where stuff is vomiting on the floor. ) On Monday, I rather politely asked HeFlutter if he would mind straightening it up on one of his 4 days off. He immediately became confrontational and asked, “Wait, whose room is this?” To which I responded, “It’s OUR room.” He countered with, “And whose side of the bed is it?” This hurt me pretty bad. I never ask for anything. I don’t nag him about leaving cups all over the place, or give him hell because his dirty clothes make it *next* to the laundry basket but not *in* it, and I never give him a “Honey-Do” list for his days off. Hell, I don’t even expect him to wash his own CLOTHES, but that’s beside the point. I felt like I asked politely for him to do me a favor, and he got all pissy with me.
Fast forward to last night. HeFlutter is competing in a tournament the 2nd to last weekend in this month and needed to do some play testing. We had planned to meet at my parent’s house, leave his car there, and ride up to the store together. I told HeFlutter I would call him when I was about 20 minutes away, and he told me he was already leaving. He ended up at my parent’s house 15 MINUTES before I got there. *blink* Okay, so when it’s something I want to do or something I’ve planned, you can be late. But when it’s something for YOU, you’re 15 minutes early. Ooooookay…
On the way there, we were talking about which deck he wants to build. (Hence the reason for play testing.) He said he wasn’t sure, so I asked what the cost difference between the two was. He said one was about $150 (which, coincidentally enough is exactly what he received for Christmas), and the other was about $300. I told him that I wasn’t too happy with the idea of him paying $300 for a deck that he would – in all likelihood – use ONCE and never use again. He said he’s got an extra check coming from work that he’ll use. This got under my skin a little bit as well. We’ve got several big trips planned this year – plus our goal is to move into a new place the beginning of 2012 – and I’m the one who’s funding all of these things. $1K for a trip to my hometown for my best friend’s wedding, $1K to take his 4 year old son to Disney, another $1K for a trip to Chicago for him to play in an invitational, and another $500 JUST for the hotel at a convention in September. He makes more than I do, and while he is paying an excessive amount of child support to ensure that his son has a roof over his head, it seems like every time he gets a little bit of extra money, he’s thinking about HIM, and not about US. (Those of you who’ve followed my plight on the waiting boards know that I’ve also sent him engagement ring information, and it upset me to hear him say that he’s going to put $300 into a deck, which is 60% of the cost of the ring that I want. Y’all would be so proud of me – neither the “E” word, the “M” word, or the “P” word came up last night – I was able to stick to the V-Day Challenge, and didn’t bring this up AT ALL!) It’s never, “I think I’m going to put this into savings – we may need it to get set up in a new place.” It’s always, “Well, I’m thinking about building a new deck…” This put me in a mood last night, and I told him on the way to the store that he should be aware that I was in a mood, and that these two things put me in a mood.
While at the card store, he was watching me play and made a remark on something I did. He told the guy he was playing against, “I thought I trained her better than that.” O.o I looked at him and said, “Did that really just come out of your mouth?” To which he replied, “Yeah, yeah it did – what now?” By this point, I had checked out mentally.
He *insists* that in all instances, he was joking. (We joke FREQUENTLY, and have somewhat twisted senses of humor.) He said that 6 months ago, I wouldn’t have taken things so serious, and that I’d lost my “thick skin”. I can take it AND serve it up with the best of them, but lately, I feel like the stuff he’s been joking about is no laughing matter. HeFlutter is right – we used to have the picturesque relationship. We never argued, never fought, and rarely disagreed on anything. But lately, I’m taking everything he says personally.
What say you, Bees? (And Misters as well.) Am I justified in my anger and hurt, or do I need to just take a pill and relax?