(Closed) Am I Taking It Too Personally?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Am I justified in my hurt and anger?
    Yes - this guy's being a real ass! : (95 votes)
    93 %
    No - you need to suck it up and get that tough skin back! : (6 votes)
    6 %
    Other - Please Explain : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    162 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: January 2010

    The guy’s being an ass for much more than that comment. I think his behavior is pretty unacceptable. You guys are a team, and he’s acting as if he’s single. i think you need to sit down and have a real heart-to-heart with him, NOT bringing up marriage or engagement, but just talking about what you find appropriate in relationships. Your bedroom is YOUR bedroom, and you have the right to complain about unreasonable piles of bills. Your time is YOUR time, and you have a right to complain when he doesn’t value it and shows up ridiculously late. He needs to realize that he isn’t a teenager anymore, and it isn’t all about him.

    Post # 4
    Member
    442 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    You have every right to be upset. Especially since someone you love and want to spend the rest of your life with is not making you a priority. I understand his child coming first, but I don’t understand computer and card games.

    Post # 5
    Member
    14183 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    My husband and I have both joked about the “training” but it’s definitely a JOKE and we BOTH know it.

    Your boyfriend sounds immature. Not only like he’s not ready for marriage but also that he’s not doing too hot in the ‘joint relationship’ department.

    Have you guys talked about joint goals? you say you want to move into a new place–is that important to him, too? Maybe it’s not because he’s not putting money towards it. His actions are not reflecting the thought that you are on the same page.

    Post # 6
    Member
    101 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @FlutterbyBee: Okay so not knowing your relationship fully I won’t say if he is being an ass or not BUT I will say that the situation doesn’t seem very fair to you. Of course you are venting so it probably sounds worse than it is but I think you have every right to be upset, angry and hurt.

    It sounds like he takes for granted all that you do for him. Is there any way to balance things out? Maybe start to put your foot down (without being confrontational) and leave his laundry to pile up or spilt the cost of vacations so you can spend money on things that will help you refocus (like yoga classes or dinner with friends).

    Good luck! If you had a picturesque relationship before I’m sure you can get back to that point but it should be a joint effort.

    Post # 7
    Member
    11325 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I have to ask… why are you with him? It sounds to me like he has kind of checked out. Your relationship is great– for him. He gets to live in a clean place and not have to clean it. He gets to take nice trips and not have to pay. He gets to have company when he wants it and refuse to do whatever you want to do. I understand why he is staying… he is having all of his needs met. I don’t understand why you stay when it doesn’t sound like you’re having any of yours met. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    3521 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    @CorgiTales: Agreed–this is pretty much what I was going to say.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3166 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    the training thing i wouldn’t be mad at – it sounded like an honest joke. BUT, everything else? he comes off an an immature a-hole. you take care of him and clean up after him and he just sits on his butt and makes divisions between your sides of the room? puh-lease. he’s not thinking about your future together, he’s only into himself. he’s not showing you that he’s worthy of being considered marriage material – not even boyfriend material!

    Post # 10
    Member
    578 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I know you just told us a little bit but he doesnt seem like marriage is in his thoughts.  My Fiance before we got engaged always talked about all these big purchased dreams he has, which is great!  But I talked to him and basically told him its not all about him anymore its an US now. If your going to be a couple, you need to be a COUPLE  (2 People) . It sucks that your going thru this my heart goes out to you…

     

    @pinesey    Totally agree!   🙂

    Post # 11
    Member
    3011 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I honestly think he’s taking it way too far.  J and I are both sarcastic, smart asses.  We both know our limit though.  I really would re-evaluate your relationship.  As someone said, he’s getting it good in the relationship and you’re getting nothing but smart ass/rude comments.

    Post # 12
    Member
    9230 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2010

    I’m always concerned when someone tells me I am being “too sensitive”, “overreacting” or need “thicker skin.”

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    311 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Honestly, the fact that he can show up on time for something he wants to do, but cannot do the same for your events seems like a red flag for me.  He isn’t fully committed to the things that you want to do and is making it known by blowing them off as unimportant in his world.  Also, by letting you constantly pay for things is also something that is a bit of a red flag.  As a previous poster said, he is getting everything he needs, free vacations, someone to clean up after him, and he gets to do whatever he wants to do with no consequences or responsibilities. 

    I hope everything works out for you and maybe he is just in a rut, but I think you need to have a serious talk because obviously, you want more of the relationship than it seems he is willing to give and you need to know if he is ever going to be ready to give it.  Good luck to you. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    3564 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Honestly, the training comment doesn’t bother me nearly as much as EVERYTHING else that you wrote. What are YOU actually getting out of this relationship? It seems like everything is done on his terms, based on whether he wants to do it or not–and it seems like he usually only wants to do things that benefit him. I totally agree with @CorgiTales; to me it sounds like he’s using you. I don’t really see any indication  that he values you/your relationship/your future together.

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